My older son hardly ever talks about his social life. About a week ago, upon sensing that his relationship with his college roommate has been drifting apart in recent months, we asked him about it. He then revealed about those several occasions that he had to carry his drunken roommate on his back to the dorm after parties. My son doesn’t drink and doesn’t regard those who drink to the excess with any respect. My son doesn’t even drink soda, our life-long instillation of healthy living. In spite of communicating about this issue with his roommate about his drinking problems, he most recently still ended up carrying his unconscious roommate on his back once more to the dorm, causing the strain on his relationship.
Last night, I had a phone conversation with my younger son. He’s a freshman in college, so his first time being away from home for a long stretch during which time he was able to experience what the world away from home is like, particularly in terms of human relationship. He had just gotten back from a week-long trip abroad with his orchestra mates, and this experience has really opened up his eyes about human relationships and, in particular, friendship. Prior to the trip, several of the orchestra members have formed a very tight coterie of friendship since the beginning of the freshmen year. The day before the trip abroad, one of the friends had an accident and she had to be on crutches. Once abroad, the orchestra rented a scooter for her for better mobility for sight-seeing. My son quickly learned that, except for another friend, all of the so-called friends decided to desert this kid on the scooter during the free times when they were given the opportunity for sight-seeing each city they were visiting. One time, this scooter broke down in the middle of this half-mile walk, and my son and his friend had to actually carry the heavy scooter on their shoulders to their destination. Afterward, the other able friend deserted them, as well, so my son was the only one remaining by the side of the girl on the scooter for the rest of their trips. My son isn’t a confrontational type at all, but when he and the girl, now on crutches, caught up to the rest of the group on their last leg of the trip and was asked, “where the hell have you guys been!?” by the group, my son was dumbfounded and he felt he had to let the group know about what he thought of them and their selfish behavior.
The funny thing about this story is that my son never even liked the girl on the scooter based on previous experiences he has had with her. His trip abroad was so exhausting, he said, he had to crash in his bed as soon as he got back to his dorm in spite of sleeping the whole time in the 9-hour flight back to the states. The last thing he said over the phone was that he had never realized the power of good home upbringing until this trip and thanked us both for having done a great job of raising him. On the one hand, my wife and I regretted that he had missed out on full enjoyment of the trip abroad, something he had been looking forward to for months, but we were grateful that the opportunity had given him a great lesson in human relationship, responsibility, friendship and being a good citizen. Just before hanging up the call, I told him, “you did the right thing.”
