I think it is very easy to post one’s opinion without disparaging the opinions or actions of another. Although this thread suggests otherwise.
I don’t think it is the other teenagers who will be upset on Facebook. They are not generally looking at the posts of us middle aged people. The snowflakes are the other parents.
@northwesty That is fine by me. The success of your children does not take away from mine. See you in the spring!
I posted when my kids made their final decisions - both in the fall of senior year. The only other acceptance I mentioned was my alma mater because several of my friends went there and were “rooting” for at least one of them to go there.
Many people post all sorts of things on social media: sickness, inspiration, childbirth, graduation, travel, new job, lost job, … College admission is no exception.
I don’t post college admission on FB, but I don’t mind/care if other people do. Their kids, their accounts.
@734mum - how are you mulling an ED acceptance with any other opportunity?
The amazing differences on this site are the perspectives that obviously differ dramatically based on region, HS size, HS type, and hundreds of other things.
I’ve considered the possibility that posting acceptances could possibly not be passive/aggressive and/or bragging, and I honestly can’t get there. That doesn’t mean that others who share do so for bad reasons…I just don’t have such reasons personally.
If you don’t post all decisions, then sharing isn’t sharing…it’s giving people only the insights that leave the poster and/or their parents feeling good about themselves.
ED is fantastic for those who end their college search early, but adds pressure to everyone who doesn’t already have a lock on their destination by mid-December. Both of our children were accepted ED 1, but refrained from posting anything until April, when their friends and classmates were also being accepted elsewhere. Kindness isn’t weakness, and using terms like snowflake feels to me like an excuse to feel better about oneself doing something for selfish reasons.
It seems to me that the right answer is to be courteous and thoughtful, and the actions you take will depend on your particular situation.
In the elite private schools I know best, it’s generally viewed as vulgar and inconsiderate for a kid or their parents to post a college acceptance on social media, particularly an early one to an elite school. The few who do it generally don’t know better (e.g., it’s their oldest kid and they haven’t learned the rules of the game yet).
Of course, what happened to everyone gets around, and sometimes, if the news is good, friends will make congratulatory posts, to which one can respond graciously. At the end of the year, there might be a class picture with t-shirts. It’s OK to post a picture from college drop-off in the fall. That’s about it, though.
This may sound excessive or strange to some, but I can assure you that the purpose isn’t to protect special snowflakes from getting their fee-fees hurt; it’s about being considerate and promoting social cohesion through shared norms of courtesy and discretion.
Why are these the norms? Because it’s a small class, most of the kids and parents have known each other since the kids were very young and they’re all in each other’s social media friend/follower groups, many of the kids are applying to the same schools and the college process is intense and competitive. 80% of the class is applying early somewhere (usually to one of about 15 schools, so there’s lots of overlap); fewer than half of them will be admitted (and many of those have connections). Everyone else is sweating it out until the spring, and many ultimately will be disappointed.
In that context, a triumphant post about Junior’s early admit to one of HYPS (particularly if Senior graduated from there) will get lots of polite “likes”, but also give rise to eye-rolls and snarky comments in private. And while I don’t endorse the snark, I also don’t agree with the view some might have that the person who makes that post is teaching the unfortunate kids who were denied admission valuable life lessons about failure - I think they’re spiking the football.
Now, I can understand that if you’re in a high school where you’re the only kid even applying to Yale, because no one ever does, and you get in, and everyone views you as a role model and is cheering for you, it’s a very different story that could merit another sort of response. Equally, I’m sure there are other circumstances where it’s understood that posting college acceptances is expected. But I think everyone should consider their situation and audience carefully before posting.
Everyone seems to have different thoughts on whether to post or not to post. My kid doesn’t have a social media presence at all so all information sent out so far has been by group texts to each side of the family separately. I have noticed an etiquette amongst my child’s friends that they do not talk in any specifics about the college process (comments like I got into 3 schools or I am finishing up my last few applications). As juniors, they were very specific but I think everyone is walking on eggshells so that no one in their peer group is hurt.
My kid is a junior in HS and this is my first and only time through the process. I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread for sharing your opinions and experiences. It seems I’ll be facing all sorts of emotional hurdles and social pitfalls ahead and I appreciate the guideposts you’re leaving for me.
As a student, I would not want my parents posting my acceptances on social media. It would seem too much like bragging if I was accepted into a top school. And personally, I would feel a little pressured if I was only accepted into a lower ranked school. Many people (including my dad, I think) do not know that things other than test scores are important and have the false expectation that good test scores could get you into any top university.
There’s a parent on another thread second guessing their child’s application choices, made with the parents’ blessing, because family and acquaintances are giving them grief. I guess that’s the risk you take when you publicly announce their acceptance list.
I think this sums up the issues exactly. I can see why some high schools students may lack the social/emotional sophistication to understand them but for adults to dismiss them seems really obtuse. I’m certain these parents who post every acceptance their child receives would never consider posting all the rejections as well.
each post of acceptance gives another data entry so i love to see them all, especially those that also boast how hard their child worked for those x gpa, x scores, and which ec…
Moderation and modesty are truly beautiful things… All the bullhorns out there are causing exhaustion and anxiety. At this point Facebook and other platforms cause more harm than good.
Some of us are dismissing them because college acceptances are not life and death to us. I posted a picture of three prom dresses my kid was choosing between. I posted the logos of four colleges. I probably had the same caption about my indecisive kid and her wildly different choices and put as much thought in to whether or not to post.
There are plenty of sites for that, and what you’re getting isn’t data, it’s propaganda. The GPA’s are .2 higher…test scores are 100 points above reality…nothing is ever as it appears. Naviance is the only way to get local, school specific data, and even that has several flaws.
Amen to @EyeVeee and @DeepBlue86
And that’s despite being interested in local data points about who looked at or got in where (or didn’t), but I’d rather do it in a private conversation where I can understand the context of the search, because each kid and family situation is so different.
I do not post anything to my social media about my teens’ personal lives without their permission. They are old enough to decide for themselves what information they are comfortable sharing. S19 isn’t on social media by choice. S21 is on social media, but not where the olds hang out (i.e. Facebook). And I respect that. So I will ask them if I can share “the news” once the final decision is made. If they agree, I will make a play for a sweatshirt photo to go along with my post. 
As far as what others share via their social media accounts, that’s their business. If someone wants to share their kids’ every acceptance/final decision/move-in day, great. I will delight in the info and feel happy for the kid.
“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!” 
I think we mostly agree that there is a difference between acceptances and a kid deciding which school s/he will attend, but it seems that some people still have a problem with that.
Since my D18 was an NLI-signer, it was public knowledge both within her HS and on the athletic site of the college she’ll be attending back in November…so I think there’s a difference in our case (but could just be rationalizing to make myself feel better). FWIW, pretty much all the recruited kids in her sport make it public as soon as they sign their NLI or get their official EA/ED letter. Nobody seems to resent them (or their parents) for it. Everyone is happy for everyone else.
@ChangeTheGame wrote: “I have noticed an etiquette amongst my child’s friends that they do not talk in any specifics about the college process (comments like I got into 3 schools or I am finishing up my last few applications).” IRL, this is pretty much how my wife and I approached things (when other parents in and out of her sport asked), and how we advised our daughter to approach things among her peers (and other parents).
I’m a senior this year and I post my acceptances on Facebook, because none of my friends are really on that site anymore (at least where I live, most high school students use other forms of social media, facebook is for adults) but I do have extended family that uses it whom I’m very close to. I know that ultimately my college decision is my decision, but I value their input and feedback on deciding where to go.
I’ll probably post my final decision on facebook, snapchat, and twitter so that everyone can see it.