dismissed first semester Freshman year - any advice

Parents Forum
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<p>I agree, it seems odd that he wasn’t placed on academic probation for his second semester. Unfortunately asking the college about this probably wont get you very far as that kind of information would be confidential under FERPA. </p>

<p>As for options, it may benefit him to attend a community college for a few semesters. These institutions have open access policies, so admission won’t be a problem, and typically have excellent academic support resources. If he does well at the community college then when he looks to transfer his poor performance this year won’t affect him as badly. </p>

<p>If it offers any consolation - I first attended college and earned about a 1.0 GPA - I transferred to a community college and (since the grades themselves don’t transfer) I was able to graduate with high honors. I went on to a private liberal arts college on a full scholarship, graduated magna cum laude, and now hold a masters degree and work in Higher Ed Administration. One bad semester isn’t going to ruin his life, he still has the opportunity to rebound.</p>

<p>I think that it is important for him to seriously evaluate what went wrong with this semester. If there are unresolved issues, then no matter where he transfers he could be faced with the same situation.</p>

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<p>^^“from your lips to God’s ears!” I pray my son will be as fortunate and wise (enough to change his ways) as you!! Thanks for that glimmer of hope!</p>

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<p>My son is a high school senior with poor work ethic. He does just enough to get by – has a core gpa of 2.0. He has been accepted to a four year college two hrs. away from home. We are trying to decide if he should stay home and go to jr. college and prove to us that he can pass, OR if he would mature faster if he is away from us. He is on medication for ADHD; he has an average IQ; he knows how to study; however, he chooses not to. He has been tutored extensively. Selfishly, I would love to have a break from him; however, want to do what is best for HIM. He’s a good kid otherwise and a very good athlete. He could have played football had his grades been good enough. Any advice out there for this mom?</p>

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<p>What does HE say he is capable of? Have you had any kind of conversations or is there just a lot of assuming going on?</p>

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<p>"My son is a high school senior with poor work ethic. He does just enough to get by – has a core gpa of 2.0. He has been accepted to a four year college two hrs. away from home. We are trying to decide if he should stay home and go to jr. college and prove to us that he can pass, OR if he would mature faster if he is away from us. "</p>

<p>Speaking from experience here as the mom of 2 ADHD/ADD sons who performed far below their capabilities in high school. Don’t rely on your S’s promises. Rely on his actions. Make him prove to you his ability to handle college by getting acceptable grades for at least one year while living at home and going locally.</p>

<p>Someone who’s getting only a 2.0 while in high school isn’t going to magically do well after moving away and going to college. He’ll still lack discipline, and will have many additional distractions.</p>

<p>Don’t listen to his promises: Look at his actions. My older S said he wanted to go to college, and went 1,000 miles away to a college of his choice. He flunked out after getting one D – his highest grade in 2 semesters. Don’t waste your money and time like that.</p>

<p>We told younger S that he’d have to pay for his own first year of college because his high school record – particularly his almost not graduating senior year – made him a bad investment for us. After living at home and paying rent while doing a gap year with Americorps, he took out big loans to go away to his college of choice, where he has been on honor roll since he started there 2 years ago. We started helping S financially with college after his freshman year.</p>

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<p>His actions are speaking louder than his words at the moment. We are planning to have a family meeting with him; but we want to get our “ducks in a row” first and give him some options and/or goals to reach that will show us he is college capable.</p>

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<p>We haven’t thought of Americorps. If he does a gap year, my concern is that he will not want to go back to school. He wants to go to college, but I think it’s for the wrong reasons.</p>

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<p>A gap year – having to support himself on what he’s making (and you can mandate that even if he’s living at home) may cause your S to want to return to college – for educational reasons – or to get the vocational training he would need to support himself in the style in which he wishes to live.</p>

<p>When my S did a gap year with Americorps we charged him $50 a week rent and board, and he had to pay for gas for the car he used. He basically saved the rest of his $ because he knew he would have to be paying for his first year of college-- our mandate since he almost didn’t graduate from high school.</p>

