<p>Sounds like your son was like me…</p>
<p>We had my daughter come home after her first year of college after seeing the downward trend in her grades and behavior. She enrolled in the CC last summer and took 5 classes this past semester. She made the presidents list this semester and is starting this next
semester with a 3.7+. </p>
<p>She was only 17 when she left for school and she went wild when she was away. She feels that being away is not the right choice for her at this point, but believe me that was not what she said when we first took her home. She came home kicking and screaming and insisted that we were ruining her life. Just a few short months later, a good therapist and doctor and proper medication and she has grown up more since she is home than the year she was away. </p>
<p>My daughter is also working about 15 hours a week to keep her busy when she is not studying. I figure she would just be wasting time if she was not working in those down hours with things like facebook and texting. I do not regret not sending my daughter back to her college and have come to realize that she was just not ready to be on her own in an academic environment. She could not prioritize and she still has issues with it. At least at home I am able to be a help in terms or the organizational issues that she has trouble with. I am hoping that after this semester and the summer she will be ready to make the transition to another four year school. Now it is all about taking it, a step at a time.</p>
<p>You are not alone in seeing a child bomb their first semester or year of college. It was hard to see anything positive when we first took her home but things are changing. I can’t say everyday is a walk in the park but we have come a long way. I wish you and your son the best of luck.</p>
<p>We know that the brain is not fully developed until about age 25. The difference between 17 and 19 is huge. </p>
<p>We have a young friend who splatted his senior spring in HS. He did manage to get a GED. No college acceptances. This bright, sweet young man went from talking about double majoring in math and economics to talking, hopefully, about getting a local job at the burger barn. </p>
<p>The economy is really tough. Our young friend has applied for over 100 jobs – but there isn’t much out there – particularly if you have a GED and no work experience. </p>
<p>I hope your son will do volunteer work (animal shelter, Habitat for humanity) if he can’t find employment. </p>
<p>You, as a parent, are going to have a tough path. You may sense your son needs rest and care – but it may disrupt your household and your sanity if he stays up all night with the computer and sleeps all day. You may want him to help with household tasks – and he may want to bicker about them as a way to hang on to his independence. Finding a path through those mine fields may take some dazzling footwork on your part.</p>
<p>Just want to repeat what someone else said about being a non-matriculated student. CC’s are great, but our family members have used continuing education at the state university (cost is lower than privates, but privates also have continuing ed). Some of these classes are even online, and can be done easily by someone who is working.</p>
<p>I would suggest that he get right back in the academic saddle but in a very limited way: maybe sign up for one continuing ed or CC class, online or in person, and work hard in that. Then build from there.</p>
<p>Of course, if your son has no interest in college, working and waiting however many years it takes for interest to return, would be a good path. Some smart people really don’t want to go at all. Learning a trade, working with one’s hands, taking an entry level job and working up, or volunteering can all be helpful ways to go.</p>
<p>In a few years, the impact of this past semester will greatly lessen, both emotionally and in applications. The hope is that there will be plenty to say in that application essay about lessons learned and the results!</p>
<p>I tossed and turned all night, thinking about Son starting classes today. He can keep his merit aid if he does “significantly better” than last semester, but I question whether it will happen. I sort of agree with whoever made the comment about it being inane to give merit aid to students based on their SATs. Son was an “okay GPA, great SAT” kid. That doesn’t speak a lot to his ability to succeed in college, IMO (but I sure hope he can keep the merit aid!)</p>
<p>I recognize some of my friends from the '13 thread. Nice to hear everyone’s stories to know we are not alone.</p>
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<p>How terrible…going from the promise of graduation day to the grimness of appeal day. We drove down to the school last week to meet with folks to try to figure out ways for Son to turn his academics around. There is one guy whose only job is to deal with students on academic probation…and this is a tiny school. Lots of unhappy parents out there!</p>
<p>Good luck Missypie. All I can say is that several years ago my S1 saw a C and whole lotta Bs his freshman fall at a school that he was well qualified for and needed to have a 3.0 to keep his merit. (Finished freshman fall with a 2.9 cume yikes). He didn’t have superstar ACT/SATs but they were higher than his GPA might have pointed to and we had watched him dig himself out of a few holes in high school where he got behind and had to pull grades up so we knew he was capable of effort when necessary. We were nervous when he left. He sweated buckets about his grades after midterms we knew he was stressing and while we knew that he was fine in 4 classes we also knew he got a courtesy freshman warning about one class (I’m assuming the one he ultimately got a C in) but he didn’t really say anything to us until Christmas that freshman year. College is an eye opener. That fall he wrote his Intro to Sociology final