<p>pdad, what prep schools do you actually have experience with?</p>
<p>I noticed Princess’Dad was listed in <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/667365-resource-list-current-bs-parents-students-6.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/667365-resource-list-current-bs-parents-students-6.html</a>. Mercersburg maybe?</p>
<p>Mercersburg d; Exeter nephews; SPS Friend’s S.</p>
<p>"Many reasons for not liking a PS including not believing academics 50K better. "</p>
<p>So your conclusion is that for many reasons you like your public school better than Exeter or SPS? Which is fine as is your true opinion, but did you have enough experience with Exeter/SPS as you did with Mercersburg to draw conclusions?</p>
<p>What do the parents of the Exeter and SPS kids think about the total experience? Happy or not, would they do it again?</p>
<p>There is no comparison between Exeter and a public high school for our family. My H and I are products of one of the best public school systems in New York State, and I feel that our years of being in the public system were mediocre at best and a colossal waste of time. In my S’s one year of PEA he has done more than my husband or I did in a combined total of 8 years in PHS. Before making the decision to take on the financial burden of BS for all of our children, I subbed in a PHS for a school year in order to make a more informed decision. I took me less than a day to come to the conclusion that this was not a path that was acceptable to us. In fairness, all parents have biases; and obviously our experience (we are very young parents, so it was not that long ago) colors how we shape our kids’ futures.<br>
The financial struggles are very real, and crushing. But to give in to the alternative provided by our local public seemed like putting their lives on hold until college (which they would be totally unprepared for - just like we were).
I can honestly say we have no regrets or second thoughts with the BS choice - ever.</p>
<p>Associate with kid at SPS from Chicago with terrible schools. Nephews from area in Boston also with bad PHS. No comparison. </p>
<p>NoDrama. Don’t misread me. I think an Exeter or SPS or Mercersburg education may be great. What I don’t believe is that they are always better than PHS.</p>
<p>Back to the beginning question. Is it better to go to an Andover and State School or PHS and a Harvard. I would believe the latter - but wife did first and we have great arguments. She had better “teachers” at State Univ; I had Linus Pauling and Paul Berg and Arthur Kornburg explain why they did what they did - “but read the textbook”</p>
<p>My point is that one does not need to go to an Exeter to get the “best education possible”, a good student can get that anywhere.</p>
<p>ps
Post copied from a medical post. May make point better than I of socioeconomic diversity:
ometimes, it’s refreshing to hang out with “real” people who have real problems instead of the former Ivy Leaguers from upper middle class neighborhoods that I’m used to. And, despite all the borderline suicidal threads whining about, gasp, a B- in a class, we have lived relatively cushy lives compared with 90% of the general population. It does take some luck and fortune to get to where we are. And, for the sake of our future careers as physicians, it’s useful to be able to identify with those who come from different backgrounds. One of the main sources of conflict b/w my gf and I is the fact we have had drastically different experiences and thus it’s hard sometimes for us to appreciate the perspective of the other.</p>
<p>Princess’Dad, I didn’t misread you. You agreed that “BS’s are significantly better than public schools in general” but you chose YOUR public school, which has great diversity and so forth, over a boarding school (part of my question was, over Mercersburg, or over Exter/SPS as well???) for “many reasons”. </p>
<p>Going to Andover without going to Harvard is not the same thing as going to Andover and then going to a state school; a more likely scenario for someone who’d otherwise make her way to Harvard assuming going to a public school really makes a difference would be going to Andover and then going to Cornel, JHU, NYU, Michigan, etc. That is a more realistic comparison.</p>
<p>I don’t think a student can get best education possible ANYWHERE. There may be Harvard admits anywhere but not the best education.</p>
<p>I think this debate does not lend itself to a one size fits all. It depends on the learning style, motivation, and direction of the child and the focus of the PHS. We are in a top of the state public school district, which in my view, creates monkey-thinking kids–good on tests (and college matriculation, if that’s the goal), but very poor on making life long learners and out of the box thinkers. Is it too much to ask to have it all?</p>
<p>erlanger,
I agree. But in reading the stress, attempted suicides, lack of time for social lifestyle, lack of interaction with wide variety of kids – are negatives for the Exeters. We did not choose Exeter because of the IVY push (kid accepted to Juliard and told to go to IVY to keep reputation up). I am not sure that the Harkness table makes up for that.</p>
<p>Would be nice to have best of all worlds - which we thought MBurg might be.</p>
<p>A well motivated student can get the best education anywhere, including the jungles of Africa – but that is not most students.</p>
<p>“A well motivated student can get the best education anywhere, including the jungles of Africa – but that is not most students.”</p>
<p>That might be true for the minute percentage of extraordinary kids that are virtually self-educating, but it’s not true for 99+% (the extreme limit of “most”). In fact, interpreted literally it puts all of the blame on the student if he/she fails to get “the best education anywhere.” I doubt anyone really believes that is correct.</p>
<p>Even a well-motivated student with normal to well above average skills can benefit from a stronger educational environment. The key as erlanger noted is to find one that matches up with the student’s needs (learning style, level, self-motivation vs. pushing the class along, etc.). That will never be the same place for every student and the marginal benefits of any school must be traded off against the cost.</p>