<p>Unlike the many young people whose parents let them live at home rent free while spending their earnings on clothes and entertainment, my son got to see that low paying jobs (Americorps provides a small living stipend) would mean that he would not be able to support himself in the lifestyle he has been accustomed to living. As a result, he takes college very seriously, including doing what’s necessary to get decent employment after graduation.</p>

<p>College is not for everyone. A person who has only a 2.0 in high school doesn’t sound like they’re likely to do well in college if they go directly from high school. Older S – the one who flunked out of college – wanted to go to college, too. He wanted to go because he hated our hometown, and he wanted to live in a big city. He picked his college due its being in a big city with the weather he loved, and sports he loved to watch. He didn’t pick it for its academics, which should have been a big red flag to us. </p>

<p>He had a great time in college writing sports for the campus paper, going to sports games, partying with new friends. He didn’t, though, take advantage of academics at all by going to class or even taking his exams. He considers his college experience to have been successful because his favorite college team won the national championship. </p>

<p>At age 26, he has never returned to college despite having SAT scores in the 98th percentile. But he is very happily supporting himself and living far away from our “boring” city by using his excellent writing and other skills to do administrative work for a large corporation. </p>

<p>Not everyone, including not every smart person, is college material. However, virtually everyone will need some kind of vocational or other post high school training or education in order to be able to support themselves.</p>

<p>I would not send a student with a 2.0 gpa away to college. At most, I’d allow them to live at home and commute to community college while working and taking out loans to pay for part of the costs. If the student did well --at least a 3.0 average without my having to wake them up, make sure they did homework, etc., I’d allow them to transfer after finishing community college.</p>

<p>This is what one of older S’s best friends parents mandated for their underachieving smart son. I thought they were being mean. Their son, however, was dean’s list throughout community college then went to the state flagship, and now is headed to law school.</p>

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<p>shirley, maybe you can make a plan for second semester of senior year, like “if you make a xx GPA we will support you going away. If you continue at a 2.0 or less, then you need to go to the local JC.”</p>

<p>I have a senior son too and he is expected to at a minimum maintain his first semester GPA but try and raise it for second semester. We will also set some expectations for college, although not sure yet what that GPA level should be.</p>

<p>With our kids, expectations need to be established and communicated. If they don’t get a 3.0, they cannot go for their driver’s permit or license. Your S may benefit from having expectations set about improving the 2.0 GPA–what level he must raise it to, what actions he must take, etc. to prove he is taking academics seriously and responsible enough to go away to college.</p>

<p>Has he always been at this level or has there been a dip as courses got more difficult?</p>

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<p>Thanks so much for your advice. He’s an only child, and I’ve been somewhat of an enabler; so I am somewhat obsessed with this. The easiest and less confrontational decision for everyone would be to let him go away for one semester, and possibly(probably) crash and burn; then come home and go to c. college. But my husband and I don’t’ want to take the easy way out. Thanks to you, now I have another option to explore with the gap year. Our son will share in the decision process, but as parents, we must make that final decision. It’s not all about the money and that we’d be throwing the money away – although it IS a factor :slight_smile: My concern is that if he did crash and burn, he might become discouraged and feel that he is not smart enough to handle it. He already feels he is not smart because of his ADHD. With all of that said, junior college may be the best road for him. What do you think about him going to summer school at the j college, take a couple courses, to prove to us he can stay focused and do it?</p>

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<p>He’s always been this way. Your idea about this second semester is an excellent idea! That way, he could start on showing us he is capable and we would be more comfortable with him going.</p>

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<p>I would make sure the college has tutoring/support for him if he goes away. </p>

<p>There are no guarantees that our children will be successful in college. My guy is very social and athletic and I don’t know if he will spend more time making friends and playing sports than with his nose in his books. But he realizes how much we will be paying, he does not want to stay in college for more than four years, he has gotten himself up for 7:00 a.m. classes for the last three years and maintained a B average, so we are betting that he’ll do o.k. But we don’t really know. If he doesn’t make it, then he’ll come home and we’ll come up with a Plan B (most likely community college and part-time work with a plan to transfer when ready.) </p>

<p>It sounds like your S may lack confidence and I’d recommend you use these last four months of high school to see if you and he can boost it. Improving grades is a great confidence booster and will help in the self-esteem department too. </p>

