<p>I've been really good friends with this girl (let's call her Addy) for the last year, though we've been friends for a couple years before that. Since I've gotten to know her, I've known she was already depressed. I assumed this was because she was in the closet and was always scared about people (including her parents) figuring out she was gay.</p>
<p>But Addy came out to her parents, and subsequently everyone, last summer. Her dad's still kind of being a jerk about it, but her mom is such a big support now- like, better than
Addy ever expected. No one at school cares at all either (expected). I assumed after all this she would be fine.</p>
<p>Well, she isn't. She's still depressed- she has her good times, but a lot of the time she's down, mostly with people she's close with aka almost all the time with me. I just don't understand. Nothing is wrong in her life at face value- she has friends, she's out, she's supported, she's smart, people like her, she can do literally anything she wants with her post high school life because her parents are willing to pay for college or travelling Addy might want to do.</p>
<p>I don't know how to help her. She already sees a therapist (though not very regularly- she needs to be pushed to go). Is there anything I can do to make her better?</p>
<p>I haven’t seen her much lately, but she emailed me a couple hours ago saying sorry she hasn’t been talking recently, she’s been feeling down.</p>
<p>We haven’t talked much since school ended almost a month ago (I’m grounded). I’ve tried to email her, but she’s been in Cali for this writing program.</p>
<p>I don’t know what you mean by ‘help more’. I don’t know much about her parents.</p>
<p>And not much- they’re not close (the normal teenage daughter-father relationship). She doesn’t really care about him.</p>
<p>Well, if she was already depressed when you got to know her, it’s not like one thing can magically make it go away. Yes, it sounds like coming out and being supported would be a huge weight off her chest. However, depression, the longer you go untreated, the harder it is to get out of that stage. </p>
<p>It’s good that she has a therapist. If she needs to be pushed to go, it seems like a) she doesn’t buy into the therapy idea b) she doesn’t like her therapist or c) she’s embarrassed by needing to go to therapy. Of course, there may be other reasons, but I think those are the main ones. </p>
<p>Personally, as a person who’s been diagnosed with depression and slowly getting out of it, what helped me from the people around me is they didn’t judge, didn’t say anything about how I should just hurry up already and stop being lame, (not saying you would do these things) and listening to me being emo/depressed without complaining or snapping back at me. </p>
<p>Other than that, it was mainly finding something that I could become challenged by. This differs from person to person, but for me, when teachers expressed doubt I would pass some of my classes, I just tried harder than anyone expected and I attribute that to my recovery (at least I don’t think I’m depressed right now). </p>
<p>Hope this helps some (even though it was rambling).</p>
<p>I don’t think she is depressed to the point of no return or serious damage, considering that she is willing to talk to you. Perhaps, there is a deeper struggle…how is she in school? Bullied? What can’t you understand?</p>
<p>@Apollo- She’s not bullied at all (either people like her or don’t know her). I just don’t get how she’s down all the time with though nothing’s actually wrong.</p>
<p>Also, it is very common for people with nothing wrong in their lives to be depressed. Just tell her that she has it good, and tell me her reaction. That reaction will determine her genuine feelings and her depression. She might just want the drama or want someone to give her attention</p>
<p>Yes, I have told her. Her response is always “Stop it, I don’t want to talk about it” (I’m not sure what ‘it’ is). She’s really not the attention seeking type…idk.</p>
<p>That kind of personality is a latent attention seeker! She does want something, but she doesn’t have it to crave it…</p>
<p>Whatever, but I think you should back off. Hang out with other friends. Too intense of a relationship or discussing someone else’s rocky emotions can lead to you getting sucked in as well and not letting the person to overcome by themselves</p>
<p>People can have temporary bouts of sadness related to their circumstances. But clinical depression is different. It can be as unrelated to a person’s situation as a cold or cancer. Some say that it can be triggered by the brain not producing enough neurotransmitters. That may be why many people who are depressed have to take antidepressants to stabilize their mood. </p>
<p>It’s nice that you want to help your friend, but you can’t make her better. You can only be there to listen to her and be patient with her if she wants to vent or rant or whatever. Maybe encourage her to keep talking with her therapist (as long as their relationship is still good), and be ready to speak up if she expresses feeling suicidal. But you really don’t have to do more than be her friend.</p>
<p>Speaking as someone who used to suffer from depression:</p>
<p>You can’t cure her but what you can do is get her out of the house to do fun things. Distract her from her thoughts. This can make her feel better for at least a little while. Isolation makes people more depressed.</p>
<p>Try to talk to her about neutral non-depressing topics. Or engage her in activities that don’t involve talking about the things that depress her. Talking about depressing things may depress her even more. If she insists on bringing those up every time you see her, try talking to her when other people are around. Or do stuff with her that doesn’t involve talking, like seeing movies or going rollerblading. The more physical the activity, the better. It’s important that she get out of the house and not get stuck in her head.</p>
<p>You could encourage her to do medication but chances are she already has a strong opinion on that. You don’t want to be the 298th person nagging her to take her meds. Bring it up once but that’s it.</p>