Do elite colleges view students with mental health issues as dead weight?

Parents Forum
21

There are many many students on elite (and other) campuses with anxiety, depression and other issues. I have read that 50% of Harvard students visit mental health services at one time or another. My daughter had roommates with serious anxiety and they received amazing supports. Not just counseling but also accommodations for academic work such as extensions, postponements, excused absences, reduced course loads and so on. Your son should visit a professional who can document the problem and then register with the office of disabilities for accommodations.

Right now, this is obviously overwhelming to him. You can go to him and help him make an appointment at the college’s mental health services. You can also arrange a private appointment if he prefers, and do the research yourself about health insurance. if he is anxious, it may go better if you just present him with a name and even an appointment (if it works with his schedule).

You can also help with the Office of Disabilties if he is staying.

It makes no sense to continue to go with him of course. He cannot get better without his own commitment to the process. Medications can help, but he cannot be a passive participant in treatment.

If he is truly not going to class and his grades are awful, you should definitely convince him to come home, or even insist on it. Believe me, the issues on the transcript will haunt him for decades. He will have to explain the grades to any other school he applies to at a later date.

In this situation, with a kid who is not doing well at all personally or academically but is refusing to seek help, I would absolutely seek a medical withdrawal and have the semester grades wiped clean. This is done all the time but it often requires professional validation of the diagnosis.

This may be a relief to him.

Many of us have kids with a variety of issues, medical and psychiatric or emotional, who have had to come home and regroup. Believe me when i say the ultimate result can be very positive and even better than the original plan. It requires patience and an ability to go with what I call the zigs and zags for awhile. But as they say, “every disaster is an opportunity.”

I think it is very appropriate to rescue your son, ask for a medical withdrawal with the semester wiped off the record, get him treatment, and keep an open mind about his options. If you can convey a positive attitude about the situation and about the future it can be very helpful. Hard to do but possible. Good luck!

22

I don’t think they view these students as “dead weight” but as a pragmatic matter- unless the student poses a threat to himself or others, do you think the docs can just swoop into his dorm room, drag him out of bed, and get him into in-patient treatment?

Legally no. They can’t. All they can do is to provide appropriate support (counseling, meds if appropriate, referrals outside their network if needed, etc.). Which if your son is unwilling to tap- means they can’t do anything.

I echo the suggestion of an in-person visit. If it can’t be a parent, then an uncle, aunt, trusted adult? I’m not sure there is value in keeping him in an environment which has him paralyzed and unable to get help or advocate for his own needs.

23

And if he’s not going to classes or doing the work, then it’s best to get the (medical) withdrawal until he’s able to function. As someone up-thread mentioned his academic history goes along with him even after this specific college/uni so salvaging that (for him) as well as getting him the help he needs should be the objective.

24

"I don’t think they view these students as “dead weight” but as a pragmatic matter- unless the student poses a threat to himself or others, do you think the docs can just swoop into his dorm room, drag him out of bed, and get him into in-patient treatment?

Legally no. They can’t. All they can do is to provide appropriate support (counseling, meds if appropriate, referrals outside their network if needed, etc.). Which if your son is unwilling to tap- means they can’t do anything."

This is spot-on.

25

Don’t expect much at all from campus health. That’s not an indictment, just a realistic assessment of what they can and cannot do. Think of it this way. If you sent your child off to school with any other medical condition that required the care of a specialist, you wouldn’t think for a minute that campus health would be equipped to handle his or her care. Why do we think they can handle psychiatric care? They can’t. If your son is suffering something pretty substantial, you want to get him to a specialist. If you go down there, don’t go with the goal of getting your son to campus health. Get him somewhere equipped to handle his needs long term. Substantial anxiety is treatable, but not always easily treatable. You want somebody well versed in psychiatric illnesses handling the situation.

Does the college see him as dead weight? Anxiety is not uncommon. Suggest transferring to all the kids who suffer from it at one time or another, whether or not it rises to the level of a disease, and colleges might cut pretty substantially into the freshman class. However, the institution is concerned about his progress and his ability to be successful. And if he won’t go to class or do what it takes to be a successful student, regardless of the cause, it’s personnel will make suggestions, including transferring, to put him in a position where he can succeed. As @blossom stated, they can’t force him to seek treatment, and if a situation occurred where they could, let’s just say those rarely work out well for the student (another reason to send a student OFF CAMPUS for mental health care–Hippa my eye, those counselors are college employees and there’s wiggle room in the phrase “danger to self or others”).

26

“To get the help he needs, will the school be on the same team, or will they be the opposition? The OP is trying to assess what tools are available- thus the question- will the school see him as dead weight and continue to be unhelpful, or will they pull together and help the OP get help to her son?”

How is the school being unhelpful? If they say “we have counselors here on staff, the hours are such and such” and the son refuses to go, what can and should they do? They can offer resources but a student has to come take them.

Would your son be open to seeing a therapist or counselor off campus instead of one associated with the school? Might that make it easier if he feels it’s not the school’s business?

27

Its a little hard to evaluate without hearing about his pre-college personality and grades and other experiences.

But…it probably doesn’t do him or the college much good to just muddle though at a minimum performance level. From an employability/graduate school perspective, he’s digging himself a hole that becomes deeper and deeper with every semester’s grades recorded.

It might be better if he took some time off to decide whether he wanted to be there, and if so, why. I think this is something that can easily paralyze young people, and its easy to dismiss it as something that everyone should be able to deal with. It isn’t always.

28

If he’s too ill to attend classes I think you need to see that he takes a medical withdrawal and comes up to get intensive therapy. College is not a race. Lots of people take time off for all kinds of reasons.