paper about learning balance and perspective during freshman fall. He hit his stride after Christmas, never said anything to us but every semester since his grades have gotten better and better and now as a junior gets pretty much As and yes, kept his merit money at the end of freshman year. Hopefully your son learned alot in the fall about how to organize and manage himself and can start fresh this semester with new classes and a new outlook. People don’t tend to write about the success as much as the failures, hopefully your son will be one of the quiet successes. Tell him to dig deep. Tell him you love him. Tell him to take advantage of writing centers if his school has one, study groups and anything else that costs him only “time.” My son decided to turn every paper in to the writing center for review. It forced him to finish papers early because he need the extra day for the writing center. Tell him “this one” is on him and to think of it as his “job” and that you support him and know he is totally capable to be successful. My son says that the absolute key to success is to always go to class. As a parent seems a simple concept doesn’t it LOL but if you comb through most of the failure threads the kids didn’t go to class or skipped a ton of classes.</p>
<p>The reason kids skip class is because they stay up WAY TOO LATE in the dorms…sometimes partying and sometimes just “hanging out” and listening to music and engaging in socializing, gossiping, dorm drama relationship crap and all sorts of teenage stuff having nothing to do with academia. Dorms are toxic in my view. Kids who live at home often have higher grades than the dorm dwellers. Then comes all that nonsense about pledging sororities and fraternities. Its enough to make a parent want to patrol the hallways of the dorms and tell them “lights out. shut up and go to bed!” But of course we can’t and we won’t. </p>
<p>Lack of sleep and improper eating habits leads to RAMPANT sickness in the dorms. And yes, there are drugs and alcohol all over the place. </p>
<p>Then there are the sexaholics. Makes parents sick to the stomachs and heartsick. </p>
<p>Kids who WANT to go to class and do their work have to put up with rude insensitive and misbehaving roommates or people next door or down the hall. Its a nightmare. </p>
<p>Only the most mature, serious and determined kid can navigate the very rough waters of freshmen dorms, first semester in particular. Its the single biggest reason for flunking out.</p>
<p>I know at my kid’s school, the administration makes the phone calls/writes the warning letters to parents immediately after mid-terms and says, “you still have time to withdraw and get a partial refund for the semester. Its better to withdraw than to flunk out completely. Your child is failing and we don’t believe they will recover sufficiently to save their grades. Its better to come and get them.” And they do. Usually immediately following Thanksgiving (sometimes that weekend), there are somber parents taking boxes down the stairways to their cars with tearful students begging them to let them stay. Its a sobering reality to college life.</p>
<p>I wish someone would have written that letter to us. My daughter didn’t flunk out but her mental health did. I thank God for having “the sixth sense” and just bringing her home. My daughter now has the option of starting over some place else when she is ready, without the cloud of a bombed GPA hanging over her head.</p>
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<p>I would have greatly appreciated it if a prof had told Son, “the deadline to drop classes is tomorrow. You might want to consider dropping this one.” (He attends a tiny school that prides itself on faculty attention to students, so this isn’t an outlandish expectation.)</p>
<p>The school sends warning letters (to students only) at the three week mark. I guess that is to pick up the kids who aren’t showing up for class, etc. </p>
<p>We found out about Son’s dismal semester shortly after he came home for break, so I’ve had almost a month to process it. I don’t know if any parents of current HS students are reading this thread (probably not since everyone thinks it won’t happen to their kid) but I’d tell them to be careful if their child can accelerate due to AP credits. Son would have had a very different semester if he’d been in all “intro to” (101) classes. It would be great if academic advisors would take the time/have the time to think things through. Kid with Asperger’s who is worried about being able to succeed in college - why not advise the intro classes, even if they aren’t technically needed?</p>
<p>ghostbuster, when you state the school sent letters that is very surprising to me. My oldest had a horrible situation occur during his first semester and we weren’t notified due to the privacy laws (he is 18). In your situation was your child at the time 17? It was mind boggling that a situation that could be serious wouldn’t be cause for notificaton to parents. I have since learned a great deal about due process and students rights and parental rights. Though for different reasons my son will be in a community college starting this month, instead of returning to his 4 year. Fortunately the cc has a specific program he is interested in, and there are a limited number of 4 universities with this program (school he left didn’t have it, so he is using the switch to also switch into something he seems much more interested in). The cc does provide an internship at the end of their program, and he could decide to stop courses at that point or transfer for a 4 year program (guess it depends on the job market and what he finds out employers look for in this particular field).
I have been following this thread because of the similarities…and was interested to hear OP’s report of the appeal process, but didn’t feel compelled to write until I read your school sent letters home.
