<p>I haven’t seen this brought up (except in the networking context) but one of the best things for me about having been in a sorority are the alumnae clubs. I have been a member of a few clubs and found them a great way to meet other women when I was new to an area. I have met women from all over the country with very diverse college experiences and very different lives now. My involvement with the alumnae clubs has varied with how busy I have been with other parts of my life but I try to stay at least minimally involved. The clubs I have been in place a heavy focus on volunteering and giving back.</p>
<p>All of the large national sororities have websites. Please check them out if you have a D who is interested. Our national has awards for outstanding alumnae in both community service and also for career achievement. I suspect many if (not most) of the others do too.Many very accomplished women are sorority members.</p>
<p>YES. I wouldn’t have had a lot of opportunity to interact with the engineering majors, the theater majors, the music majors, etc. otherwise. I might have just remained friendly with folks in my major (I had a small major with only 15 people) and those who happened to live in my small (80 person) freshman dorm. I got to meet girls from all over the country and indeed the world (England, South Africa). What you guys don’t seem to get is that the rush process is just the beginning. When you pledge a house, you maybe only know a handful of the girls. But now you have 100 other girls to get to know better. It opens your social vista, not narrows it. </p>
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<p>The women in my sorority, as adults, now do the following:
Attended top law schools (Yale and NU being the most predominant) and now lawyers in various capacities at notable firms
PhD’s / Professors
Doctors / dentists
Business owners - public relations, yoga studio, theater studio, marketing consultancies
Leaders in various volunteer capacities
Journalists for the NY Times / Chicago Tribune
Ministers
And some are at home with their children at this point in their lives.</p>
<p>But go ahead. Continue to believe that they’re all stupid southern-belle types who pick best friends foreva based on how cute your hairdo is, how much your daddy makes, and have a list of approved handbags to carry, and who care nothing about academics! All college age guys must be just like John Belushi in Animal House, too! </p>
<p>The worst thing about the sorority system is how some systems ruin it for the rest of us.</p>
<p>I went to UT in the 80’s. I did not join a sorority. I couldn’t have afforded the dues and I wasn’t particularly interested in it to begin with. However, I cringe at the very broad strokes which have been painted here about these women. I met many sorority girls in my classes and at my dorm. I actually ended up being roommates with one who was nowhere near like the stereotype. I had several sorority acquaintances from my dorm who became friends and now I know several women (other Moms from my daughter’s school) who were in sororities at UT during that time frame who are wonderful, kind, “regular” people. To say that NONE of the thousands of students who pledged at UT in the 80’s were really worth knowing or that they were all “fake,” all materialistic or always “waaaaaaysted” is absurd.</p>
<p>I attended a small LAC with no Greek life. S is at a small LAC, D at large university, both with active Greek life. Both began the rush process, S did not receive a bid and D just dropped out of the recruitment process. </p>
<p>There are a lot of stereotypes and negativity about sororities/fraternities that for the most part I feel is undeserved. The Greek kids in our community do a great deal for our schools as well as wonderful philanthropic activities. That said, it is not for everyone. </p>
<p>D’s a member of a selective organization that has an active alumni network; she meets people from all over campus; community service is performed; good group for her. It’s co-ed and while she had hoped for the camaraderie that sisterhood would bring, the rapport just wasn’t there to make such a huge financial and time commitment. For her, it was the right decision. It’s going to be hard when her friends receive their bids, but I think better to say “this is not for me”.</p>
<p>^ That’s right, the point is it’s not for everyone and so hopefully this thread can show a little bit about why it may or may not be right for the OP or others.</p>
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<p>Perhaps, but I, for one, would never suggest that Greek life is not a positive experience or the right choice for many people. But I did know at least a couple of friends who, like VeryHappy, deactivated by junior or senior year (one of them was among the girls who got me to try rush as a freshman). I’m sure only a small minority deactivate but it indicates not everybody automatically loves it once they are on the inside.</p>
<p>Of course there are going to be a few girls who quit their sorority! Just like there are players who quit the football team, people who quit their “dream job,” and college students who drop out or transfer! Who here, other than you, said “everybody automatically loves it once they are on the inside?”</p>