<p>Having said that and taking the discussion back to the original topic, I stand by my statement that for those kids that can benefit from an Andover (or Exeter, Milton, Groton, et al) education, it is a big mistake to turn down the opportunity because of the perception or reality that it will reduce their likelihood of getting into Harvard or Yale. Sure some cannot gain the extra benefits because they already attend one of the relatively small percentage of comparable schools (e.g. Thomas Jefferson and others such as Princess’Dad has described), others are not comfortable with BS or have incompatible learning styles, and still others just can’t afford it even with FA. But for the other high achievers with big dreams, they’ll come out ahead across their 8 year secondary/collegiate sequence - even if they have to “settle” for Princeton or Stanford.</p>
<p>Ok Padre
I agree totally with you:
“for the kid that can benefit from an Andover … it is a mistake to turn down … reduce their likelihood of getting into Harvard or Yale”. </p>
<p>But, for the same reason that one should not go to Harvard/Yale to get into Med School, etc. One should go to High School for the best (1) education and (2) learning experience that one can get. Then if you do well, any college will be easy to get into. Same for college prior to grad school and then life. I totally disagree with the “ticket punchers” that have their life planned out for them from grade school.</p>
<p>Maybe except for foreign service and CIA is exeter.Yale still the key?</p>
<p>And I thought Harvard was the “settle for” not getting into Stanford?</p>
<p>The inclusion of Stanford on the “settle for” list was purely for your benefit. Personally, I’d go to Stanford over Harvard too.</p>
<p>My daughter, on the other hand, turned down Stanford and Yale for MIT (no interest in Harvard), so everyone has their own perspective I guess. Perhaps if she hadn’t gotten sick and missed the Stanford Admitted Student Weekend - I’ve still got her non-refundable plane ticket - she might be planning a September departure to Palo Alto.</p>
<p>PrincessDad: Where do you read all this information about suicides and depression at Exeter? Son is entering in the fall and I have never seen this information. Are there published articles about this trend or was this one person’s anecdotal experience?</p>
<p>Here’s an anecdote: An Exeter and Harvard grad pm’d me and told me that his Exeter experience/education was far better than the one he received in Cambridge. He would definitely choose Exeter and no Harvard instead of Harvard and no Exeter.</p>
<p>Padre,
Except she sounds like an Engineer type. No wonder.</p>
<p>Pa-C
There have been comments on this board.</p>
<p>pa-c</p>
<p>The attempted suicides are sporadic at all schools, not just PS. I believe it was SPS (or Deerfield) that had a sleep specialist come in last year and they changed the schedule to 30 min later start in the day and allowed kids to go to infirmary to sleep during the day. During our interview at one school, out guide appeared to be on speed (pupil dilatation, salivating, sweating, talking fast, incoherent).</p>
<p>From another board from several weeks ago. </p>
<p>M #37
Father of the Boarder
Member</p>
<p>Two Perspectives
I know a family with two generations who attended the school. The older reflects fondly – but a few photographs and review of not-yet-thrown-away report cards do awaken otherwise forgotten bad memories. It was not eden in that person’s teens.</p>
<p>The child disliked the school in one respect: not enough freedom. Academically it was a great challenge and a great environment.</p>
<p>I have written many times to many people: this school is very unique. Neither a jail, nor a wizard fortress, it is still a forbidding environment. Especially to the young.</p>
<p>As 99% enter as the top 5% of their class, over 90% must succumb to accept that they are no longer the cream of the class. Not easy for egos previously satiated with constant acclaim and success. Made even more difficult when the bad grades or anything (not the star athlete anymore, not the star musician any more . . .) cannot be placated in the comforts of one’s own home or near the everpresent and complimentary parents. </p>
<p>Boarding schools are hard on most early teens’ psyches. That is why boarding school is not for everyone. Exeter is harder than most other boarding schools. That is why Exeter should be stricter in deciding who attends. And, to their credit, they are very thorough at the admissions – just to avoid an embarrassing admission where a young person could emotionally roller-coaster and potentially crater.</p>
<p>Having said that, if you are strong enough, mature enough and academic enough to enter a place like Exeter – hurray. It is an unbelievable academic institution. Many of its departments meet or surpass those found in liberal arts colleges – even those which CC has created hot keys for in the lists of colleges. It is A-1. </p>
<p>And, I am sure that if the person who started this thread printed out the message and put it in a time capsule, and opened the memorandum on the decade anniversary, he or she would discover that fonder memories will exist as many of today’s “bitter” lessons should prove to be important lessons which may be greatly appreciated in the future. </p>
<p>Just do not look at those report cards."</p>
<p>Pa-c, i can confirm the exact same thing but with SPS vs Harvard.</p>
<p>Pdad, do you think it would have made a difference to you if it was say 20k instead of 50? The upper middle class bears the brunt of the tuition as the truly wealthy don’t care and the poor get a full ride if they can get in.</p>
<p>catg, this is off topic, but I’ve been wondering what is the definition of “upper middle class”. is it defined by income level only? Does it have to do with geographic area or family size?</p>
<p>I definitely agree that it’s tough to be just over that full pay line- that’s where we are. Even little things (like extra free storage, sports equipment/dorm item swaps) that might help are only available to fa students so we don’t qualify.</p>