I agree that there’s a limit to what you can expect from campus health services. Making house calls certainly isn’t one of them.

29

OP hasn’t mentioned what’s causing the anxiety. And maybe she doesn’t know yet. But you need some idea in order feel through the options. I agree missing classes and not doing the work are major flags. And that a pro can help. But we don’t know much. This could be anything from a social situation that throws him off, the difficulty of his courses and/or the college, all the way to a major warning sign. We also don’t know how OP presented this to the person she spoke with.

We went thru this with D2.

30

Were these issues present in high school?
What year is he?
Winter does seem to be one of the more challenging terms just from a weather standpoint, which can exacerbate SAD. I expect this winter many students are showing symptoms, just because of the severity.

I partially disagree with OPs son. They could help him, but if he feels incapable of making a minimal effort, then he is correct, they are not going to meet him more than halfway.
I don’t know if he is on medication, but I want to suggest that while medication is not a cure, it can jump start treatment by helping the patient get to the place where therapy can start helping.
It sounds like he does feel pretty overwhelmed & a medical withdrawal should be considered.
Once he is ready to engage, a coach can help by giving him some external structure and a layer of feedback.

31

One of my nieces had to take a medical leave from an elite college, as what first was a relatively minor medical issue was not treated properly, and she ended up depressed about how far behind she had fallen, her situation spiralled. She didn’t want to take time off of class/studying/attempting to catch up in order to even see anyone about it. So my brother and his wife were in a perhaps similar situation to OP, they could tell there were issues but the student was not willing to get the help. Finally when my SIL called the dean, they got a hold of the RA in her dorm, who helped convince her to get the help she needed, take a medical leave, come home to recover, and the following semester start with a lighter course load.

Turns out, part of the problem was that she didn’t like many of the other students in her classes, and she switched majors. The school was terrific in helping her, they even continued most of her financial aid for the fifth year. She will graduate in May, and she has joined a group on campus helping underclassmen recognize, and get help for depression symptoms.

After talking with my niece over the holidays, she told me that given that other schools have had scary issues with student attacks (like Va Tech), many (not just elite) colleges are taking these issues very seriously and they do want to help. What was heartening to me is that there are lots of other students who want to help their classmates - despite everything our generation thinks about them, this generation of students is bringing new positive attitudes about acceptance and help.

I hope this helps OP. As another person said - hugs to you.

32

Were you the one who contacted the counselor? She could be saying that because she’s wary of your involvement from afar, and it is possible that you are reading too much into what your son is telling you. Maybe a visit would allow to assess the situation better and a frank discussion would give you the best understanding of what needs to be done

33

“I’m new to this but wouldn’t most every child with anxiety issues be extremely reluctant to walk into a clinic for help? If he was confident enough to walk into strange situations he wouldn’t have anxiety.”

No, not necessarily. Plenty of people with anxiety fear situation X but not situation Y. It would not be unusual for someone to avoid class but willingly visit a counselor.

A school can’t make someone accept treatment, and no good can come of attempts to do so.

34

Agree with Hanna. And if the student can’t or won’t accept help, unless they are acutely dangerous to themselves or others, there is little the school can do.

35

It sounds like your son needs to come home, or contract with you to attend therapy sessions. The school counseling office may not be qualified to help with conditions as severe as his; they are more geared to adjustment issues and crises management (keeping someone stable until long term therapy can be arranged off campus, and support groups.

If YOU can’t get him to cooperate, and you are his mother, how can strangers at school help? Perhaps he needs to live at home and commute to a school if that is at all possible.

36

@ItsJustSchool I’m thinking in the very long run, as in lifespan. Short-term, school requirements, support services, professional health care, and the like can play a role in the course these student takes at this point.

37

Mom, you’ve done all you can. Now it’s up to your son. Let him be a man and find his own way. I’m sure he know that you can always be counted on to help if need be.

38

@SamRam “be a man and find his own way”? Mental illness doesn’t work like that.
Unfortunately, colleges do tend to view mental health problems as something of a liability - more so for those that endanger the student physically. I would suggest asking if he would be willing to go to an appointment that you set up with someone outside the school. As someone mentioned upthread, anxiety makes it extremely difficult to take that first step towards receiving treatment, and calling and making an appointment for him (with his permission) would help remove at least one obstacle in his path.

Also, I know that people have varying opinions about medications, but it might be a good idea for him to see a psychiatrist, who will likely prescribe some variety of short-acting anxiety medication. Therapy is great, but it takes a while to really work, and medication would likely help him stabilize and help him be more functional in the short-term

Also re: “If YOU can’t get him to cooperate, and you are his mother, how can strangers at school help?” - I was much more willing to seek help from a stranger than from my family or friends. A stranger is a neutral outsider, while your son might want to “maintain appearances” with you, so to speak

39

Here’s what we know. The son could function well enough to get into college. The son is functioning in college. How well? We don’t no, subpar could be anywhere from an b- f. He’s done enough hard work to earn the right to find his own way, which might or might not include employing mental health services. Let him chose, it’s his right as an adult.

40

I think colleges think:

This person is an adult. It is up to you to attend classes and do the work. We provide services to help you, but as an adult, you have to take advantage. If you say “Counseling won’t help” we won’t make you go.

Has your son talked to a psychiatrist? Is he on medication? My DD take medication for anxiety and it made a world of difference. She went from loving to sing but unwilling to sing in choir in front of the school to voluntarily asking to sing over the intercom to the entire student body.

Your son has gone from an enviroment where he is familiar with the town he lives in and the school and the students and support from his family to being totally on his own. What worked for him in HS may not be enough for college.