<p>Does he feel he is ready to go away or is he wavering? I would focus on this aspect in addition to the grades performance.</p>

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<p>Shirley, there are a lot of us with similar worries…eeeek!</p>

<p>I think I am going to tattoo that old Dr. Seuss quote on my son’s hand so he might finally realize that his future is of his own choosing. I’ll have to look for the exact wording, but it goes something like this.</p>

<p>You have a brain in your head;
You have feet in your shoes;
The direction you go, is the one that YOU choose.</p>

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<p>“I would make sure the college has tutoring/support for him if he goes away.”</p>

<p>A sign of a conscientious parent! Most colleges have writing centers, where students an have papers edited and tutors. But students have to be motivated to use the service. I made sure that my ADHD son knew about tutoring and support available to him. He has never used the services. Level of maturity is at issue. I predict that he will graduate on the 4 year plan, but his grade point will not be what it could have been. Students who were not mature in HS are not likely to mature dramatically during the summer before they start college. H and I have been driven to the brink of insanity at some of this kid’s stunts. We have realized, over time, that he is about 3 years behind the expected norms for social maturity. He’s a sweet kid, but often seems like a HS kid.
Don’t expect an academically disinterested kid to seek tutoring help.</p>

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<p>" I made sure that my ADHD son knew about tutoring and support available to him. He has never used the services."</p>

<p>Very true. My bright ADHD S who flunked out entered as a star academic recruit (very strong EC, high scores, rigorous curriculum) and also had skipped a year. The college bent over backward to help him by connecting him with various resources to help him become organized. He didn’t bother to follow through. He didn’t care about his academics.</p>

<p>ADHD/ADD people can do very well when they’re motivated. However, they have to be motivated.</p>

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<p>Not the same, but at a major Division I school I attended, football and basketball team members were required to attend study hall and tutoring until they’d demonstrated strong grades for at least one or two terms. I wonder whether a lot of kids with ADHD would be better served with “contracts” (parental or school) that required them to participate in some kind of organized study hall and tutoring (with access to in-progress grades) until they’d demonstrated the ability to manage the schoolwork rather than waiting until the kid thinks that there might be a problem. </p>

<p>Just a thought.</p>

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<p>“I wonder whether a lot of kids with ADHD would be better served with “contracts” (parental or school) that required them to participate in some kind of organized study hall and tutoring (with access to in-progress grades) until they’d demonstrated the ability to manage the schoolwork rather than waiting until the kid thinks that there might be a problem.”</p>

<p>As someone with ADHD, I would be offended that it is assumed that I need an exterior motivation to be organized. The problem that ADHD causes is not the motivation to be organized and to keep up with schoolwork but having the skills to do so, the contract handles issue A (which has nothing to do with ADHD) instead of issue B (which does). Forcing me to participate in activities to aid in organization would be incredibly demeaning. If I need them, I’ll use them. If I need them and won’t use them, that isn’t because I have ADHD, it’s because I am immature. Just like any other kid without ADHD who doesn’t take advantage of campus resources or keep on top of their schoolwork-- and let’s be honest, how many of those are there?</p>

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<p>Unfortunately for many people with ADHD, and I include myself among them, motivation to keep organized is <em>exactly</em> the problem. For those students, arabrab’s proposal would be excellent. On this parent’s forum, lately we’ve heard all too many stories of sons who needed help but didn’t use it.</p>

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<p>OK. Am I getting this right?
Maybe understanding, accepting and accommodating one’s own ADHD is achieved through maturity and coaching. For some of us, and I definitely include myself, the motivation to stay organized varies. For me, staying consistently organized is a higher level skill, requiring supreme effort.* I do not always function at peak performance. When I was 18, I sure didn’t understand all of the complexities of my cognitive functioning. I did know that I worked harder with poorer results than kids less bright than I. A tutor or life coach would have helped greatly. I am not certain that I would have accepted the help, but for young adults whose parents are subsidizing their education, it seems like a reasonable requirement that they use available support systems until they demonstrate success through good grades. Fortunately, many young people have a better understanding of their learning needs than I did.</p>

<p>*Give me a good art project any day! And please don’t ask me to pick up the mess until the project is complete. lol</p>