<p>je ne -
My son also helped me at home (and without complaint) with my aged and frail parents (who never did get along). As with your D, I felt that college was his time to shine. I don't know that many people would think that gratitude TO one's child would be a rational college decision criterion, but I guess I'm not a rational person. </p>
<p>Best wishes to your D and all your family with whatever decision you make.</p>
<p>Je ne- your post was so touching. We too are sending a child farther away from home than many go and I share your sense of loss, as well as a sense of joy as we see our student's enthusiasm. Our family has had several challenging health issues, including our rising college freshman's own, and I would be apt to believe that your daughter's growth as a young adult will be accelerated by deep empathy for people in tough situations, as well as a precocious sense of what a big problem is vs. a smaller one. The very things that may have been constraining in high school may give her "wings" in college. I have acquired a profound sense of respect for the challenges people face and how they can impact one's point of view. Oddly, the great hurdles can deepen human connections for all. You are juggling so much, and you are doing right by your children and truly, that is something to celebrate. Best to each of you...</p>
<p>jnsq: Your daughter sounds like such a precious, wonderful person. And she is lucky to have you for a parent.</p>
<p>JNSQ: Thank you for starting this thread. I wish I had seen it earlier. Our D sounds similar to yours and she is also considering Smith (which is close to us) and Oberlin (9+ hours away). Smith not only has a House system, but the students are in the same House all four years, so they really have a chance to get to know each other. In the House, there are some students who are older, some younger. Sounds like a great system to me!</p>
<p>My d. told us today (she just found out), that Smith will pay for your graduation dress if you can't afford it (she's already got hers), and will also pay for your first business suit (up to $200). I thought that is pretty terrific for a college where more than a quarter of the student body is on Pell Grants.</p>
<p>That's incredible, mini.</p>
<p>I think many people have some good points here. I would just like to bring up another issue because OP's daughter is shy and maybe not as sophisticated as other hs students, and this has nothing to do with distance. I think OP should try hard to keep the communication of sex open with her daughter when she goes to college.</p>
<p>Recently a very good friend of my daughter started having sex with her boyfriend in college (never did until now). Unfortunately she got a female infection for the first time. She has always been very closed to her mother, but she felt she couldn't discuss this with her mother because of her mother's position concerning sex. She was very worried about the infection and she also wanted some advice on birth control (what would be best for her, something her mother could best answer). I have been answering some questions for her indirectly through my daughter, but it's not the same. </p>
<p>I am not here to try to change anyone's view on premarital sex, but once our kids get to college they will decide what's right for them. Unfortunately, sometimes they will get sick because of it and it's important for us to be there for them instead of being judgemental.</p>
<p>Sorry, if some people don't like what I've said here, but I think there are many girls like my daughter's friend that couldn't talk to their mothers and wished they could.</p>
<p>oldfort, one area where womens' colleges really excel is in providing advice (through their health clinics) on sexual and reproductive health. Sorry about your friend's daughter -- but I'll bet Smith girls have great resources on campus. </p>
<p>In any case, the conversation you are talking about between mothers and daughters really needs to take place in high school. Yes... if it hasn't taken place by senior year, it would be a good idea to bring it up.... but the median age for kids to become sexually active is age 17, so for the majority, by the time they are going off to college, they have already crossed that bridge.</p>
<p>I have not read this whole thread, so I don't know if je ne's D has made her decision, but I just want to say that I visited Mt. Holyoke for the first time this fall, and was INCREDIBLY impressed--with the campus, the students and how happy and nurturing they were, the staff (with the exception of one inexp. person in finan. aid). I live in Ct and there are regularly totally cheap flights from BDL--Springfield to ORD--in fact, last Jan. I flew for $123 round trip! There are regularly cheap flights, and I would bet that in fact the door-to-door time would be the same, or even shorter, than driving to Lawrence (I think I remember that that is the other option). Good luck!</p>
<p>je ne sais I also became teary eyed at your post. You have brought up a lovely young woman I am sure. The difficulties she has faced will likely serve her well at some point. When she is faced with a tough time (apart from family issues), she will have reserves, maturity and experience to deal with it. My instinct tells me she will be fine a distance away from her home.</p>
<p>jnsq wrote: "
"The burden placed on her to be another parent to younger siblings and a comfort to me during some trying family struggles has been great. She shouldered the weight courageously, happily, never neglecting her studies, numerous avocations, or friends in need, near or far."</p>
<p>I think your daughter will surprise you in less than six months time. I don't think her introvertedness, shyness, awkwardness, are necessarily innate. Those circumstances you describe have probably limited her ability to keep up with her peers socially. It is limiting to not have the resources or free time to go out with friends and develop socially. She may not be introverted or shy at all, but merely taking on an exterior style that works best with her exterior circumstances. she cannot compete with theh other girls (and I have two DD so I know how meticulously other girls size up their peers in terms of looks, athleticism, popularity with boys, family resources, etc.). It can be cruel. Your DD has intelligently taken a course where she need not compete, and therefore does not have to face the competition from her peers.</p>
<p>Just watch -- when she comes home the first time whe will likely have a <em>completely</em> different level of confidence.</p>
<p>I grew up in Florida but went to Mt. Holyoke. I came home Christmas and spring break (which was great -- my friends went further south to have a crazy time and returned exhausted and peeling. I was warmed up and happily rested on the other hand since I just hung out at home). Thanksgiving was the challenge. Too $$ to go home, but I always had invitations to join friends who lived nearby -- always. And it was always fine. It was really only the first Thanksgiving when I wasn't going home that gave me a little twinge, but it didn't last. Your mileage may vary, but I have no regrets. In fact, my challenge now is to encourage my own D who is a high school senior to look beyond her geographical comfort zone. Best of luck.</p>