We did our kids’ taxes when they were in college for the same reason. Both needed to also file non-resident as well as resident state returns. We usually did it with them during their spring break if they were here. Otherwise, we talked it through on the phone.
When DD was in the Peace Corps, we actually had a signed document giving us permission to file on her behalf. Which we did (I think all PC volunteers have this).
Focusing on the question of generational change (vs family dynamics) I can say that in my industry it’s uncommon for our younger employees not to share salary and bonus information with one another.
And while, admittedly, it makes me uncomfortable this behavior has contributed to changing some long standing pay equity issues in the industry. So my overall feeling is good for them.
I didn’t realize young people share salary info more with friends or coworkers. But per this article (a few years old), the majority (old and young) don’t share - Millennials Aren't Shy About Talking Salary -- but Is That a Good Thing? | The Motley Fool
I think you are both right – talking about money “remains relatively taboo,” and young people talk more openly about money that the previous generation. Talking about money and salary has always been a sensitive subject for some, which has led to many persons avoid discussing financial details, and many continue to do so. However, there are also many who talk about money in great detail. Certain groups are more likely to talk in detail than others including both younger persons and persons making less money, although there are many exceptions within these groups. I think social media has led to a pattern of general increased personal information sharing both online and in real interactions, and has contributed to younger persons being more likely to talk about money/salary. Sites like Glassdoor, Payscale, and similar also have contributed to breaking down the taboo.
I don’t discuss detailed financial information using specific numbers for salary, net worth, … with anyone – parents, women I’ve dated, friends, etc. All persons I am close to including my parents know I am doing well financially and not struggling,. I don’t think there would be much benefit to going into a lot of detail beyond that and listing specific numbers, but there are some potential negative consequences with some members of the groups above.
I’ve also known many people who are the opposite and are happy to discuss specific numbers about their salary and net worth with me. Different people are more/less open to discussing their financial details than others.
We shared superficial info when our kids were little. When son was in HS we shared more as he made his college list. Still not exact incomes and assets. More comments on which schools were affordable for us to cover. Which ones would require merit money to be possible.
He was admitted to his incredibly high priced private school choice.
Even with a small merit award it was way too pricey. It was hard to disappoint him. Ultimately he had several other options, eventually completed BS and Masters.
We knew sons starting salary 10 years ago since it was in public sector. He’s always had substantial side gigs. He’s married, owns a home, has a baby. Seems comfortable.
Occasionally, he will ask for advice on IRA choices or taxable accounts.
He pays a tax preparer. I had done his taxes through school with my copy of TurboTax.
I know my son’s income as I am his representative payee for his SSI income and I need to report his wage earnings from his job every month, so he emails me his pay check stub every payday.
I also know my daughter’s income because it is public record. I do not know my son in law’s income, though something was said last fall when we saw them so I sort of know a range. He has since gotten a promotion and I do not know if or what raise was involved with that.
All that is really important to me is that they work hard enough to have enough to be comfortable. My daughter and son in law have aced that. And, I think my son has proven he can make it work even if he is not exactly easily comfortable.
We have two college kids who also work, one working on campus and the other one as independent/self employed. Both are pretty open about all their finances. We didn’t tell them to be but my husband and I are pretty open with ours. It must be this generation because our generation is far different from theirs plus having grown from the Far East, our parents were more closed up with their limited finances. Our sandwich generation has seen both sides and see this advantageous in a way to guide our kids to be more financially responsible.
Side note: It seems that there are lots of mentions of many salaries being public information. Which also probably means that in saying that, people have taken the time to LOOK to see what their child’s income is.
At least when a “child” tells their salary or savings info to friends or family it’s their choice. (yes I understand that taking a public job comes with the understanding that salary is public info. But honestly I don’t know that I would even think of that when taking a job!)
I don’t see digging around for my kid’s info if it’s public information. But as I mentioned, in my locality every city/county employee and school system employee who makes over $55K has their name and salary published in the paper every year. When that happens, everyone flocks to getting a copy (hard or online) and pours over it to see who makes what. Small city, lots of gossip. So if my kid worked here in such a position, yeah I’d see it there each year.
You wouldn’t have to search it out specifically. My cousin is a teacher in the district where I live. I have never looked to find her salary (though in Ohio, you can find the salary/pay of every public school teacher) but I know the range of salaries in my district (it comes up at levy time and contract negotiation time).
And if my kid worked in a different school district, I would likely want to find out more info about where my kid worked. Its likely that search would reveal ranges of salaries for that district. Would be tough to avoid. So you wouldn’t know to the dollar but you would have a pretty good idea (based on range and time teaching).
I read your post about public knowledge of salaries and immediately thought of a conversation we had with our DS and his gf over the holidays. They’re both in consulting and can work demanding hours. His gf happened to mention she could see herself doing something different later in life like teaching.
As a former teacher this intrigued me. We talked about the lifestyle and the different work environment and responsibilities. All of the talk was with the understanding that the monetary compensation would be considerably less than their current career paths.
