I can’t imagine a world in which my kids would be anything but furious with me if I were to post their GPAs and SAT scores on social media.
Naviance is not the answer for a lot of us. Our school has only been collecting data for 2 years so the information is limited. If your kid is applying to unpopular schools it’s completely useless. My son has at least 3 schools on his list that have nothing on Naviance at our high school. Most people seem to stick to the Boston to Washington corridor. We are going beyond that so data is very limited.
It seems to really depend on your community. I live in a very diverse town—we don’t have 80% applying to the same 15 schools. For the class that just graduated, 70% went to 4 year schools, 20% to 2 year schools (likely CC which is the next town over), 10% to military, jobs, or technical schools. Maybe the top 10-15% are applying to top 20 schools. For those 30-40 kids maybe it’s that competitive but for the large majority it’s not. I suppose I could be blind to it, or not in those circles, but I just don’t see the hypercompetitiveness in our community.
That said—I have a friend that home schools. They are posting every single acceptance as it comes in. The first one or two were interesting. Now it’s just a bit annoying but it’s their page so I just scroll past. I thing she is just trying to validate her decision not to send them to school.
@VickiSoCal , you make a good point. I find myself somewhat surprised at the vehemence some hold for those who post acceptances. It’s clear that college acceptances are much more significant/sensitive matters in certain circles and to some people. It also seems that some are perhaps reading motivations into the posting of such that may or may not be there.
@Sue22, Still, if you or someone do, I wouldn’t mind seeing them at all. I feel genuinely happy to see parents boasting.
And I feel sorry when they get busted by their furious children, genuinely.
“Some of us are dismissing them because college acceptances are not life and death to us.”
@VickiSoCal I agree. It’s my opinion that social mores are different depending on region. Perhaps many posters on this thread have kids at elite prep schools or boarding schools (and much smaller student body size) so both kids and parents have different perspectives about the whole college acceptance compared to other regions. We’re from CA and most kids here go to very large (>3,000 students) high schools and they don’t typically aspire to go to the east coast let alone Ivies for college. The competition is to get into the top UCs and Stanford for the very tippy top students that can afford it.
My kid got into an Ivy as a recruit, but he applied RD which is tougher. we posted his acceptance letter (and posted his official visits too). The reaction we received was great and many parents and friends commented their joy and congratulatory messages. Now that he’s there it’s just another school that’s harder than his peers’ schools. He sees his friends having more fun than him and in much more beautiful weather while he’s slaving away in a library in freezing cold weather lol. I personally would have liked him to attend school in California but the cards didn’t stack up that way. But going to the east coast for college has expanded him in many ways and he’s glad he’s there. He’s learned to appreciate a different culture/way of life and for that I’m grateful he’s getting that experience.
To answer the original question, NO, NO and again NO!
I don’t post them. They aren’t mine, and D18 doesn’t want me to.
I’m a teacher, and most of the students I know at our small private school do NOT want their parents to post acceptances and scholarship letters, but a lot of them do it anyway, and there is a ton of eye-rolling about it.
I also am friends with people on social media who have students who have really struggled in school, either with depression, or learning differences. I’ve been that parent, too (my oldest has autism), and it just doesn’t feel right to me to constantly post about my younger daughter’s successes.
In the end, D18 doesn’t want a lot of people in her college business, and she doesn’t want people to know which scholarships she does or does not accept. She also applied to a rather larger number of schools compared to many of her peers, and doesn’t want that information bandied about.
So while I am sure I have been tiresome on social media, it isn’t because I post D18’s acceptances.
I posted a pic of D17 wearing a college sweatshirt after she got her EA acceptance to Yale and we assumed she was going there. When she ultimately decided to go elsewhere, I posted a picture of her in a sweatshirt from her new school (Stanford). Lots of people missed the 2nd post and thought she was at Yale.
At some point, I believe that D17 posted something on FB announcing her choice that also showed her acceptance letters from HYP and S.
We didn’t post anything about any other acceptances or scholarship offers.
Part of me thinks it’s a class thing. Upper middle class people are more likely to think admission to a fancy college is no big deal (and so bragging about it is crass.
"each post of acceptance gives another data entry so i love to see them all, especially those that also boast how hard their child worked for those x gpa, x scores, and which ec… "
If it was about the data, then it would be much more helpful if people posted the rejects too.
If you are just posting the admits, then it is humble bragging. Without the humble part.
