I am so happy to read all these posts about people not advertising every time their child gets accepted into a school. I too feel like it may be a little insensitive to those kids who are waiting or were rejected from a school my child got into but may not be as interested in and only informed the people closest to me and my family. I told my son that once he makes his decision I will publically acknowledge his accomplishments and his final decision. Good luck to everyone!
I find it fascinating the two different camps about what each thinks is acceptable to post on social media by parents.
To the camp that thinks it’s not ok for parents to post their child’s acceptances on social media because other parents and their children might get their feelings hurt, how do you differentiate that from when the stage of life is children getting married and having babies? Is it not acceptable to post exciting news like your child’s engagement or pregnancy because you might hurt the feelings of other parents and their children who are still single or struggling with fertility?
Yes, we all are entitled to our own opinion but when people start ostracizing or looking down on others for what they choose to post on their Facebook pages whether it’s college acceptances, college athletic recruitment offers, job offers, engagements, pregnancies, etc. it sends the message to our kids that it’s ok to be judgmental. Why can’t we be happy for that poster and move on? Certainly that’s a better attitude to have (even if the poster is excessive). Just be happy for them.
If HS kids can’t take the good news of other peers it will set them up for difficulty at college when they will eventually see their friends having more fun than them via Snapchat and then turn to CC to post about it saying they hate college and have no friends. My point is that our kids will always have to face others having it better than them. This is the time to teach them how to be ok with that.
We haven’t posted our son’s acceptances, but I don’t have problems with those who have (I only know one couple who is posting their kid’s on Facebook). Our son has a good friend who got into Yale ED, and he seems genuinely happy for his friend even though his own acceptances are pretty middle of the road. When he decides where he’s going we may post that.
“You don’t realize how much work we put every day to even be considered at these amazing schools.”
Sorry, had to chuckle at this. You’re talking to parents and educators. We know.
@Hanna Lol sadly some actually don’t understand. I want the parents to understand that, yes, it is disappointing to not be accepted into the college of your dreams, but when my classmates do (and I am not the only one who feels this way) you feel happy for them because you know that they worked really hard to get where they are. It doesn’t mean you didn’t but others did as well. and thank you @4junior
I really think that the people who have the most issue with FB postings need to spend less time on FB and then the situation will resolve itself.
I go on FB because it is a way for me to keep connected with friends and acquaintances. I see both the good and bad in their lives. But it is a choice that I make by signing on or by getting notifications.
For those who struggle with seeing college acceptances, and view them as bragging–the answer is simple–don’t go on FB frequently and turn off your notifications. You will miss most of the information you dread seeing that way.
And this will be good training for what’s to come. Because down the road your feed will be filled with great internships, college graduations, first jobs, engagements. weddings, and first grandchildren. (All of which can be seen as bragging if that is your take on sharing.)
My husband has a FB and he probably goes on it a few times a month vs. my daily habit. Believe me, he has no idea what’s going on with almost everyone we know. I play the role of gatekeeper for updates that I think he’d like to know. And he likes it like that 
Of course! Dartmouth forever!!!
I am glad social media was not a thing when my kids were in high school - I might have been tempted to post things that my older & wiser self realizes do not need to be on social media.
@uskoolfish: Did anyone on this thread say anything about objecting to news of “internships, college graduations, first jobs, engagements. weddings, and first grandchildren”?
Not that I’ve noticed, at least not in any significant numbers.
In fact, there seems to be considerable consensus that it’s fine to post the happy news of a college decision and the moment of drop-off. Very few people seem to have a problem with posting happy news about major transitions.
Trips, special meals, sports triumphs, it’s all good.
But where there seems to be a reasonable difference of opinion is on whether one should post the play-by-play of college acceptances, which is really a whole different ballgame. That’s NOT because people are, in general, unable to be happy for others or “struggling” to deal with others’ successes but because in some contexts it does tip over into bragging. And there’s a reason describing someone as bragging is not considered a compliment. If you live in a community where it’s not bragging to share all your kid’s acceptances (and I can certainly picture how that might be the case) great. But certainly in mine, where there is a very small community of kids many of whom are angling for the same schools, and kids are applying to 12-15 schools, publically keeping a tally of all the acceptances just feels rude. (And really serves nobody except the person doing the bragging.) I’m glad very few people I know actually did that.
