I will be graduating next semester. But I don’t want to walk across stage to recieve my diploma? Is it mandatory that you have to in order to receive your degree, or can they just mail it to you?
Reason why I am asking this is because after 4 years at my college, I have no connection to anybody here. I have no true friends. I have no one to talk to. I do everything by myself, whether it’s at the dining halls eating alone, or just walking to classes by myself. The only reason why I get texts is because of homeworks and tests. If it weren’t for the same classes that I share with others, my phone would be silent, like it is right now now that the semester is over. I have never hung out with anyone outside of class that doesn’t have to do anything with school. Yes you may call me a loser, and I will admit that I am one. Never went to any football games, never went to any social events, mostly because I commute to school. No one has ever invited me to anything. By the end of this, I realize that when I graduate, I will never see any of these people again, and that is fine with me. They have a better chance of seeing Jesus than seeing me again. I learned a long time ago that if you don’t make connections early, you won’t hear from people again. That is why I am completely fine with not walking across stage. Once I am done with my last semester, I will (hopefully) never step foot on campus again. It has been one of the biggest regrets of my life choosing this place for 4 years, and I have no intention of ever coming back. For all I care, the school can erase all their records about me and I wouldn’t give one single care. My parents might be upset, but these are my true feelings. I just can’t stand going up there and putting on fake smiles for the cameras and the people when I know deep inside me that this is not the way I feel.
Sorry for the long rant. Just had to get whatever I have been feeling all these years out onto some platform. If you can just answer the questions at the very beginning, that’s all that I need. Thank you.
@siliconvalleymom if they insist on watching me walk up that podium then I will do it just for them. But my feelings won’t change about what I have experienced these past 4 years just because I am done. If they let me choose, then I wouldn’t bother showing up. After all, who is going to care?
I am concerned about how you feel right now, regardless of what you choose to do about the graduation ceremony issue. The ceremony is just a few hours of your life. The bigger issue that you are unhappy with the isolation you are experiencing. What support is available to you on campus to make this better?
@siliconvalleymom No one that I have talked to has help. A few more months of trying to make things better cannot undo what has happened these past 4 years. I’m ready to get out of here, no matter who stands by my side. I already realize that this has been a huge failure, and I am ready to close this chapter of the book and move onto the next thing in life.
Have you decided what that next thing in your life is going to be? If not, you might enjoy stopping by the career center on campus and thinking about what is coming next.
I went to a commuter college, and weirdly for me, because I am super sociable, I never made a single friend in college. My social life revolved around work friends and people from my town. I walked at my graduation because I was proud of my achievement. It never occurred to me not to. No one came except my parents. If you are proud of what you have achieved, walk. There are other commuters at your school who don’t have friends there either. You aren’t a loser.
I was trying to think of how to say what @Lindagaf eloquently posted above.
If you decide to walk in graduation, it should be to honor your own achievement, honor your parents support, and to mark the transition into the next part of your life. Your smile doesn’t have to be fake if you look at graduation in this manner. It is not unusual for commuting students to miss out on social aspect of college and that does not make you a loser. Hopefully the education and degree you have worked hard to obtain over the last four years will allow you to move forward and have a happy and successful life.
There are two sides to this-the walking, and the feelings.
The walking-my husband is an introvert and would have much preferred not to walk for his undergrad degree (I pressured him). He did not walk for his masters and I (older and wiser) was totally fine with it. I am going to walk this spring when I get my bachelor’s (at age 47), because it’s one way that I will celebrate the achievement. I have no friends at the uni (except the professors, who are my age, lol), but I’m walking for me, not for anyone else :).
The feeling-I don’t know if pinning the choice to walk or not to walk on all the resentment you have is healthy. Years from now I can see you going “I refused to walk because I hated everyone and everything about that place”, and that just feeds the resentment.
Like you’ll be an 80 year old playing bridge with a bunch of other 80 year olds, and talking about how mad you were that you didn’t walk and how much college sucked. Don’t laugh-I hang out with old people occasionally and I see these old resentments and hurts regurgitated again and again, brought up and chewed on, then swallowed again until next time.
I think if you can re-frame it as the walk being for you, and only you, then you can decide if it’s something you want to do.
At my son’s state school, they do not walk up and get diplomas at the big ceremonies (there are two, a morning one and an afternoon one, because of space limitations). They have a separate small ceremony with just the department that is a little more intimate. Diplomas come in the mail later.
Do it for your parents if it is important to them, otherwise just skip it. Like you, I had no good feelings toward the institution but went anyway for my parents.
At my school, when I graduated, nobody walked. There was no choice - it just wasn’t done back then. Now, everybody walks. Check to see how your school does it.
You say you had no friends - did you make any effort to make friends? If you went to a community college, students are generally locals who already have a friend network and don’t often reach out. and once you get to the 4-year college, same thing - people already have friends and aren’t as ready to reach out.
Sorry you had no friends, but friendship - no matter what stage of life - is a two-way street. You have to reach out and be friendly, join some organizations to meet people with similar interests. Don’t put all the blame on the college.
I would also make sure you have a good conversation about this with someone that you trust. If your parents know that you don’t want to march they may say its okay with them even though they really would love to. I’m a parent and I would love to see my son graduate. I would say go just to encourage them and leave right after.
@bonehead180 I would not make the decision based on if you are friends with classmates, but if it would be meaningful to your family for them to see you graduate. For me, I have supported/Paid/driven/packed/unpacked for my children to attend college, and I want to see them graduate.
It’s all about your family. If they don’t care, don’t bother, but if they do care, try to do it at least for them.