I agree with @gardenstategal above. Yes, the country is far away, but the culture is not so dramatically different and she won’t be as likely to feel out of her element as if she to went to, say, Japan.
@Publisher , I disagree 100% that large universities are healthier environments than small LACs. What’s the basis for that claim? There are depressed kids at large schools too, perhaps even more so than a small school. At large schools, it can be easy for a student to feel anonymous and the counseling centers can be overwhelmed. Large schools can often have a pervasive drinking culture, Greek Life, tailgating, and little else, that makes kids feel excluded if they don’t partake. Large schools often have unhealthy dining options, classes with large lecture halls where kids are taught by TAs and never interact with mature adults, etc…
There is plenty about large schools that is unhealthy. And there are probably things about small LACs that are unhealthy, but I’ll take the small LAC over the anonymity of the big college any day.
@Lindagaf : I agree with the OP’s mom who wrote in the original post: “I’m hopeful that being that far away in a large city and a large university might be what she needs to feel more independent and, hopefully, make friends and have a great experience.”
@Lindagaf: Plus, this is a method for drawing out additional information.
If those who know the OP’s daughter best, therapist, school counselor, parents & child are okay with a semester abroad, then who are we to advise otherwise.
If the mom is having last minute concerns about the distance, then find a closer option. But let the young adult grow & develop as the expressed concern is about “difficulty motivating herself” and “isolating herself”, not about self-harm.
That could well be true for the OP’s daughter. That does not mean that large universities are healthier. There are many international kids at LACs. They are probably healthy.
I think this is more last minute anxiety or concern maybe of the OP here. The daughter has been diagnosed and taking medicine that is helping her and counseling for years. She has adjusted well in school it sounds like. Kids in trouble don’t “want” to go away. Mom can’t always be a few hours away. There is counseling at the abroad school and she will have her medicine.
Not sure what everybody is seeing that I am not. This student will have to graduate and move away from mom at some point.
Study abroad is such a great experience. Both my kids have done it. They grow up alot overseas. Being unsure a bit… Of course… We were of our kids also… Normal parent anxiety kind of thing.
I agree with above, have a passport for yourself just incase but if she’s controlled and thriving now then why wouldn’t she be controlled and thriving overseas???
Your giving her a gift and it’s a good test for you also. You might not alway be an hour away. We talked to our kids with Whats App and messenger. Also video talked with them. Sounds like the college is supportive and she will have access to help if she needs it just like in her home state.
I think some of us are concerned by the OP reference to dark times, a tendency to isolation and difficulty making friends, years of therapy and now medication, and her admission that she doesn’t really know how serious the depression is because the student keeps a lot of things inside. That suggests to me more than minor situational depression. Plus last minute airfare to Australia, if needed by OP, is exorbitant. It may still be fine, but proceed with caution.
“Not sure what everybody is seeing that I am not.”
This is what I saw:
“She doesn’t love her school and I think she’s hoping that a new place will change things for her. But, she has difficulty making friends and has a tendency to isolate herself, so I’m worried about her possibly doing that while abroad and being miserable. Right now, she’s about an hour from home, so if things get particularly bad, I can go take her to dinner or she can come home for the weekend.”
As the parents of a kid who has had issues in the past, my spouse and I have developed a very good radar for potential trouble. Sounds to me like this trip abroad has tripped OP’s radar, and I suspect her concerns are legitimate.
I think my main concern would be the distance involved. My daughter suffers from anxiety and goes to school in another state. We let her study abroad in Italy last year because I knew I could get a plane from Boston and be over there very quickly. That wouldn’t be the case if a parent had to travel to Australia.
But obviously, the OP and professionals will know this student best and make a good decision for her.
Also going to a program like this is a confidence builder. It’s a “I can do it” moment. It’s scary for lots of kids at first like the first days of college but they get through that. If her counselor was positive about it, then to me it makes sense to let her go and learn something new about herself. Both my kids did learn something about themselves going away and all positive.
One of mine who has anxiety and tends to isolate himself did a semester in Asia and it was fine. The program seemed designed to provide enough socializing for my introverted son to feel part of the group. A dear friend’s daughter who has suffered from anxiety and depression did a successful semester in England. Even though there were some rough patches, she did well.
I would also be concerned that if she doesn’t love her college and decides not to do this semester away, she will feel like she failed in some way which may also trigger depression. It sounds like she is well prepared by you and her counselor for what to expect.