How nice…but wonder how often this occurs. Did anyone else hear from their student’s schools when troubles were occurring?</p>
<p>During the summer, Son signed a form authorizing the registrar to release grades to us. They didn’t send any grades home, and the “you’re in danger of losing your merit aid” letter that went home was addressed to Son. One lady at the school said that every single prof and person working with a student needs a release to really share any meaningful information.</p>
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<p>I posted earlier about S1 but still have S2 waiting on college acceptances. They are 2 completely different individuals. I worry about S2, who is very bright and talented, going away next year and bombing due to excessive partying or marathon video gaming. He is already 18 and will turn 19 midway through the first semester. I just hope there is a lot of pre-frontal lobe development - and maturity - that occurs in the next 8 months.</p>
<p>When my son got a warning note at midterms about one of his classes freshman fall he did tell us. I’m sure it was the class he ultimately got a C in that semester. I do not think it is “normal” practice at all to notify parents. My son’s school only does this freshman fall (mid-term progress report). His was specific to one class and only reflected satisfactory progress or at-risk (I believe that is the terminology that he used). He was very upfront and honest with us that he was struggling in one class but would be OK and he did pull that class out with a C. We didn’t make any sugggestions about what “we” thought he should do, but did ask him what “he” was going to do to pull that class up. At his college all freshman are required to meet with their advisors the week after midterms to review their progress in all classes (even if they are doing well).</p>
<p>I have found myself saying to many parents when in doubt of your childs readiness, keep them close to home. I just don’t think that going away is the right thing for every 17 or 18 year old. The difficulties my daughter had may take years to trully recover from and I believe now that some part of her will never really be the same.</p>
<p>12rmh18 gives me hope for S1. He is working and starts the cc classes today. S2 is a senior, who will be 17 when he starts college. I am hoping he has learned a bit from S1’s experience (who thought he could handle the situation on his own, didn’t reach out to us, and school didn’t notify us as stated earlier). </p>
<p>S2’s first choice is a great state school but is known for partying, and I do hope S2 makes mature decisions if he is accepted and attends that school. S1 and S2 are very different, but unfortunate events can and do happen regardless. </p>
<p>I would suggest that all parents read their kids’ perspective college handbooks to understand due process, academic suspensions as well as other suspensions, so that questions like OPs can be answered/understood. In addition set up a system or something to ensure that you truly know if there is a situation you should be aware of (student’s health etc). With only cell phones and emails it is hard to verify your kid is okay…no hall phones like when I was in school. No one to answer that non-existent hall phone to say, “hey we are glad you called…we’ve been worried about your kid”…or, “oh, wow we thought your child was home this weekend” etc.</p>
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<p>Lord, was I ever busted when I went out of town for the weekend with my new boyfriend! (edited to add: this was 1979)</p>
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<p>I’m in the same boat. I’m not very optimistic about S’s chances since he takes absolutely no responsibility for his 1.54 GPA. He blames his roommate for sexiling him so he fell asleep in the lobby and slept through morning classes, and fire drills in the middle of the night that made him sleep through morning classes. I think there were also many times he just plain stayed up too late and ignored the alarm in the morning. He failed two of his morning classes and got a D in the other one.</p>
<p>He also blames the professors for not teaching what he thinks should have been in the course, and testing them on the wrong things. Um, how about just learning what they’re teaching?</p>
<p>He’s repeating one of the classes, but had to get a registration override from the professor because the class was full. The professor’s response to S’s request only said, “Can you tell me why you failed the class?” S apologized for missing so many classes and gave the reasons (excuses) above. He also said he’d thought a major project was due a month later than the actual due date. The professor never responded to the email and didn’t give him the override, but somebody dropped the class so S got in anyway. It’s his first class this morning (10:00 this time instead of 9:00)–not an auspicious start to the semester. The Air Force is looking better all the time…</p>
<p>I don’t advocate the CC route for everyone, but it has worked out for S1. And his college diploma will be from a better school than his original college. In other words, by going the CC route, he “traded up” on his education and got into a better 4-yr college than he ever would have straight out of HS.</p>
<p>I hear you 3321, and I share your concerns. I too hope that your S2 - and mine - make mature decisions if they get into their first choice schools.</p>
<p>Stevensmama, there was a thread not too long ago about a roommate problem similar to your son’s, where he was losing sleep because of the roommate’s behavior [thread]815041[/thread].</p>
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<p>12rmh18, Thanks for your note. My d is at the CC and so far, so good. Your comments make me feel better about her choice to go there. It’s quite possible that we dodged the returning-home bullet in doing so, as she’s still acquiring organization skills. May increased maturation bless us all!</p>
<p>Did any of these kids say to their parents that they werent ready? My d will start college this fall and she tells me daily how much she cant wait to go–is that what your kids thought too? I would not recommend the military during a time of war-- imagine living with the guilt if something happened to your child. I,for one, would not recover. Unfortunately, the job idea may prove difficult considering the unemployment rate. Having worked minimum wage jobs thru high school was motivation enough to get a college education!! I decided to limit my d’s college search to 4 hours away or less. That way I can get there quickly if there is a problem. I wonder if a small college would require more expectation by the professors-- if your child doesnt show up for class, they would actually notice-- I went to a big SUNY school and lecture halls of many hundreds do not require attendance–many people flunk out that way–</p>