Depression draining my academic achievement

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>Growing up, I have always been very academically talented. In elementary school, studying and learning came very naturally to me, and I only got better in middle school. As only an 8th grader, I qualified for USAMO, the most prestigious national math contest in the nation. I placed top 10 in many, many regional/statewide math exams. I also did well in other contests too, earning the highest score in the state twice in a row on the national Spanish exam. </p>

<p>Of course, none of that achievement came without incredibly dedicated studying. I used to be able to study up to 20-30 hours of math on my own outside of school math. Of course, the problems themselves were really challenging, but I never found it difficult to motivate myself to study. Sometimes, I even looked forward to working on problems because I found them interesting for their own sake.</p>

<p>But that was many, many years ago. (I'm a high school senior now, only a few months away from graduation.) I used to able to effortlessly focus on the material for hours. But now, I can barely make it past 15-30 minutes, getting distracted by all the overwhelmingly sad feelings that inevitably pop into my head. I feel like my head is fuzzy all the time and I can barely concentrate. I don't even know how it happened. I haven't realized how far I've come (in the wrong direction) since then, until a few days ago when I tried to work through a practice national math exam and performed horribly. I try to study, but it's so difficult now. I tell myself that if I set my mind to study for three hours then I should be able to, but I physically can't. It's very frustrating, because academics have meant so much to me. My achievements have composed such a large component of my identity and self-esteem, and now I feel like I'm losing that. </p>

<p>There is so much I can't control (circumstances, etc) but how hard I study is something I <em>can</em> control. I want to give math contests one final best shot since it's my last year in high school, and I want to give it my best. But depression gets in the way of that, because I set out time to study and really really try, but it just doesn't go as well anymore. Worst of all, I feel like I'm going backwards, like I'll never be as good as I once was in 8th/9th grade. And that just makes me feel even more hopeless/worthless. I'm not really sure what to do. Do I just try to trudge along? Do I lower my expectations and focus less on academic achievement? Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated...</p>

<p>--splash496</p>

2

<p>Are you being treated for depression? If not, make an appointment TODAY. You can’t fix this by yourself, anymore than you could fix a bleeding artery. Hopefully you are sharing your problems with your parents, so they assist you in getting the help you need. If you are being treated, get in touch with your doctor TODAY to talk about adjusting medications, etc. The first step is addressing the depression, not fretting over math contests.</p>

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<p>Certainly no one can make a diagnosis on a forum like this, but I agree with MommaJ that you need to seek out professional advice. If your parents are on board with psychiatric/psychological therapies, tell them. If they are the types who think “only crazy people see psychiatrists,” then you may want to put it more in terms of your physical symptoms to get an appointment with your regular doctor and then talk to him/her about what’s going on. You could also see if your school has a psychologist or social worker and talk to one of them so you can have some allies in getting the help you need. Good luck.</p>

4

<p>Based on your other thread, you’ve been struggling for a while now. Have you continued regular appointments with your psychologist? Perhaps it’s time to go a different route and make an appointment with a psychiatrist and get a thorough evaluation.</p>

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<p>I agree with the others in that what you really need right now is trying some other routes to healing your depression. It may take time but be assured, if it gets treated effectively, this will be but a blip in time and a temporary setback. Much like getting mono or any other physical illness that debilitates you. You are not going backwards, you have not permanently changed, you are just dealing with an illness right now.</p>

<p>And you perhaps can’t appreciate it now- because you are young and your mood is low- but you have a whole big wonderful life ahead of you! And TONS and TONS of time to enjoy, work hard like before, achieve, and shine in mathematics in all kinds of ways. But right now you need to heal.</p>

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<p>Splash, you have posted about your feelings of hopelessness before (from early Nov 2010). I haven’t read all your posts, as they’re quite lengthy. These forums can have a catharsistic effect, but given your perpetual state of sadness and hopelessness, might I suggest you find another source who can also listen, like your parents or GC?</p>

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<p>hi splash~ i think everyone’s already covered the answers. i’m returning to CC after a long time, and don’t know your posts. i do know you need good, sound professional help. find someone with whom you connect. and be sure they have someone they can recommend for a med eval. even your regular physician, if they know the field can medicate you, if money is an issue. another poster indicated you have a psychologist. have you stopped? need to find a better fit? take care of you.</p>

