<p>I've had two close friends who have dealt with depression and I really need advice.</p>
<p>Friend 1: Told me about his depression, even told me that he wanted to commit suicide. I tried to convince him that there were still things to be happy about and reasons to live. The suicide part scared me so I told a teacher who is close to both of us - nothing ever came of it (the adult did little about it) and the friend never knew. But that was the end of our relationship....we just never have been as close since</p>
<p>Friend 2: Recently told me he was depressed last week after I caught him on one of his depressed days. He said that he had seriously considered suicide. I told him that I was leery of discussing it because of what had happened to my relationship with friend 1, but told him that I was here if he ever needed anyone. But I don't know how to deal with this.</p>
<p>I just feel like whenever they confide in me I'm supposed to have some profound advice or be able to say all the right things, but I just don't know what to do and am at a loss! I care about both of them very much and I just don't know what to do or say!! Anyone (especially someone who has dealt with depression in the past) please help me out</p>
<p>My girlfriend has tried to commit suicide twice. And she has her days. The best strategy I’ve found is having them imagine all of the sadness they’d cause to all of the people they love or care about if they killed themselves.</p>
<p>I’ve had severe depression (professionally diagnosed) throughout my life and I am still dealing with depression. Whenever I tell friends that I’m depressed, they often distance away from me. I wish the few friends that I made is as sympathetic as you, who cares as much as to ask people how to deal with depressed friends (the friends I made basically just decide to ignore me after I told them…).</p>
<p>I highly doubt they’re suicidal but they are nonetheless very and frequently sad. The best you can do is talk to them. Trust me, talking to them will make them feel less sad almost immediately even if they don’t show it. I know that what I want most right now is that my friends talk to me [more often than not my friends don’t talk to me unless I talk to them). =(</p>
<p>The worst, I tell, you, thing you can do is distance yourself from them. Don’t. Do. That. You have no idea how horrible it feels to lose a friend while being depressed. It makes things twice as worse.</p>
<p>Second that. I had a bout with depression last year. I only told one of my friends because I thought she should know, and also because she was one of few (read: the only) people that I felt comfortable telling. I thought she would be able to help. Our friendship hasn’t been the same since. It’s been very complex for quite a few reasons, and my bitterness about that has been one. </p>
<p>The point is, nobody wants to parade around telling people they have depression. If they told you, they see you as someone who can help. Be there to listen. Spend time with them. Don’t leave them alone. </p>
<p>You’ll have to judge whether you think you should talk about it with them directly. Some people get better by talking through their issues, and some get better with silent symbols of support. That’s something to keep in mind.</p>
<p>well people often have “reasons” why they’re depressed. sometimes they think they can’t get X, whereas you might disagree with them and think they can get X. but even if you say that things are better than they seem to be, you probably shouldn’t explicitly tell him that since that often communicates lack of desire to fully understand. </p>
<p>the problem is that you can “listen” or try to “fix” him. that’s the dilemma here. if you just “listen”, you just end up asking questions and repeating the same positive phrases over and over again. so then what?</p>
<p>What I’m about to share is personal so I hope it will reach whoever that reads this. I am crying as I write this, so if you don’t want to read something imbued with emotions, then look away. I just don’t want anyone else to go through what I’m going through… </p>
<p>For anyone who’s reading this, please don’t ever distance yourself from your friends who are going through depression, especially if they have few friends. Throughout my childhood, I had numerous issues that made me depressed and isolated me from practically the world. I developed minimum social skills. As an example, I have almost no sense of humor. Consequently, I am currently struggling to make friends and to keep the few friends I have made. </p>
<p>More often than not, I lose friends and fail to make friends because I am either awkward, boring, and just really eccentric. This just adds to my depression, which is starting to get worse again (I originally became less depressed because of a compassionate friend whom I fortuitously made). I often cry and the only way I feel better is if a friend talks to me, but unfortunately, that almost never happens. Those whom I told to about my depression seem to distance themselves from me. It feels absolutely horrible when this happens. Words cannot describe it. Right now my greatest fear is losing the few friends I have and my greatest wish is to spend time with them. Most of you probably have no clue how terribly devastating it is for a depressed person to lose a friend, especially a close friend. I would often cry for days when I lose a friend.</p>
<p>I don’t want anyone else to experience them. If you have depressed friends, please don’t ignore them whenever they talk to you, whether in person or through the internet. Please don’t distance yourself from them. And PLEASE, spend time with them and show that you care about them. You may feel a bit annoyed about carrying out this responsibility, but your decision is worth a world’s worth of difference. If you choose to care for them, then they will, I promise, feel better. However, if you choose to distance yourself from them, you will bestow unimaginable sorrow upon them. </p>
<p>Your compassion is needed. Don’t push aside your depressed friends.</p>
<p>the thing is, depressed people can be INCREDIBLY repetitive. it’s so hard to stay with them (even if it’s the right thing to do) when there is so much else that you’e had to do.</p>
<p>and seriously, i speak as someone who’s put 2 separate girls through 1.5 years of my depression and suicide threats. it was like hell to them at times.</p>
<p>I don’t make suicide threats and you should not have either. I’m sane enough to know that, as depressed as I am, I’m not at the level to commit suicide. But even if you make suicide threats, your friends should not abandon you if they’re true friends. Leaving a suicidal friend is almost the equivalent to driving that person to actual suicide or at least even more depressed. People cannot just abandon depressed people because they’re boring or annoying. That only adds even more pain and suffering.</p>
<p>Yeah I know. I’m not going to say that suicide threats are “desirable”, since they obviously are not. But sometimes people make them because they’re desperate for something, and it’s the only thing that can give them a bit of attention when they’re in that state of desperation.</p>
<p>when you’re severely depressed, you might try every viable option to break out. suicide threats are the easiest (and the path of least resistance). but i’m really trying to get the self-control to try alternatives instead. yelling is better.</p>
<p>Nobody expects you to have profound advice. If they’re telling you, they probably want someone to talk about it with. So let them talk about it.</p>
<p>I have a friend who’s struggling and she is pretty open to me about her life. So I’d say just listen to your friend and even if s/he is a unstable, be encouraging. Also, don’t change yourself too drastically around the person, I just make sure I still have my usual dry humor which my friend seems to appreciate.</p>