Over the course of a year, I’ve become really good friends with someone in my year-level, and I’m a little concerned.
Since the start of the semester, he’s had a rough time with a lot of his good friends. I saw these friendships in action last year, and I see how they have somewhat changed since last year. It doesn’t seem that the change in the dynamic has anything to do with my friend, but it just seems that his friends are changing, and the common interests aren’t there, anymore.
So, my friend has become closer to me this year because I am always there for him to vent or talk about anything, and he’s confided in me greatly. Recently, he’s gotten really depressed about what is happening with his friendship dynamic, and it’s concerning me. I know he has a history of depression and self-harm, and I’m really worried that something could happen if he doesn’t get the help he needs. The problem is that I’m not sure if what he’s going through right now warrants professional help.
As of now, I’m trying to be a good friend and letting him confide in me, but I’m worried that any unintentional inaction on my part will cause something bad to happen with my friend. Up until this point in my life, I’ve never had to deal with friends’ depression. Either they didn’t have it, or they never mentioned it to me. I’m just unsure how to help, but I want to be a good friend.
What is the best way to help my friend when he’s depressed? When is professional help absolutely necessary?
It’s admirable that you want to help. Many people avoid those with depression because they don’t know what to do. Continue to do what you’re doing by being there - but also realize you are limited in what you can do.
Absolutely suggest the idea of speaking with a counselor. A combination of medication and talk therapy with trained counselors can make a huge difference. Sometimes realizing that others are aware of your issues is enough to push people to seek the help they need.
You might also benefit from reaching out to any counseling that is available to you to help you understand how you can help and also keep you from feeling like you are responsible for actions that are out of your control.
If your friend is truly in a depression and has had a history of depression and self-harm then it sounds like something outside of what you should try to handle on your own. The absolute best thing you can to is to walk your friend over to the counseling center at the school and be sure he/she makes an appointment with a professional. And then walk your friend over to the first session to be sure he/she goes.
This part of your post really concerns me. I think you need to talk to someone at your school. If something happened to your friend, you would feel horrible. Suicide prevention is talked about non-stop these days for good reason! I lost my 20-year-old nephew to suicide two years ago - I wish someone had spoken up (although even in hindsight, his friends said they saw no warning signs).
I think this is way too heavy a burden to carry by yourself - you need to get some help.
In one of my threads, I was told on here that I shouldn’t be “controlling” my roommate. Now, your problem sounds more serious than mine, but in my case, I was just trying to help him get more “social”.
The only thing I’d do: Try to recommend him to the counseling service on your campus. You can also tell the counseling service your concern and they’ll take it from there.
@sta3535 The difference is that this is a safety issue with the friend having a history of depression and self harm. Yours was just trying to alter his social life.
Suggest that he seek counseling. If he will not and things get more concerning, you may want to speak to his family.
Suggest counseling, offer to go with him at least the first time, if he won’t go, alert the counseling center. If the counseling center can’t reach out, call his parents. It could save his life.
I am just very curious: what has been your mood after you heard certain amount of depressing / depressed feeling from your friend ? Do you feel blue also ?
Yes to all above. If they won’t go to counseling, try to get them to talk with a professor or someone else that they know who is not a student. S1 was able to open up to a campus activity leader who was able to steer him to more helpful resources - would not have done with a peer imo
Be there for him. If he wants to do something, do it with him. If he doesn’t, that is cool, but ask again another time.
If you think things are takign a turn for the worse, then talk so someone. about it. Collges have programs for students at risk. It could be the RA, or a professor or the counseling center.
If you feel he is just dumping emotionally on you all the time, you can at some point say “Friend, I think you are having a really tough time right now…and I think it is more than I can help with. Can I walk you over to the counseling center? I really think it is time to talk to someone.”