<p>I dont know what to do. I am always anxious. I am a first year college student and am very depressed. I come from a small town on the east coast in which I had a large friend group and loving and supporting parents. At first I was surviving in college, figuring my way around the campus and meeting new people and deffinately made a few friends and many acquantences in my dorm. Anxiety over being surrounded by new people kept me from joining or going to any new club meetings, and I used my small group of friends as a crutch to lean on. And things continued with some correspondence with home, classes, and some friends to hang out with. The year progressed and I noticed I was marking time until I could spend more time at home with my true friends and I continued in this mind state right up until about the long Christmas break during which I started to think about the next time I would be home. I realized spring vacation was only 7 days long so I began thinking about the NEXT time I would be home and then it dawned on me, that the majority of my time would be spent here for a foreseeable future. When I cam back to college I became bogged down in this discovery. The new schedule and changes in my rooming situation made me realize which relationships actually stuck and which ones didnt, and suddenly my social life shrank even more form its diminished state to the point where I realized I only had two friends on campus. I realized I was not involved in anything besides my classes. I also realized that my home and my huge friendgroup back there is changing and they will all be moving on with their lives and growing up. So the daily correspondence with parents began, and the counseling sessions. All this has helped me think through and come to grips with my sadness and anxiety. As a result I have made and effort to email different departments and sign up for new clubs and drag my ass off to parties on the weekends in hopes of finding a direction and meeting people and I have. However I still feel crippled by this anxiety over the future and losing my friends at home and not having the ideal college experience that I had always dreamed of. I come back to my dorm from my morning class and feel lonely and directionless and unable to change it. If I hear noise in the hallway or the voice of an acquaintance I feel socially anxious and jealous like that should be me out there having a good time and communicating with people and filling my life with activity. The result is that I find myself watching other people to quantify what I SHOULD be doing with my free time. When I sit in my room alone now the fear and sadness and anxiety over all of these issues and the change occurring in my life mount until I have a panic attack. Whats worse is that I feel I cannot just leave my room and feel better because I have nowhere to go nothing to do and no one to do it with. My relationships with my two remaining friends have become parasitic because I am always sad and anxious and they are the only people with whom I can talk about this, and this same sadness and anxiety dominates my interaction with the rest of campus as well which cripples me and severely influences other peoples impressions of me. I was a sociable kid and never had much of an issue with making friends in the past, but all these concerns and the new environment have made this process and life in general like reading latin or doing brain surgery-very complicated. I find myself way overthinking my interactions with other people and unable to or unsure of how to progress relationships. Even when I meet a nice person who seems chill and asks for my number I can never hit them up to hang out or anything because I get bogged down in the question what is there to do? haha its funny to say but friendship is no longer as simple as a playdate, but it has become about shared goals and experiences and interactions in a calm and unthreatening environment. Like idk, if you meet someone and chill for a bit, and then you see them again at the student radio station. You and that person now have something in common and place to go. I know Im overthinking things, and that is part of the problem. I cant seem to escape these feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, and hopelessness no matter where I go or who I am with. I cant even be comforted when Home anymore because I know I have to come back to this place and Ill be right back in the same boat. I know I have to make change and I am trying but I dont know what to. All I want to do is give up and go home and be with my friends but I know that they wont be there for much longer and at this point everyday I get older and closer to the time when I should be striking out independently and starting my life away from home. I feel like I cannot escape this transition that has started and that it was something I underestimated and was deffinately not ready for at the beginning of this school year, Like maybe I should have taken a Gap year and grown up a bit and then gone off to college. The only people letting me know that it will be alright are my parents but I know that I am becoming more and more perceivable as an adult by the world and am coming close to a point where I can no longer live at home and have to advocate for myself. I am so lost and confused and hopeless. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Any success stories? Does it get better? Im putting in all this effort into being happy but it isnt working. I am never happy anymore. Help please!!!!</p>
<p>I actually read ALL of it, when I can never keep up with anything long.
Social life can effect a person’s mentality in ways unimaginable.
I am not in college yet. But I know how you feel.
I have felt that way many times. But, I assure you that it CAN get better.
But it all depends on you and nobody else.
Best of luck mate.</p>
<p>You are not alone in these feelings of anxiety and depression. They are probably more common for college students than you realize, and posts very similar to yours pop up on CC quite often. The good news is that anxiety/depression like this is usually very treatable with talk therapy, and, if that doesn’t work, antidepressants.</p>
<p>My advice is to see a counselor at your school as soon as possible. These services are usually free. The counselor should be able to help you a lot, but if, after a few months, you are not starting to feel better, seek another counselor. </p>
<p>If at some point you need to reach out to your parents, I hope they will be supportive. I am a parent, and I would be very supportive of my child if he needed money for counseling or wanted my help in finding a counselor outside of his college. </p>
<p>If you seek help I think you will feel better about socializing (and everything else) soon.</p>