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<p>Have you been to your physician? My D was suffering from depression, and a blood test revealed that she had very low levels of Vitamin D. With her doctor’s supervision she began taking Vitamin D3 supplements and it is definitely helping.</p>

<p>You must see someone professional. Start with your doctor, tell him/her what’s going on. There IS help out there. Medicine (and that’s what anti-depressants are, medicine for an illness) can help - but only if you get a prescription and take them. </p>

<p>You don’t have to keep suffering, but things will only improve if you get professional help.</p>

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<p>Hey splash -</p>

<p>I’ve been there man. Depression sucks. I definitely lost a lot of my academic potential. Here’s one piece of advice I have, that helps me a lot (when I stick to it).</p>

<p>INTENSE EXERCISE. Once a day go on a run, or do crunches, lift weights, do pushups or whatever, and do it COMPLETELY INTENSE, like you’re exhausting yourself of all your anxiety and depressed thoughts. Any time you feel the depression coming back up, use it as energy to push yourself to the limit, convert those feelings to positive ones…It helps a lot man.</p>

<p>I think lots of people are depressed because they don’t know how to handle their feelings. here’s my theory: we have feelings because we have a NEED to ACT on them, not just brood on them but ACT, to make the feelings REAL. Or else they get bottled inside</p>

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<p>Try to monitor your sleep patterns. Part of your issue may be lack of sleep, possibly caused by stress etc. </p>

<p>Also follow the other good advise in above posts.</p>

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<p>You really should be under the care of a psychiatrist in addition to a psychologist. A psychiastrist is a medical doctor who after graduating from medical school did residency training in psychiatry. The symptoms you describe do sound like you could have a mental illness. Rather than the “talk” therapy psychologists are restricted to, psychiatrists, being licesned physicians and holders of a DEA number, can prescribe medications, inclusing controlled substances, which work to correct the chemical imbalances in the central nervous system that are the physical cause of mental illness. While no ethical physician will ever give you a guarantee that he can help you, psychiatrists can employ more therapies, particularly in the area of psychopharmacology, than other mental health profesionals that have the best chance of alleviating your symptoms.</p>

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<p>Splash, we corresponded privately during your last thread. One thing that you were gaining insight on was your reliance on external achievements for your identity and self-worth. We also discussed how this approach can lead to emptiness and depression, especially since this focus on externals can prevent developing a true inner sense of self.</p>

<p>I am sorry that you are still feeling hopeless and down. Please let go of these math goals, and focus on your inner struggle instead. The desire to achieve in math strikes me as almost obsessive-compulsive, and seems like a trick your mind is playing on you to distract you from the real issues.</p>

<p>I would see a doctor whom you trust. First, get physically checked. You could have Lyme disease, for instance, which can cause this kind of fuzziness.(Ask for a Western Blot test, not an Elisa.) Or low thyroid. Or autoimmune problems. Have your hormone levels checked, for estrogen dominance, for instance. Get a physical and eliminate these kinds of things. Even if there is no physical cause, there can be physical things that contribute to any already occurring depression. Integrative medicine can sometimes be helpful too. Are you eating and sleeping okay, and getting exercise?</p>

<p>Most importantly, as others have said, get yourself to a psychiatrist. Late high school and early college are the most common times for the onset of certain problems, such as bipolar disorder or depression. You need medications, I would think, in order to even benefit from therapy. Meds are just a way to give your brain what it needs to function well, until it can do it again without. They can even have a healing effect on the developing brain, if used for a year or so.</p>

<p>Neuropsychological testing might help too. Your thought patterns sometimes seem a little rigid and repetitive, which can show some obsessive compulsive patterns. These patterns can work really well in earlier years (making it possible to practice math for hours, for instance) but break down later. Your need to work so hard may have caused some burnout, too.</p>

<p>A good psychiatrist can look at all these things and give you a medication that will bring relief.</p>

<p>After that, though, you should find a good therapist. These days, psychiatrists do not do much therapy. Perhaps the psychiatrist could refer you, though.</p>