Then I thought it would be interesting to quantify the difference in terms of salary. I googled the salary schedule for teachers in our affluent Chicago suburb (the one they both attended). The starting salary didn’t faze them. But when I took the additional step and showed them the salary of a teacher with 10 years of employment and a master’s degree and it was still considerably less than their current salaries at 25, that got their attention.
Note, I didn’t do this to discourage the possible pursuit in the future…and said so. I liked teaching and loved the high school environment. However I’m a big proponent that knowledge is power.
I don’t care if you look or not it buy a paper and memorize all your neighbors public salaries (odd to me that this is a coveted thing !)
But it’s the point that many diss kids for sharing their own info - yet also many conveniently use “well it’s public info” to take the time to look up salaries of family, friends, neighbors.
Just making the point that at least when they tell their friends it’s if their own choice. And hopefully without a hint of boasting.
No…I did not look. But I could have.
Hijacking for a second to share a memory that makes me laugh: When I worked at a public university, those in my job knew more or less what we all made because it was a union job. But we couldn’t wait to see what our bosses made when the new report came out every year!
My salary sharing memory/lesson: When I worked at Thom McAn shoe store in high school, base salary was a little less than minimum wage. (There was small commission, 1.5% or 2% for kids shoes. If that did not push you over minimum, there was a supplement to get t there). One day my manager offered m 5cent/hour raise if I could sell a certain number of purses. I was excited, mentioned it to another salesperson hoping she’d maybe steer purse customers my way. She threw an unexpected and ugly temper tantrum. She was younger than me but doing a lot of manager-helper tasks like salary bookwork … and she was outraged that I’d make same as her.
I know what both of my kids make because a) they have always asked me for advice on business and employment; and b) ShawD has asked for my advice on negotiating her compensation (I regularly help people with career choices and compensation negotiations, so this isn’t unusual). I even know more or less what future DIL makes as ShawSon asked me for advice on her negotiations. ShawSon has to negotiate with his board but lets his co-founder negotiate for the two of them as the co-founder is more concerned with current. comp and they have an agreement to always have equal comp. So, I do know what he makes but he doesn’t need my advice (other people come to him for advice).
I don’t believe I have told my kids what I make – but I never exactly know as co-owner of the firm, my comp is highly dependent upon firm revenue including success fees (which are highly variable). I think I have described our current financial situation.
I don’t think I ever discussed my income with my F or my FIL. But, there wouldn’t really have been a reason to do so as they couldn’t have advised me as I was not moving in worlds that they knew.
I knew what my kid in the Navy made when he joined and I could easily look up what he’s making now, but I haven’t. His wife is a grad student and I know pretty much the range for her as well.
My older son I knew his salary and bonuses for years because he hadn’t bothered to do whatever it took so that his high school checking account was no longer visible to us. At some point (maybe when we were going to Hong Kong?) we suggested that he decouple himself from us and he did.
Growing up my father was in the Foreign Service, I remember hearing about his salary when he retired, not sure if I did before then. I remember eating from the freezer contents at the end of the month fairly frequently when I was in middle school. I think they had a lot of expenses.
It came as a total shock to me when they decided to let us in on their net worth when our children were youngish. My Dad read a book called “Die Broke” and said the message was that you should give your children your money (if you can) while they are young enough to enjoy it. They covered the college expenses for the kids, gave us infusions of cash as allowed by not reporting gift taxes and took us on some great vacations while they were young enough to enjoy them too.
We are in the midst of doing estate planning right now and will probably use the opportunity to do something similar with our kids. We’ve talked about our salaries with them, but also our expenditures. They were pretty taken aback on how much goes to local real estate taxes.
Our son’s base salary is public info (and he gave us the website to look it up though he told us what is was), but his developer pay isn’t and that amount almost matches his base income, so he is making almost twice his published rank salary. He had to earn that extra through certifications and has happily shared the news of each increase with us. Someone “searching” for his salary would not know what he actually makes. Oh, and he also gets BAH (basic allowance for housing), so his total compensation package is not even close to the line item for his rank on the public chart.
Based on responses here it seems that many families are very transparent about finances. Our kids share financial situation with each other and with us. They don’t know our net worth but it only because they never asked. We know their net worth and congratulate them with every milestone. I also do taxes for DD and advise her on financial strategies
My DH is self-employed and has no particular annual salary. It’s different every year, some years vastly different than others, so our kids would say they have no idea what DH makes per year if asked. Our kids have only a general idea of our net worth. Neither one has ever asked us.
We know what our kids make because they both asked for DH’s advice while negotiating their salaries and informed him of how it worked out. We have no idea what our SIL or our future SIL make.
I was raised by parents who never told me how much they made. I was raised to never ask someone else how much money they made, so I don’t believe I ever have. I now know all of my Dad’s financials because I became his POA after his stroke and handle all of his money