My mom is concerned because I don’t enjoy college. She hasn’t directly compared me to my sister, but it may contribute to her concerns that my sister is enjoying college while I’m not. Anyway, she regularly advises me to not reapply for my job, or any job, next year and to “enjoy my life” instead, whatever that means. She is not offering to pay additional money for my education; she just wants me to take out more loans for grad school in order to “enjoy my life.”
It isn’t a command or threat, just a persistent suggestion, and it sounds so bizarre every time I hear her say it, so I was just wondering if this is a common piece of parental advice, or if any of you have advised your children like this, or know anyone who has.
Luckily it’s your life so you can live it as you wish. She doesn’t even need to know that you’re working.
Parents sometimes have odd ideas. Hard to say what is driving your mother to say these things. DH and I used to wish that our kids would cut loose a bit in high school but they never did. But we kept that between the two of us and didint mention that to our kids.
Wait, so you’re working now, as an undergrad, in order to have money for grad school? Did I understand you correctly?
And is your job contributing to your lack of enjoyment, or something else?
Your mom may feel that by working you’re losing out on some of the “fun” stuff in college. I agree that it wouldn’t be smart to quit your job if that means you’d be taking on more debt.
But it’s a different story if you’re working now to save money for grad school in the future. There are other options, ones that would also allow you to enjoy your undergrad experience a bit more.
I did suggest to my daughter that she not work while in school because she is very busy with her sport (for which she has a scholarship, so to me that is her ‘job’). I also told her not to worry about applying for post grad jobs or taking the FE exam (for engineering) during this last semester because she is so busy. I didn’t do it so she could enjoy life more but because I didn’t want her to stress so much and because i wanted her to ‘finish strong.’ I don’t think she enjoys college very much, but that’s just her personality.
She was asked to work on research by a professor and it hasn’t been an issue at all. She’s really enjoyed the work and it will look good on her resume. I think this job is different than if she was working at McD’s for 10 hours a week.
Your mother might be concerned about your stress level. If you like working and it doen’t affect your grades, stick with the job. I think for most students having the structure of the job actually helps with organizing school. You know you will have to work x hours, so you plan the rest of your time around classes and the job.
My other daughter enjoys college too much! I had to INSIST she get a job this semester. She enjoys life whether she is in school, working, or just sitting around. It’s just her personality.
@katliamom It’s a work-study job. I use some of the money as spending money but save most of it. Ideally it will go toward grad school, but that’s only if I graduate early. Otherwise, it’ll go toward my last couple quarters of undergrad. My best option for grad school, unless I change my mind about careers, seems to be a graduate assistantship program that would cover most, but not all, of tuition, and none of living expenses. I haven’t found cheaper options, besides PhD programs, and I don’t want that. If there are other options, I’d love to know about them, but all my mom does is encourage me to take on more loans, and that really stresses me out.
Also, my mom thinks my job is contributing to my lack of enjoyment. I don’t think I’d be too much happier without it. Would probably sleep more, but I already get about 8 hours of sleep each night.
One of my DD15 works a work-study job and when she has been stressed about the amount of school work she has to do, I have suggested that she stop working or ask for limited scheduling. However, I have also offered to supplement her spending money if needed.
I most definitely think that it’s okay for you to tell your mom (respectfully) that you’re at a stage where you feel you can make your own decisions about this type thing.
You sound like a very sensible person. No, most parents don’t encourage their children to take on debt… although some debt (a mortgage for example) can be worth it. And, yes, many non-Phd graduate programs can be costly. You’re smart to be keeping that in mind as you plan your future.
If your job isn’t contributing to your dissatisfaction with college, then there is no reason to quit your job. Just accept your mom’s suggestion as a bit of a lame effort to make you “happier.”
Depends on the kid. Are you (or do you come off as) stressed out and overburdened? Then, sure, as your parent I’d suggest you cut back and smell the roses.
My parents actually do say this to me all the time. I have work study and work full time in the summer when not in school and they always tell me to go enjoy my life because after college I’ll never stop working. Like I understand that they want me to have fun and enjoy college, but I can only afford (and by afford I mean take out loans and barely get by while racking up debt) my college if I work, if I didn’t work I would have to drop tutor transfer.
It sounds like she’s throwing college money around to control you. What you do is - not worry about what your mom says or does and make your own decision. If you want to drop out and get a job, then you can do that because you’re an adult. If you want to finish your school, then do that and take out loans. If she gets angry over that, then you know she’s controlling you.
Parents worry, it’s what we do. We don’t know the answers. Sometimes we aren’t the best judges of the adults our children have become and find ourselves talking to the children they used to be.
Your mother worries and loves you and she might be wrong. Let her know that you are doing what you love and it makes you happy to think that you are setting yourself up for a better future. And let her know that you love her too. She won’t stop worrying, it’s what we do. But maybe she will understand a little more.
Last summer, my college student had a part time job and was studying for the LSAT. He was offered a second part time job and asked me if he should take it. I advised him not to. I compared the money he would earn (about $1K) to the advantage to getting even one additional point on the LSAT. My advice worked well for him.
You have to learn to balance the demands of school, the need for money, your future employability and your mental health. Is your job impacting your ability to get good grades or your mental health? If so, maybe quit your job. Is your job a stepping stone to a good job post graduation and/or does it help your mental health. If so, keep your job.
@ordinarylives yeah I’m stressed, but not more than I was in high school and middle school.
@coolguy40 she’s not throwing any money around. She said she won’t be paying any more or less of my tuition based on whether or not I have a job. Also, the options were, stay in school with job and no/few loans, or stay in school without job and more loans. No one is encouraging me to drop out.