Dean wants to be D’s friend at Facebook

Parent Cafe
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<p>anxiousmom, now I understand why my son doesn’t post compromising photos! Maybe he does, and I don’t see them–thank goodness. I’m perfectly happy to see only the mom-appropriate ones.</p>

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<p>Me, too! ;)</p>

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<p>If your kid feels it is strange for the school to be involved in his or her facebook, perhaps a little history lesson about “Facebooks” is in order. They used to be printed out by a college and mailed to all the new freshman in the class so they could get to know their peers (pictueres and addresses, thus the moniker of a facebook) before they got to campus, in the days before the internet, you would find your room-mate and actually call (long distance!) to meet.<br>
I have photos of my sister and her friends going over the facebook of her freshman class, picking out the cute boys. Of course, the upperclassmen got hold of the incoming class facebook and had certain hot coeds staked out…
Facebook was started to help kids and colleges connect.</p>

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<p>There is a huge difference between joining a group on FB, having a business on facebook, and being friends with someone on facebook. I can see students joining the Dean’s group or the colleges’s group or even joining his professional account. Being friends? I don’t think so.</p>

<p>For my kids and my students, it’s their social world, and I don’t want to intrude. Likewise, when my occasional MBA student or executive students want to friend me on FB, I encourage them to be connected to me on LinkedIn instead, which is more useful in a professional context. FB is for my extended family and I, and some friends, to connect personally. I have family photos up there, lots of dialogues going back and forth between my relatives and I and I don’t see the point in mixing that with my professional life. </p>

<p>It would be nice if FB had a way to partition one’s worlds. I see my students all day, and I go to various functions with them, and have grad students over for dinner and so on. The lines between work and personal life are often blurred. But just as I don’t hang out with my undergrads on the weekend, I really don’t see why we’d want them reading my walls between my relatives and I (nor do I need to see their social lives that closely either). </p>

<p>As for the Dean, I don’t see the commended aspect at all. It takes energy and work to connect in person with your students and if you are able to do that, all the more power to you. But this isn’t personal communication, it just gives the appearance of it and requires nothing on his part at all. And I assure you, this isn’t hte only student feeling uncomfortable: all because this guy doesn’t ‘get it’.</p>

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<p>^^I was wondering if the dean actually invited the student to join a Facebook group, but did not “friend” her. The OP could check that out with her daughter.</p>

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<p>Sounds like a prank. Has she ever met this Dean? Hard to believe he’d be so dense.</p>

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<p>People are really all over the map with this one. Facebook is constantly evolving, it is certainly no longer only a social networking sight for teens. My high school D is facebook friends with many of her teachers and in fact her drama teacher posts all messages such as rehearsal times, assignments, etc. on facebook. I think this is the way it’s going to be, and I also think eventually people will, as has been said, have two accounts, one for true “friends” and one for business and other kinds of networking. I really don’t think it’s so weird.</p>

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<p>People use facebook in a variety of ways. I actually joined for political reasons – I was involved in campaigning and wanted to take advantage of fb’s networking tools to announce various events; there are a TON of political or issue-oriented groups on facebook. Because of that focus, my facebook “friends” include some famous politicians. For example, I am facebook friends with Nancy Pelosi. Of course I do not know the Speaker in real life and she has about 5,000 friends, so I doubt that she is signing on every day to keep in touch with my status updates. Someplace along the line she has a staff member who updates the site, and all of the people who have posted on her wall seem to have political concerns. </p>

<p>I think more and more people use fb for public networking rather than as a place for private conversation – so the expectations are changing. I think a few years ago I might have thought it intrusive to expect my kids to friend me – now it is just a convenient way to share info & photos. I assume that people who have things they want kept secret will have the common sense not to post them on facebook, which is becoming more and more “public” in its exposure as time goes on. </p>

<p>I do know that my kids both cleaned up their facebook pages substantially within the past year when they were hunting for jobs & internships. More serious stuff, less silly stuff.</p>

<p>So no, I don’t think it odd that a friend request has come from the Dean. It just is a symptom of the evolution of facebook into a mainstream internet service. Sign of the times.</p>

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<p>I read an article on schools trying to figure out how to use Facebook as a benefit to their institutions and making rather awful mistakes because they don’t understand the ramifications of social networking. It seems to be a very complex area and one that’s ripe for abuse. There was an extreme case of Facebook Hijacking this past week where someone hijacked an account, changed the password and then set his status to something like in extreme distress, please send money. Many friends did send money and it went into a black hole. </p>

<p>The Dean thing might be innocent enough. Perhaps he’s using it like an email distribution list. Nobody in my family uses Facebook so I don’t know a lot about the service.</p>

<p>I guess the multiple account solution is one that I’d choose.</p>

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<p>I’d give the Dean the benefit of the doubt – perhaps he’s not inviting her to be a friend, but to join the “XYZ University class of XX” group? I think it’s fine to ignore it. I ignore all those silly invitations I get from friends on FB that require me to install an application :-)</p>