<p>Sorority life has its ups and downs just like everything else. I went through a phase of indecision about staying a member about the same time as Very Happy, but unlike her, I decided to try to get the most out of it rather than quit, so I ran for President. Becoming more involved made all the difference for me.</p>
<p>My sorority was exactly “Legally Blonde” :eek: and my sister tells me today they even have the fancy exercise room. And my sorority sisters were very much like Elle Woods. They went on to be lawyers, doctors, engineers, business owners, politicians. Some of them get mentioned in the news fairly regularly. This isn’t that surprising to me considering they already started off ahead of the game – that “elitist” family background. They do impressive and important charity work, they network. Some of them list the sorority on their cv’s. Some don’t. ;)</p>
<p>IMO it is important for those women who weren’t sorority members to have some sense of what rush is if their own daughters are going to go through that experience. I can only speak to my experience which was admittedly really really long ago, at only one sorority at only one college campus. I would suggest trying to get some insider information at the particular school your daughter attends if she is thinking of rushing. ymmv</p>
<p>And that’s where the disconnect was. We were, for the most part, middle or upper middle class women. Many were on work-study or scholarships. If anyone was particularly wealthy, we sure didn’t know, and no one was concerned with “family background.” Our parents were our parents. It had nothing to do with them. </p>
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<p>I agree. I would be very hesitant to have my D go through rush at the types of schools that attract a lot of girls concerned with “others’ family backgrounds,” or at which the entire campus has a reputation that it’s superficial, concerned with money and appearance, etc., the system is set up so that many girls are chasing few spots, and once you join OMG-the-Chi-Omegas-never-talk-to-the-Kappas. </p>
<p>At a more serious-minded school, though, where academics are a priority, and in a more normal system where there’s pretty much a place for everybody who wants to join? Yes, why not give a try, you can always drop out of rush if you don’t care for it.</p>
<p>@@ Like you couldn’t figure out from the fact that it was the University of Alabama that the Greek system was going to be overwrought and full of itself. And that a Jewish girl would find few places to welcome her. Greek systems can only reflect the students who attend there. I wouldn’t encourage my D to rush at the University of Alabama – because I would be loathe to have her attend in the first place. </p>
<p>This woman’s comments about being expected to eat there every morning and every night are so far from my experience as to be laughable – you ate dinner at your house one night a week and attended a short meeting afterwards. You weren’t “disciplined” for what you said or did, you weren’t expected to present yourself a certain way, you didn’t have “committees” reviewing your behavior. You went about your college life and participated in sorority activities as you were so inclined, or not. You dated the boys you wanted to date. You made friends outside the house or not as you were so inclined.</p>
<p>And this whole “machine” thing is laughable. OMG-they-held-all-the-campus-offices, including-Homecoming-Queen. Uh - in normal campuses, no one even knows who the homecoming queen is. It’s not a matter of importance. At Northwestern, Greeks didn’t “dominate” other offices. You joined or didn’t join whatever clubs you were so inclined to join. </p>
<p>Could we please not confuse the Greek system at academically-less-serious colleges with big party scenes and overinflated self-importance of a Greek system, with the Greek system at academically-serious colleges where Greek organizations focus on scholarship, philanthropy and structured social spaces? Thanks.</p>
<p>This reminds me, my brother, who would have been at UT in the late 60s/early 70s, had a job as a server at dinner time for one of the sorority houses. There’s nine years difference between the two of us, so maybe hearing his stories of serving these girls is what influenced me from an early age to not even consider it. And I doubt any of those sororities would have taken someone whose brother had actually been one of their manual laborers!</p>
<p>Do those who were in the Greek system at academically-serious colleges where Greek organizations focus on scholarship, philanthropy and structured social spaces not consider members at other chapters of their sorority, even at southern schools, to be their <em>sisters</em>? Even if you think this is a southern problem, is there any concern how your sorority represents itself elsewhere than your particular alum chapter?</p>
<p>teriwtt: a pledge was dismissed from my class for getting too cozy with one of the kitchen boys. The 70’s. I honestly doubt that would happen today.</p>
<p>Only in the vaguest sense of the word.
Let me give you an example.
My sorority’s chapter was the second-oldest chapter of the sorority overall, and had come to the campus in the 1880’s. It had a major presence in terms of producing campus leaders, community leaders, and even some nationwide leaders. It was one of the award-winning chapters within the sorority, held up as a model for other chapters, we were sent to start up chapters at other colleges (for example, WashU).