Putting the detailed admit/deny info on places like here at CC is very helpful. Seeing actual results (admits, denies, defers, waitlists, whatever) from a prior year was a big help in trying to plan out my kids admissions path. To pay that forward, I posted my kids results on CC so families in subsequent years could see the actual info from the trenches.
Question for Bard.
Curious what you thought when your kid posted all of the admit letters from HYPS?
@northwesty - I didn’t really think too much about it. It was the first time she had ever posted anything about any of her acceptances or scholarships. She’s generally not given to being self-congratulatory, and I know how hard she worked applications, scholarship interviews, etc. I guess I felt she was entitled to a bit of “attagirl!” 'cos she rocked it. And I suppose I was a pretty proud mama.
If the final choice is an elite school or scholarship the jealousy/sting is still present in May and beyond, so it is not clear to me why it is ok to post final decisions and not acceptances. Although the social norms conclusion makes sense.
I don’t FB and my kid hasn’t since middle school, but I did tell her to post her EA acceptance (which we both thought she would attend at the time) on FB to inform the family. I knew they would get pleasure out of it - especially the recent immigrant side. On that side, if one family member succeeds, they all succeed. I did forget that all her K-8 classmates from a competitive/gifted/academically advanced school had been FB friends. The post was not intended for them but they saw it. I do consider it a faux pas.
@chzbrgr “Part of me thinks it’s a class thing. Upper middle class people are more likely to think admission to a fancy college is no big deal (and so bragging about it is crass.”
I don’t think it’s a class issue because my kids’ school has all class levels and our neighborhood is upper middle class to wealthy. People are very open about their kid’s college search. Maybe it’s about the competitiveness of the school your kid goes to and how the parents interact with each other. Maybe it’s certain people’s personality and how they view the motivations of others. I was at a neighborhood Christmas Party and we ran into some acquaintances who have a senior and junior and we were talking about our college search for our kids. In that conversation, the Dad openly told us that the junior had been told he would qualify for a large athletic scholarship at a top 20 school. He was saying how lucky it was that his kid was born with this talent as he probably wouldn’t have a chance to go to this U without that talent. He said the Senior kid had aspirations to a school he felt was not going to happen for him based on his grades and scores. I didn’t think to myself what a braggart or feel jealous because his kid was getting to go to a top 20 school with a scholarship. If you are the kind of person who is constantly comparing yourself to others or think that your kid’s success in life is based on how they do in relevance to others, you are going to be a very unhappy person.
@sahmkc right… but did they post about it on Facebook?
And just to be clear, I can think something is crass bragging without feeling jealous.
@chzbrgr Yes, not only do various class levels of parents post on their FB feeds, but the kids all post on their snapchat, instagrams and twitter. So kids know regardless of whether or not a parent posts on their social media accounts.
I feel a lot of those posting against sharing on social media have issues surrounding acceptances (which I can see that posting 20 acceptances may be annoying) and decisions (which I can not fathom how that is a problem) because they do not want any comparisons in order to protect feelings. I would hate to live in a community where people have such issues with other people’s success in life.
@sahmkc has anyone on this thread come out against posting decisions?
I’m more interested in what the parents post.
About your last sentence: there are lots of things like that. That’s why we don’t publicly brag about our salaries on Facebook.
For the record, my daughter and I both attend/ed global top 5 universities, and so we’re definitely not jealous.
@chzbrgr Yes - it has been. More than once. The posters directly said you shouldn’t post because it would hurt other’s kid’s feelings. That’s either jealousy or really poor coping skills.
Most people post job changes on their FB/social media feeds. Posting your salary would only be an accurate comparison if people were posting the amount of scholarship money they received. I don’t think that there is anyone advocating posting scholarship money.
@sahmkc Lol, my feeds are full of scholarship letters with amounts listed. One mom had it pointed out that her home address was showing, and she did not care.
yes, but i will take the free burger even without fries. i will enjoy the food, listen to the chef’s brag and make a sincere compliment. if it’s from a family i know, i may be able to make an educated guess on the rejects too.
@sahmkc can you point me to a post?
Good point about scholarship money. I think posting acceptances is like posting all the jobs you get offered after interviewing and then choose not to take. Definitely a bit crass/trashy.
Why do I think posting acceptances is sad? I’m certainly not jealous. I think it maybe shows a need for approval and a level of overinvestment in the process, on the part of the parent. Like, it’s a bit sad that they are so desperate for Facebook likes.
Sharing acceptances with family and close family is fine and normal. You can share the rejections with them too, if they are so close. But I’m sure it would be more meaningful in a private or small group message.
I agree that anyone who is jealous should get over it.