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<p>Interesting story on the perils of Facebook:</p>

<p>[Dartmouth</a> Religion Professor Apparently Clueless About the Perils of Facebook > Dartmouth | IvyGate](<a href=“http://www.ivygateblog.com/2008/12/dartmouth-religion-professor-apparently-clueless-about-the-perils-of-facebook/]Dartmouth”>http://www.ivygateblog.com/2008/12/dartmouth-religion-professor-apparently-clueless-about-the-perils-of-facebook/)</p>

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<p>geezermomgeezermom, the dean actually did “friend” her. </p>

<p>anxiousmom, D. said she can change her privacy settings to limit who can see her photos, but she doesn’t want to do that because " it would be so obvious for excepted she has something to hide from them". I don’t have an account on Facebook and don’t know how it’s implemented there, but let’s her ignore it for now. Probably she will change her mind next fall :-)</p>

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<p>I am friends with many of my old professors on facebook and it was never an issue. However, since she does not know the dean, she should probably accept the request and put the dean on limited profile, which would block him/her from seeing pictures. I would not worry too much though, it sounds like just a friendly gesture.</p>

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<p>Ignore. The Dean should not be privy to every friendly, silly, playful, personal comment and photo that D and her real friends make to each other on Facebook.</p>

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<p>If your kids have pictures on facebook (or anywhere else on the internet) that they don’t what (a) their dean, (b) their mom, (c) their grandmother to see… they shouldn’t be there. No matter what the privacy settings are, the internet is a public place. </p>

<p>I don’t understand why kids think they can share information with 200 of their “friends” and it is still secret, no matter what their settings. Anything that is posted online can be copied or downloaded, kept for posterity on someone else’s hard drive, and emailed across the globe in a matter of seconds. I’ve looked at my kids lists of facebook friends and they have people there that they knew in elementary school but surely haven’t seen since. Facebook is a GREAT way to network and keep up with these old friends - but anyone who thinks that the information is protected is kidding themselves. Maybe the 3rd grade friend is trusted, but she decides to email a cute (but compromising) photo to all of the other former 3rd grade friends so they can all have a friendly laugh… and pretty soon that has been forwarded on to who knows where.</p>

<p>And guess what? Even if the facebook account is protected, a direct link to an image on facebook is not. Try it with this link:
<a href=“http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v108/82/39/576624417/n576624417_113127_3411.jpg[/url]”>http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v108/82/39/576624417/n576624417_113127_3411.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>You don’t have to be logged in or a member of the network to see that page – it is a direct link to the unprotected image. (Some of you will recognize the person in the photo – as I noted above, she’s got 5000 friends so I am guessing that she doesn’t mind a few more people seeing this).</p>

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<p>Friending gives permission. If D doesn’t want to give the Dean permission, she should ignore the request. </p>

<p>D might be carrying money. The fact that the Dean might get a hold of that money doesn’t mean that D should invite or permit that to happen.</p>

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<p>I’m on facebook (even though my son won’t friend me!), and I felt uncomfortable recently when a client in a current case (I’m a lawyer) friended me. She’s a nice woman, about my age and with kids about my son’s age, but the idea of having a client of the firm where I work know anything about my personal life (especially given all the facebook friends I have who are part of the LGBT community) still seemed a bit awkward to me. I accepted the friend request, because I didn’t want her to think I was being rude, but I honestly wish she hadn’t asked me.</p>

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<p>Calmom has a good point. Young people need to be careful about what they put on facebook. My SIL told me that my nephew told her that the dean at his school has students who “friend” people from the dean’s office so they can keep track of drinking, etc. I’m not sure if it’s true, but when you have 500+ “firends”, it’s NOT private information. </p>

<p>I would not friend the dean. IF you have doubts, you can call the admission office and ask if it’s a legitimate request.</p>

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<p>A relative of mine who is a prof was asked by the university to friend all of her students. They feel it’s a good way to connect. I would ignore the dean’s request. It was probably a mass mailing anyway. It is a good reminder that kids have to be very careful of what they post on facebook. My DD’s RA just lost their job as they were seen in a pic with a beer on facebook 2 months before they turned 21. He lost 10k a year in room and board that now he has to come up with. DD is constantly dodging people with cameras when she’s at a party for that very reason. She’s not even drinking but doesn’t want to be associated with it for just being there as she’s underage. DS is in high school and one of his teacher’s friended him and sends the kids goofy messages. Personally I find that odd and inappropriate.</p>

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<p>There are pros and cons, and we’re all still figuring out how to navigate social networking in general. It’s the student’s choice. But I still don’t think it’s creepy, as in stalking. A suggestion: Call the school and confirm that the dean himself did make the request, and ask a few questions about the reasons for friending future students. If it is what I think it is, this involves only a small, select group who will have the dean as their mentor.</p>