We’ve started having conversations with our son about ways to be a considerate roommate. We’ve covered the basics - not being a complete slob, using headphones instead of blasting music, being respectful of personal space, flexible about schedules, etc. I’m now thinking about what else should go on this list, especially things that aren’t obvious.
I came across this old thread (http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-parents/1878463-dorm-visitation-policies-sexiling-unusual-dorm-policies-p1.html) but noticed it didn’t address the, ah, self-pleasuring habits of some roommates. I had a friend in college who was randomly assigned a roommate who didn’t think twice about taking care of those needs at any time of the day, roommate be damned. He was moved to a single pretty quickly, but I’m just wondering if any of the BS vets here have had to address this issue.
Oh my. LOL.
I’m kinda thinking that the roommates can handle this on their own without parental involvement. Unless the kid is an only child, they probably have worked out a ahem system already. Even the singleton should know by now what behavior is appropriate with others around. Certainly reinforce your teachings on respect, boundaries, privacy, etc., but I think the kids can work out the details on their own.
At my college, we had a roommate agreement meeting at the beginning of the year with our RA. Write it all out, sign it, talk about it. Not sure if it happens at prep schools, but I do agree that he’ll probably be just fine after a small learning curve.
Just to reinforce for users who happen to stumble on this thread: this is the prep school forum, so we are talking 13-17 year olds (roughly). So how one does/did/will do at the university may not apply here.
@skieurope I certainly hope so, although I’ve witnessed some questionable behavior recently that reminded me that not everyone understands norms or picks up on social cues…
My kids have had to deal with some roommate issues but THAT one definitely hasn’t been an issue.
Some to add to the list:
Ask before using anything belonging to your roommate or have a dialog about what can be shared and what is off limits.
Make an attempt to try to work things out and discuss things between the two of you first before complaining to a) other students or b) faculty or staff. Open communication is a good thing.
Talk about things right away. Don’t let things build up so that a mountain is made out of a molehill. Again, communicate.
I would add being respectful of introvert roommates. Our daughter is a social butterfly and drove her introvert freshman roommate crazy by always hosting friends in their dorm room. Her room was the hangout room. She had multiple sleepovers in the room with 2 girls squeezing on the top bunk with her roommate sleeping underneath. Not sure the best way to resolve this type issue- but just know it can be tricky with different personality styles living together.
Do your laundry, including your sheets, regularly. D1’s fiance had a roommate who never did laundry. He just kept wearing dirty clothes. Fiance finally came up with saying, “Hey, let’s go do laundry and play cards while it runs.” It worked.
Regarding the area you are concerned about, I doubt your son will tell YOU if this is a problem. But If he asked out here, I’d give him the advice to say, “Dude, that’s private behavior. Please wait until I’m out of the room.”
IMO, if a parent needs to flat-out tell the kid not to take care of business in front of their roommate, then the kid is probably not ready for boarding school.
Definitely take care of smelly clothes and shoes! I nagged my son all through soccer preseason (before the laundry service kicked in) about figuring out where to do his laundry. He had several days of summer time practice gear building up, and I was so worried about his roommate’s parents arriving at a room that already smelled like a zoo. He managed to figure out the laundry, but later in the year his roommate’s Mom gave him high-end odor spray for his cleats and sneakers.
Also, don’t give away your roommate’s food! Seems obvious, but I guess everything in sight can be fair game for hungry boys. We also reminded DS to keep his food on the highest shelf in his closet.
Also, be mindful of when your roommate is talking to his parents on the phone. We have heard some interesting tidbits in the background while Facetiming DS, even when he’s using earbuds.
I think living with a roommate is one of the best learning experiences in BS.
:-S Mother, please!!!
But kudos and a prize to @momof3nyc for starting an original thread on this forum.
Thank you, @ChoatieMom - mindful of the dreaded repeat thread, I promise I really did search before posting!
I’m curious to know what search terms / phrases you put in to search for this topic @momof3nyc :))
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la %-(
Can someone please cover my eyes???
There was a college roommate thread on this very problem a year or so ago.
@buuzn03 at least you son has a single for next year, right? So you need not worry about roommate issues :">