My sister attended a state flagship in which their chapter of my sorority had gotten kicked off campus because they were such idiots that they did some kind of hazing whereby the girls were drunk, went to the roof of the building, and one girl fell off and died. </p>
<p>Now, obviously that’s unfortunate and terrible that these girls were so stupid, but what did my chapter have in common with idiots like that? Nothing. They were only our “sisters” in a conversational way (“Oh, you were a XXX in college too, huh, small world!”) and that’s about the end of it. </p>
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<p>No. Everyone knows that the reputations are different from university to university. What the Thetas or the Kappas or the Chi O’s or the DG’s are like at College A really has very little to do with what they are like at College B.</p>
<p>We didn’t have servers or kitchen boys. We did have supper club, which any member could participate in or not, but it was usually just the girls who lived in the house so we had perhaps 10-12 girls. Each week, members paired up to be in charge of dinners for the week (Mon - Thurs only) We would plan the meals, shop, cook, serve and clean up. Those girls would get dinners free that week. Several of us, for whom money was an issue, did it quite often. Others never did it - or had their parents fly dinner in from an Italian restaurant in New York (see previous post). I still get teased for managing to ruin pigs in a blanket.</p>
<p>I am alternately appalled and amused about the stereotyping of sorority sisters that I see here. Just a comment of two: Ever hear about “mean girls”, the ones who exists in middle/high school? At least in my neck of the woods there aren’t any sorority women involved, just a group of nasty females. And, once they graduate they may or may not grow up. But they do not necessarily become sorority women. </p>
<p>The site, GreekChat.com has many stories about recruitment–some good, some not so good and most of them truthful. And yes, you might see my name there because I have nothing to hide about my feelings about recruitment and the sorority experience. </p>
<p>Oh, and since my daughter IS in the real Legally Blonde sorority (based on and filmed there evidently) I have to second the fact that there are successful, happy and wonderful young women in the house. And they do come in all religions, races, and socio economic backgrounds.</p>
<p>And as for Hashers, as we called them, lots of guys did the job for two reasons: to eat well…and to meet cute girls. And that was never a problem.</p>
<p>Some on this thread have touted national sorority clubs, and being able to network with sorority sisters from other chapters, as advantages of joining a sorority. Now we are to conclude that those are not advantages, since you wouldn’t know whether you were networking with a woman concerned with scholarship and philanthropy, or a shallow status-obsessed airhead? Do those of you who were members of Delta Zeta, the sorority whose national officers came into De Pauw and threw out all the sisters who were not thin enough or white enough, disavow your national chapter too?</p>
<p>The fact that most people have heard about the DePauw travesty says much about our ethics. I have NEVER heard anyone defend their actions. There are less popular houses (I was in the "Jewish"house, and we were the less popular house), and they be less in demand because they are not considered “hot”, but what happens inside the house is what counts. The friendships made, the experiences of the sisters THAT is what is remembered.</p>
<p>And please note: My daughter’s friend who goes to another university was offered a bid to her legacy. She refused them because, she said (I have no confirmation of her assertions) that two of the girls were in wheelchairs and “there was something wrong with” another sister. What she meant was they weren’t the “hot” house. And they took “undesirables.” I think this comes under the Groucho Marx assertion that any club that wanted him as a member wasn’t good enough. Friend didn’t join anywhere.</p>
<p>Again, I have never heard anyone say that Delta Zeta was right. I don’t know the end of the story for this chapter, but I suspect that chapter is doomed, not because of the girls IN the chapter…but because of what National did to the chapter.</p>
<p>I’m talking just about CC-type schools; I think the disadvantages of sororities at party schools are a different matter.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Even at Duke, Penn, Cornell, etc., an outsider could instantly distinguish a photo of the “hot” chapter from a photo of the “fat loser” chapter. In other words, if you are fat and/or ugly, there are certain chapters that just won’t consider you. Of course, if that bothers you, you can join a chapter that’s more open-minded. But in order to do that, you have to go through rush and submit to the judgment of the “hot” chapters. I consider that a disadvantage.</p></li>
<li><p>Social segregation. Yes, at the schools we’re talking about, the NPC sororities take women of every color and background. But are the sororities as ethnically diverse as the student body? No, not even close. Maybe the most diverse CHAPTER in the whole system will be as diverse as the student body. Maybe (I’ve never seen it). But the sorority system overall is always whiter than the school, and sometimes a whole lot whiter. Now, we could argue about why that is, and whether the sororities should be doing more to change it. But it is a fact that by joining the NPC system to make friends, you’ll likely be making a group of friends that’s whiter than the school.* That’s a disadvantage to me, and a very significant disadvantage if I’ll be living/eating in the sorority house, rather than continuing to meet all flavors of people in the upperclassman dorms.</p></li>
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<p>All that being said, if I had a daughter at Cornell, then as long as she had a good head on her shoulders and a firm sense of self, I wouldn’t have a problem with her rushing. If she thought the pros outweighed the cons, that would be good enough for me.</p>
<p>*For the record, I also considered this a disadvantage of joining in my university’s classical choir, where I made a lot of wonderful friends. But friendship wasn’t the primary purpose of that organization.</p>
<p>Seriously what is wrong in being a girl. Just because a girl is studying at a nerd school dominated by a nerd boys doesn’t mean she has to become a boy or behave like a boy.</p>
<p>DD goes to a nerd college and was at a nerdy prep school. Still we have always tried that she participate in fashion shows, be upto date with fashion, be creative and involve with girly stuff too.</p>
<p>At the end of the day she is a girl and should have girl like qualities too. We want equal oppertunities for girl but don’t want to transfer girls into boys.</p>