Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? Please grade!

<p>“Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that we supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.”</p>

<p>It was once said that “The only thing constant in life is change.” Indeed this maxim is true. Changes permeates most aspects of live, for better of for worse. Change (such as technological innovation) may make life easier, but change does not necessarily make life better. This can be demonstrated in both modern and ancient literature: in examples taken from the novel Flowers for Algernon and the epic poem The Odyssey.</p>

<p>In Flowers for Algernon, the protagonist Charlie Gordon is a mentally ■■■■■■■■ bakery worker who records his thoughts in the form of journal entries, which compose the novel itself. As part of an experiment in psychology, Charlie undergoes a operation which causes his IQ to steadily increase until it rivals those of the scientists who originally operated on Charlie. His newfound intelligence brings him an easier life - he is able to better comprehend his surroundings and communicate more effectively with those around him. However, he becomes aware of the insults that others had directed toward him as a mentally handicapped man. He loses his job at the bakery. Charlie’s relationship with his teacher Alice Kinnion virtually dissolves. Some might argue that “Ignorance is bliss,” and that the operation only served to harm Charlie.</p>

<p>Achilles, the mythical demigod of Homer’s The Odyssey, is also presented with a scenario that results in an easier, but not necessarily better life. Achilles, as the “iron fist” of the Achaean army, faces off with the Trojans’ best soldier, Hector. After a cowardly struggle, Hector succumbs to the mighty blows of Achilles’ sword. Rather than release Hector’s body to his family for burial, Achilles chooses to deface Hector’s body, tying it to his chariot and dragging it about the Trojan plains. Did Achilles’ life become noticeably easier as a result of the demise of a great foe? Indeed, it did. No other man in the Trojan army is a match for Achilles (though the rather feminine Paris, brother of Hector, ultimately slays Achilles). However Achilles life is not better as the result of Hector’s death. He becomes depicted as a violent, bloodthirsty, ruthless man. The gods begin to view him as a bad person. In that sense, Achilles’ life became easier as the result of Hector’s death, but not better.</p>

<p>The examples of Flowers for Algernon and The Odyssey illustrate the fact that change may usher in easier, but not necessarily better lives. Living in a modern society in which technology advances at an astonishing rate, the question must be raised "Is this invention made for the betterment of our lives? Does it make life easier, but does it negatively affect our lives (does it make us lazier, more reliant on machine than our own skills)?</p>

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<p>Thanks for reading this over. Specifically I’d like to know</p>

<li>Am I going overboard with plot details?</li>
<li>Should I only use “classical literature” (e.g. Shakespeare, Dickens, Homer, etc.)?</li>
<li>Essay score, on a scale of 2-12</li>
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<p>Skimming it I’d say a 10-11 maybe – but I’m no essay grader, every time I take it I get an 8. lol I can’t figure it out.</p>

<p>I just skimmed through your essay. Here is my $.02:

  • the second paragraph has no topic sentence, and a concluding sentence either. Yet your third paragraph is very very well-written I suppose.
  • Is the word “■■■■■■■■” OK at all? I think it is informal.
  • You only use two examples, and both are literary. So do you think your reasoning is convincing enough? (Definitely I’m not taking into account the length of your essay). I’d suggest you should add a historical example to make your viewpoint more comprehensive.
    I’d give you a 9 if I were grader
    PS: I’m just an amateur at evaluating essays, so don’t take in every of my words :"></p>

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<p>Are you talking about the paragraph that begins by saying “The only thing constant in life is change?” I’m not sure if you mistook the prompt (“Technology…”) for my first paragraph.</p>

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[quote- Is the word “■■■■■■■■” OK at all? I think it is informal.
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<p>The word has a negative connotation because so many people misuse it. I consider the phrase “mentally ■■■■■■■■” perfectly acceptable, but some people might not consider it politically correct. Maybe “handicapped” would’ve been better than “■■■■■■■■.”</p>

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<p>Yeah I was trying to think of an example from history to support the quote, but it was taking up too much time. I figured I’d be OK since literary examples are supposedly the best kind.</p>

<p>Thanks geester and nguyen for the input. Anyone else?</p>

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No no, I’m talking about the second paragraph of the essay, the one elaborating on your first example “Flowers for Algernon”
Of course, reading your coherent reasoning, I understand the gist you are trying to convey. But I think in the SAT, you’d better off writing an OBVIOUS topic and concluding sentence. They’d take you little time while do wonders, given that each SAT grader only spends roughly ONE minute going over your essay and that he/she only considers SAT essay to be the FIRST DRAFT.</p>

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<p>The word has a negative connotation because so many people misuse it. I consider the phrase “mentally ■■■■■■■■” perfectly acceptable, but some people might not consider it politically correct. Maybe “handicapped” would’ve been better than “■■■■■■■■.”

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<p>I still keep my opinion :smiley:
Well I’ve just looked up “■■■■■■■■” in Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary. It is noted that “■■■■■■■■” means less developed mentally than is normal for a particular age. But it is also specified that this is a very old-fashioned and offensive word. So, I think using “■■■■■■■■” in standard written English is not competent enough, however acceptable it may be. Instead, you might want to consider the synonyms of this word, “backward”, for example.</p>

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<p>In fact, it doesn’t take you that much time though. You might draw an example from “World War II” or “American Revolution”, among other notable historical events, using a technique of “forcing”. I mean, after an idea of a historic movement (preferably one that you’re most comfortable with) comes to your mind, you try your best (even MAKE UP some events if necessary) to assimilate it to the topic assigned. This may sometimes sound forced but is completely OK, since graders know quite that pressure in taking the SAT is really really great, isn’t it?

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<p>I second that. However, if you use only two examples in your essay, and well, these BOTH come from literature, readers may think that you don’t have a comprehensive stance. </p>

<p>Just my another $.02 :D</p>

<p>To be harsh, which is the only way to be when you’re trying to improve, I’d give this a 4 out of 6. The main problems are with the intro and conclusion - they’re a little thin and they don’t do their job in developing your point.</p>

<p>The intro needs to do exactly that - introduce the ideas behind the examples you’re going to present. The first example is about the general idea that increased knowledge and awareness can bring about pain. However, you don’t give any indication of that - you introduce the example in name only - “Flowers for Algernon”. Instead you need to introduce the reader to the idea you’re about to prove, not just the name of the book.</p>

<p>The conclusion is just as bad as the intro, in fact it’s hardly any different. What makes a good essay is a development of a point from start to finish. I like to use the analogy of a seed: the seed is the main idea you present in the intro. Throughout the essay, you water this seed, you feed it with examples and by the end, hopefully the seed has sprouted and blossomed into a full plant. By the end of the essay, we should have some deeper insight into why your main idea is true.</p>

<p>In summary, your intro doesn’t introduce and your conclusion doesn’t conclude.</p>

<p>PS as a general thing don’t end your essays with a question. That is totally not conclusive.</p>

<p>^ Thanks for being honest.</p>

<p>I figured at least the body paragraphs of the essay were OK. This is only the second SAT essay I’ve ever written, so my writing still needs work.</p>

<p>Actually, on the real test this would probably get a 12. An MIT professor did an informal study and found that 90% of SAT Writing essays over 400 words in length received a 12 (yours had 530 words). Also, essays that use examples from literature (like yours), history, or current events instead of personal experiences tend to get higher scores.</p>

<p>I noticed some grammar errors, and it’s not perfect, but this would still probably get a 12 if you actually managed to write ALL of this in 25 minutes. Remember, the graders are only spending about 2 minutes reading & grading each essay.</p>