This is exactly what I read also. Maybe it’s a male thing here. If she’s controlled then she’s controlled. She needs to live life plus… She wants to go which is to me an important factor here.
My daughters study abroad was Indonesia so I get the distance (she went back twice since with grants and the like).
I just think it can be a great experience for her on many levels again if she’s controlled.
Worthwhile to note that the daughter initiated these plans & jumped through many hoops to get the courses approved by her current school. She will be travelling to & studying in a place that she has always wanted to see, according to OP.
P.S. OP’s daughter will be sharing a 4 bedroom apt. with other international students on the edge of campus.
This a very healthy arrangement for a shy kid who earns great grades & is active on campus, but tends to isolate herself & has trouble making friends.
OP: my oldest daughter sounds very similar to yours. I have mixed thoughts about this all as I’m projecting this on my own daughter; and hope your decision turns out great. And yes, my husband would think very differently about this all!
some things I’d think about:
[ul]
[] how does my D feel about not going, and staying at her same college for that semester.
[]does she have any other college mates going with her?
[] what SOCIAL programs does the college offer for abroad kids?? I’d look into that heavily. Will there be groups and activities to meet others the first few weeks she’s there? As others mentioned, Australia doesn’t have a language barrier, so that should be helpful.
[] would she be happier going on a summer abroad trip with her school with a set group of students? different experience of course, but it sounds less potentially isolating.
[*] have you talked to her about things to do if she does feel lonely/isolated? [/ul]
@bgbg4us : I studied abroad a lot during my undergraduate years. On one trip to Austria for a semester, a group of 4 friends (2 guys & 2 girls) traveled together. They were not couples. This group probably derived the least from this experience. Not much different than traveling to Disney Land with one’s family.
On all of my other 3 trips abroad during my undergraduate years, I never encountered friends who travelled together. I think that it is a terrible idea to take a crutch along on a journey abroad–although moreso for those attempting to learn a foreign language as the friends are not forced to speak in the foreign language. Some folks are just ready to grow more than others.
As to your first question, the OP’s daughter initiated all plans to get away from her current school for a semester to her dream destination.
OP’s daughter will not be isolated as she will be sharing a 4 bedroom apt. on the edge of campus with other international students.
International students tend to be quite friendly, sensitive & outgoing based on my experiences. Especially so if just going abroad for a single semester. Often international students arrange trips to other cities (Sydney, for example) in order to make the most of their trip.
Very easy for shy individuals to initiate conversations when experiencing a new country.
I admit that as a college student, I didn’t struggle with these issues. However, I studied abroad and at the time, was the only person I ever knew who did so. No member of my family had ever been outside the US. I had an amazing, life changing experience.
I fully encouraged my shy, introverted daughter to study abroad. She went to Asia for a semester. Had an incredible time and made friends. She even went to an island and stayed for two nights, totally on her own, just because she wanted to. She didn’t tell me until after she returned because she thought I would freak out. I did a little, to be honest, but that’s my problem. I can say unequivocally that study abroad has made her a much more confident and independent person.
Frankly, any plane ride from the US to another country, barring much of Canada and Mexico, is a long plane ride. I see little difference between flying to Italy or Australia. It can take nearly as many hours to get from your home to a college in the middle of the country or on the opposite coast. You can be in Australia in 24 hours if needed.
If her issues are under control, and she WANTS to go, trust her. Let her go. You can’t protect her all her life.
I am probably projecting, but I’m speaking as a parent who has had one kid (young adult) end up in the ER with a panic attack when I was in a different state, and another kid (also a young adult) who broke down across country while in college. I would have done things differently if I got a “do over.”
@MaineLonghorn , you’ve always been open and honest about sharing your children’s experiences and you’ve helped many people, as has your child who shared his struggles. I admire your courage and hopefully you don’t blame yourself for what they went through because you were not physically near them at the time.
Respectfully, your children might be very different to OPs child. Maybe you could have done things differently, but you don’t know if this student is in the same position. If the illness is under control, it might be very beneficial for her to have the experience. I do think we need to let them fight their own battles at some point, assuming they are ready to do that.
Maybe with the help of a counselor or therapist, OP and her child can create a system to help the student check in with a therapist and home, and have a plan should she realize her symptoms are worsening. Maybe the student has to withdraw and come home if things go wrong. But maybe things go well and the student has a wonderful experience.
I did say in an earlier post that I’m sure the OP and professionals will come up with the best plan for the student. I’m not sure that getting advice from strangers on the internet is the best idea in this case.