<p>Are your parents aware? Can they help?</p>

<p>Please know that many, many students find themselves in this plight during senior year. I recently read that 50% of Harvard students seek counseling and 1/3 are on meds. Sometimes achievement carries a price. And sometimes the price is not worth it. I have seen kids in very tough shape in senior year, who went on to thrive in college. You are head of the game: many have this crisis once on campus, where it is harder to deal with in some ways.</p>

<p>Please stop focusing on math and focus on yourself: your feelings, your fears about transition, your low self-esteem. Hang out with friends, relax, reflect. Things will be okay, but it will take some work. And make sure you are physically healthy too.</p>

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<p>I’m not a parent but I found this while searching for something and thought that I should relate my experience.</p>

<p>I think I had depression when I was in 9th and 10th grade. I never actually went to see a psychiatrist but I’m fairly sure that it was depression and I never told my parents. I just recovered from it (I’m in 12th grade) so here’s some advice:</p>

<p>Please see a psychiatrist. This is really very important.</p>

<p>Please tell your parents if you can. As I said, I never told my parents because I was very afraid of what they would say but in retrospect, I think I would have recovered earlier if I had told them. </p>

<p>And one last thing, you can and will overcome depression!</p>

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<p>Please, talk with your parents. Be honest and don’t try to hide the truth of your feelings.
There are so many things in your various posts that scream of someone in need of real help from psychiatrist. There isn’t any shame in needing help. The real shame is not asking for help when there is medical help available that can (will) put you on a path towards healing.</p>

<p>Ask for help. Your parents should call your primary care physician’s office and request to have the physician call them ASAP. They can discuss their concerns with your physician. Be sure to have them ask the physician for the names of a couple of psychiatrists in the area.</p>

<p>It’s nice that you have a place (CC) to express your feelings. However, we are not qualified to diagnose or provide treatment plans. What we can do is direct you to seek out professional help.</p>

15

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<p>This is pretty much what I suspected, but didn’t want to speculate on. It’s very common among super-achievers. Ask yourself if there are other things you are interested in that you are suppressing because you feel you should follow through and study for math contests. I know a lot of USAMO people, and most people did not become mathematicians. You should allow yourself to be interested in other things. It’s not like you are permanently closing off the math career path, either. I knew a USAMO guy who majored in philosophy at a good but not super-great (HYPMS) college. After graduation he decided he wanted to become a physicist and went back for a couple years. He won an NSF graduate fellowship in physics and got into every graduate school. NSF fellowship is the top and most recognized award you can get, and is a marker for future faculty. </p>

<p>There are probably a few different things going on. The suggestion to exercise vigorously once a day was a good one–it is supposed to enhance mood by increasing circulation to the brain. However, it should be aerobic exercise. I don’t think weight training does anything. Cardiovascular fitness is supposed to be tied to brain function and mood, according to Dr. Daniel Amen. (BTW, you should check out his video/book; it’s on amazon and is shown on pbs.) His strategies to get rid of automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) might also be useful to you, considering that you mentioned negative things “popping into your head”. Most psychotherapy seems obvious and cliche’d, but I was impressed with what he had to say on that. Finally, St. John’s Wort might be a good supplement to try. Studies show it is as effective in treating mild depression as anti-depressants. However, it can alter drug levels (by altering drug elimination) so you should talk to your doctor before considering that.</p>

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<p>Splash, I advise you to get information from your physician and mental health professional rather than rely on anecdotal theories on an internet message board. It’s best for you to have a complete medical and psychological work up. Based on the results of those work ups, you and your medical “team” can implement a treatment plan specific to your needs.</p>

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<p>I don’t believe I discouraged the OP from seeking medical and psychological professionals.</p>

<p>However, with all due respect to doctors, it pays to be pro-active and do your own research and ask around. And with something like this, it might be useful to talk to people who have some experience with his situation or people with his background. I assume that is why he came here.</p>

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<p>^This has been an ongoing issue with the OP (see previous thread). It is time for her to reach out to her parents and seriously admit to them that she needs help (starting with a medical and psychological evaluation). This is not something that is going to magically disappear without professional help.</p>