<p>LU is more than 3 hr drive from Chicago. At this distance it is not likely that your daughter will come home much beyond semester breaks so I do not see the distance to Smith and Mt Holyoke as being a huge issue. And if your experience is anything like ours, Parents Weekend is attended mostly by frosh parents.</p>
<p>If she likes the two NE colleges better than LU I would not hesitate in leaving the decision to her. All are great colleges and she has nice choice to make.</p>
<p>My daughter would have preferred a rigorous college closer to home but that is not to be. Faced with the decision to be closer, but at a place she felt did not offer the opportunities she saw at schools farther away, she came down on the side of academic rigor. This dilemma was not one we expected to face or particularly liked having to resolve. I was resentful of the admissions officers who forced this decision upon us, especially as I learned how many of my daughter’s classmates were going to those same nearby colleges; their families would not be facing the same loss. After reading all of your insightful, touching, funny and informative posts, and some painful soul searching, I now realize being farther from home was the right thing all along. </p>
<p>When our daughter leaves, there will be an absence in our family too large to contemplate. The burden placed on her to be another parent to younger siblings and a comfort to me during some trying family struggles has been great. She shouldered the weight courageously, happily, never neglecting her studies, numerous avocations, or friends in need, near or far. She has seen her peers showered with expensive clothes, cars, parties and trips, while she sacrificed because a disproportionate amount of our resources had to be expended on a younger, sick sibling. Most siblings might have resented constantly getting the short end of the stick, our daughter never saw it this way. Her nature is giving and generous, the likes of which are rarely encountered. </p>
<p>At times my daughter’s life had to be put on hold, serving as the glue that held our breaking family together, stretched to its limits by illness and sadness. I see now it is her turn to shine, our turn to sacrifice to help her dreams take flight</p>
<p>I am exceedingly proud of my girl. She has been the most inspiring bright spot in my world since I first held her 18 years ago this month. She is wise enough to know it is time to find her own way, and now I know it is what she needs and deserves. Thanks to all of you for helping open my eyes.</p>
<p>Beautiful! Thanks for sharing. Godspeed to your daughter and may she find much happiness and success!</p>
<p>Time to send in the deposit and celebrate the beginning of your daughter's bright future. We'll be here in cyber-space celebrating with you!</p>
<p>jnsq, what a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes. Just a thought~a copy of it might be perfect inside a graduation card.</p>
<p>I'm so happy for your daughter. I think she has found the right place. And as a fellow mom, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations on raising such a wonderful young woman.</p>
<p>If you need any help from we Smithie parents, don't hesitate to call on us.</p>
<p>Je_ne, you're making me get all teary-eyed!</p>
<p>As much as we have missed the daily physical presence of our wonderful son this year, I hope you will find, as we have, that seeing the social happiness and academic fulfillment your child will experience at a right-fit college will replace your personal feelings of loss with a great joy for her happiness. She will be with the peer group you've always wished she could have--priceless!</p>
<p>teary-eyed, me, too!</p>
<p>What a lovely post! I doubt that she feels that she is getting the short end of the stick too much, i also doubt that she has many issues with entitlement, based on your beautiful, heartfelt description - best of luck to your both.</p>
<p>This thread, coupled with the discussion I had last night with DH about DS, reminds me that I need to meet my son where he his - not where I think he should be - although, I REFUSE TO LET HIM LIVE AT HOME - IT AIN"T HAPPENIN"! Thank ya'll CCers, for reminging me of what is important.</p>
<p>What a lovely expression of all that your daughter means to you. She will be so happy at Mount Holyoke (notice that I refuse to let go of that possibility ;) ).</p>
<p>Nice try, geezermom!</p>
<p>jnsq,
Count me among the teary-eyed. I hope you save this post and show it to your D -- perhaps on her birthday, graduation, or when she leaves for college. It's a beautiful tribute to a wonderful D by a loving mom who knows what's important.</p>
<p>Yes, it is truly a poignant post. It is hard to let go of them, isn't it?</p>
<p>jnsq,
An inspiring post about a wonderful D! Congratulations to you and your family. You have clearly been doing a great job as a mom!</p>
<p>Exquisitely stated what all of us parents feel. I also had tears in my eyes. As a single parent of an only, I understand your concerns and wish to have her close by. My D will be close by yours and we live in TX! So we are even further away, but NOT apart! And that is what you will come to realize. Just as you realized that this is about her, not you, remember that God works in strange ways - she was MEANT to go away this next year. Revel in her new experiences, the growth you will see in her, and the young woman she will become, and know you had a lot to do with it. God bless all of you.</p>
