<p>I think it’s funny and a little bizarre that you were surprised your students were so quiet when they had dinner at your house. It seems obvious to me that they would be! Normally a teacher is in a position of great authority. We walk in to class, they talk explicitly about the course material, we get up and leave. Sometimes they know stuff about us, if we are struggling or if we have personal issues that impact our performance, but we rarely know stuff about them. When you’re young, your parents encourage you not to pester your teachers with questions like where did they grow up, etc. So when you’re at a professor’s house for dinner, oh my gosh, no matter how casual and inviting the professor is, they’re still an authority figure you’re supposed to respect, not converse with as an equal.</p>
<p>I am positive that as soon as your students left your house each time, they were abuzz with gossip about you. “Did you notice that sculpture on the bookcase? She must have travelled to Asia! I wonder why she did that, how old she was, etc.” But during dinner, while maybe it would have been ok to compliment the sculpture, asking for the personal story behind it would feel way too much like crossing that professor/student line. And your son’s friends, if they had taken your class rather than knowing you through your son, would probably have acted the same way. They weren’t being self-absorbed, just shy and a little perplexed about what was expected of them.</p>
<p>Did you really think you were meeting 20 years worth of incredibly passive and self-centered kids? That seems really sad to me. But you reached out by inviting them to dinner, so I don’t know what else a teacher could do. I agree with you–Americans socialize by separating generations, and when generations come together in a different power context, it’s hard to figure out how to act.</p>