<p>Yeah, well he went to a “Christian” school K-12, and who knows what they told him. The Jesuit philosophy sounded like a perfect transition to higher education to me, and it’s been great.</p>
<p>Oh, and the last sentance was supposed to read “he hasn’t been to church yet”.</p>
<p>I cannot imagine why a parent would force a young adult child to attend mass. I say this as a religious woman who raised her children with a religious background (church, Sunday school, parents involved in the life of the church even before the kids were born). My kids were a part of a very supportive church community, and they were further exposed to religion at a parochial school. While my D is “religious,” my S is an atheist; he is 20. How on earth can I expect my son to have faith??? Faith is a personal thing. He may one day come back to the beliefs with which he was raised, but he may not. It is so deeply personal. I cannot expect him to conform to my beliefs.</p>
<p>OP, you raised your D in the faith. It is now time to allow her to determine her own beliefs and her own place in her church. Tying your college funding to attending mass is simply a power play … you are not changing anything about her beliefs, but you may well be causing her to resent the very faith you want her to embrace. </p>
<p>I just do not get it.</p>
<p>OP has already said she’s not going to force the issue or tie money into it anymore.</p>
<p>She didn’t meet your criteria, so you shouldn’t feel obligated to pay. As a father of two college students, I told them from toddler age that Dad will not pay for college, weddings, and bail bonds. Took a lot of heat from other parents who, now stuck with grads living at home, have come around a bit to my way of thinking.</p>
<p>But I’m missing something. I went to CCD and Catholic school. First thing I learned in the catechism was that God is everywhere. Later I learned that Jesus was forgiving.</p>
<p>How does your edict make you closer to God and Jesus’ teachings? Don’t you think having her brother monitor her church attendance and reporting back to you a bit Judas-like, or Jesus-like? </p>
<p>Maybe your church isn’t right for her, at least for now. Maybe she’s one of millions who’ve felt alienated by the church, but not necessarily God. Maybe her soul is searching and questioning and looking for “truth”.</p>
<p>She won’t be the first. If you really know about Church history, you would know that St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Augustine went through the same thing. Their remedy was to study philosophy, which they adapted to form the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. Even the concept of the soul and the Trinity predates Jesus. They came from philosophy.</p>
<p>I say philosophical study and awakening is a higher calling than muttering dogma that isn’t in her mind and heart. And maybe that will bring her back closer to the Church.</p>
<p>Making sure she keeps her promises is a good thing, but ganging up on her and making her feel isolated will only make a gap in her relationship with you and God. Their might be a reason she doesn’t want to go to mass. It could have to do with the passed or it could just be that she’s concentrating on her studies. Try not to but in so much. Let her fined her way back into faith on her own terms. And not paying her intuition because she wont go to mass is not something a good parent would do. Make sure your just asking, not forcing. You don’t want to be the parent that tries to take away her opportunities out of your own wishes.</p>
<p>You asked her to do something - she didn’t do it! End of story!</p>
<p>Stop paying her tuition until she starts going back! treat her like an adult, cut her off, let her stand on her own two feet and see how she copes. She wants to act like an adult and be treated with respect, well treat her like an adult but ways until she starts respecting you before you pay for her schooling!</p>
<p>I agree, redeye. I find it interesting that the comments here that weren’t very exceptional in kindness or wisdom changed the OP’s mind. When people are brought up with religion, usually just saying ‘let her do what she wants’, especially coming from people who do not seem to value religion in their own lives, does not change their mind. However, I think people don’t know what to think anymore or what to do. I think there is a fine line between guiding a daughter/son and pushing them. I hope I am never in this situation because I’ve always loved religion myself.</p>
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<p>Presumably you think that she’ll just give in, with the alternatives being too difficult to contemplate. </p>
<p>Of course, she may ultimately just choose not to do so, and adapt to her new life circumstances, even if they are much more difficult. And she may still succeed. And she might not have any further interest in a relationship with her parents. Wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened. There’s a significant risk in taking this path.</p>
<p>you wanted your daughter to be treated like an adult and make independent decisions (while attending college for free), but you still wanted to force her to behave/attend mass and take direction like a child. I know it’s a small concession, but you can’t have your cake and eat it too, so now she attends mass (like you want her to) but it cost 25K a year to do so. So, why are you whining? If you did your parenting job right from day one you would have instilled all the values and virtues of you home/religion etc. for her to make the right decisions, yes she would stray away a little but eventually she would have circled back, but you didn’t trust her to do that. So, I have to guess that you didn’t do that great of a job instilling that and you have a trust issue with your daughter so much so that you feel like babysitting and shepherding her at 18-21 is gonna make a difference.</p>
<p>Sorry, I think she is gonna do this and when it’s over she is gonna go way, way, way out on a anti-catholic limb. So, are you ready for that? She’ll comply now, but sneak and do everything that gets under your skin and surprise you when it’s found out, are you ready for that? These are some of the possibilities that await you now that you’ve decided not to trust her. Happy parenting.</p>
<p>You know, folks, by all means continue to discuss this issue in general terms if you wish, but at least acknowledge the decision that the OP has already posted. And stop insulting her when you are too lazy even to read through the entire thread.</p>
<p>POSTERS, BEFORE YOU POST:</p>
<p>Please go back and read the entire thread.</p>