<p>I arrived at this thread too late to contribute.... all had been said and said well. Then I got to jnsq's last post and found my tears welling up along with everyone else's. What a tribute to your daughter and to you, je<em>ne</em>sais_quoi.</p>
<p>FWIW, my S got sick at a school 45 minutes from home and sicker at a school 1600 miles from home. He talked with us and learned (from us - boys are slow learners ;) sometimes, in picking up on what's available right in front of their faces) that Health Services was there for him and would not consider him a pest or a baby for showing up. He was treated well (and mothered a bit, I think) at each place. </p>
<p>One year later he had a real health scare here at home - but we were away. He handled it ably himself (surely building on his incubator experiences at school), calling his physician, arranging the necessary tests. He called us partly after the fact - to let us know that he had a little worry, that he'd seen Dr. X who thought all was probably okay but wanted further testing by a specialist and that he was about to do that. It was just what you would hope from an adult child - capable, but wanting family to know and support him. As someone above said, college can be such a wonderful halfway house to flying solo as an adult. </p>
<p>With her a little further away than your comfort zone might once have been, jnsq, you will have the joy of watching her grow on a time clock and in ways that you might not have imagined. And it is a joy.</p>
<p>LOL, geezermom, Mt. Holy-oky-doke is a similarly great place. I could have gone on rhapsodic about it, but for this OP the FA was stronger over at Smith, and the geographic issues identical.</p>
<p>From my S's viewpoint, these two colleges within the 5-College Consortium-- Smith and Mt. Holyoke-- were both wondrous. I figure full FA is the tipping point when you're facing two marvelous choices like Smith and Mt. Holyoke.</p>
<p>Happy for OP's family. What a wonderful sounding D, and obviously she gets her kind heart from somewhere!!</p>
<p>It's Mount Holyoke's loss! Some of my best friends are Smithies, and as we parents know, money talks. Great opportunities at both places.</p>
<p>
[quote]
My daughter would have preferred a rigorous college closer to home but that is not to be. ... I was resentful of the admissions officers who forced this decision upon us, especially as I learned how many of my daughter’s classmates were going to those same nearby colleges
[/quote]
I know how disappointed you were when those colleges turned your daughter down.... but your own words explain why it was that she didn't make the cut:
[quote]
My daughter is introverted, socially awkward and immature, but bright and scholarly
[/quote]
I know that when you are the parent of a keenly intelligent introvert, it is hard to accept -- but at the colleges that are the most competitive for admissions, the students who project maturity and are more socially sophisticated tend to be the ones that make the cut. As frustrating as it might be --I think it is the right decision in terms of "fit". </p>
<p>I was very introverted as a youngster myself, so I understand your daughter -- I know that she has tremendous room for growth and a lot to give. But I also have now had the opportunity to raise a child who is the opposite personality -- an outgoing, adventurous kid who has always been seen as more mature and socially sophisticated than her same-age peers. She surprised me when she won admission to reachier schools.... but now that she is at one, I can see both why her go-getter personality probably gave her a huge admissions boost, and how the environment she is now in would be overwhelming to a shy kid or an introvert. It has been a tough social adjustment even for my barge-right-in daughter. The super-competitive colleges are not such supportive places, perhaps simply because they are so selective -- they end up being filled with extremely competitive and self-sufficient students. </p>
<p>When my d. got sick at her school.... well, she survived, but it was not at all the kind of place where anyone else was eager to take time out from their busy lives to play nursemaid to a kid with the flu. You know that school JHS mentioned? Where the "classmates callously step over them, calculating what this will mean to the curve in Gen Chem"? Well, my d's college is more like that, except that it's more like the other students would never notice rather than their being callous, and there aren't any students who are likely to do any languishing, no matter how sick they get ..... </p>
<p>So I do think that those personality factors are important -- and your daughter really does belong at a college that offers the strong academics together with a supportive, more nurturing environment. This is where many LAC's truly excel -- so your d. is very fortunate to have the opportunity to be choosing between Smith and Mt. Holyoke.</p>