I am not friends with my son or any other teens on FB. If a student/friend found out about his visits, art submissions and ED acceptance via FB that would mean that another adult told them. In that case, I can’t control what another adult chooses to share with their teen. On another note, I can’t imagine asking my children permission to post something on MY FB Page. They’d probably laugh at me. I have a huge family and none of them live nearby as well as friends who lead very busy lives so we use FB to keep each other up to date with what’s going on in our lives. I suppose if I had mere “associates” or people I only know in passing on my FB Page I would share differently.
My Facebook community is not primarily the community I live in. Am I that unusual?
“If you live in a community where it’s not bragging to share all your kid’s acceptances”
@4junior - I also find the range of answers interesting AND I agree that context matters.
My kids went to a private, college prep school where kids were also competing against one another for top spots. The big difference is that the class is much larger, around 350 total seniors. The very top kids apply to the very top schools. However, the culture of the school is different. The school has an electronic billboard outside (on a major road) that congratulates students on their acceptances as the acceptances roll in. Everyone who passes by sees the billboard. It also announces awards, honors and championships throughout the year. Where I am everyone in the school community knows who got in where. Social media announcements of college acceptances were for my brother, aunts, cousins, and other out of town social contacts.
None of my kids went to schools that most people on CC would consider worthy of a brag. In fact, my youngest was criticized heavily by some of his classmates and school administrators who felt that the didn’t reach high enough.
@porcupine98 - You can dislike the term snowflake all you like but the truth is that a great many young people lack resilience. It needs to be taught.
I don’t see how any of this has anything to do with saying please and thank you. If I posted “Congratulations to Youngpatiot on your acceptance to collegename” that isn’t rude, or unpleasant. It’s one sentence. I also congratulated my brother on getting his Principal’s credential, my niece on her robotics award and my husband on his hockey team winning the championship. What else do people post on social media?
@Proudpatriot I agree that resilience needs to be taught, so that’s something we can agree on. But although one hears much about this in the news, I find the kids I’m exposed to pretty resilient overall. (Or, at any rate, no more or less resilient than my generation … which, arguably, did not have to be QUITE as resilient as the generations before, at least in the U.S.)
I don’t think this has much to do with resilience, though. The older generation in my family, who weathered world wars and the Depression and much much more don’t think much of bragging, either. Let alone social media. They don’t even care for graduation announcements and the like.
So it seems it’s all situational, cultural, etc., but I don’t think it’s about kids these days being too dainty or selfish to be happy for others. (And the please and thank you bit was tongue in cheek – the point being that there area variety of social niceties in a variety of cultural situations, and using them doesn’t mean you think others are too fragile to handle their absence.)
@DeepBlue86 - The college sweatshirt thing is a perfect example of students who need to learn resilience. My kids went to a private school where uniforms were the norm. College gear day was one day a year that the seniors got to wear their college stuff. What is so toxic about it?
I didn’t post my own kid’s acceptances, but I did post my nephew’s because he thought he would end up at a community college (due to financial reasons) but was accepted to four great schools (with great financial aid packages) and I was excited for him. Plus, it felt less like bragging since it wasn’t my own kid.
@VickiSoCal I live in a suburb of Boston…and have exactly four Facebook friends in town: my three immediate neighbors and a guy I have been swimming with for almost 18 years. The other 35,000 citizens: nope. (OK…my wife and kids, too.) My Facebook friends are from different parts of my life: high school in Southern California, college in Pennsylvania, some other places I have lived. It never occurred to me to be Facebook friends with people parents at my kids’ school.
@Proudpatriot, I’m describing kids who’ve knocked the cover off the ball at their elite high schools, got perfect GPAs, captained sports teams and in some cases are recruited athletes, won national competitions, published research in national journals, etc., etc., have been admitted to some of the top universities in the country and don’t need lessons from you, me or anyone else about grit, hard work and resilience.
Yet these same kids think that it might actually be embarrassing, at their schools, to parade around in t-shirts in what they see as a lame dominance display over friends they’ve known since kindergarten and who’ve also worked extremely hard but haven’t been as fortunate.
I get it that you think it’s no big deal, and I fully understand (and have stated) that different responses may be appropriate in other places and circumstances, but I’m proud of these kids, for everything they’ve accomplished, because they understand that empathy for their friends doesn’t equal coddling people who need lessons in resilience, and because they (and their parents) don’t need the validation of them wearing a college t-shirt, particularly if it comes at their friends’ expense. Your mileage may vary.
Here’s a related question for the group…what do you make of those articles that come out seemingly every year about the kids who run the table wrt Ivy admits? (Usually in the Spring, after RD notification period.) Is that crass of the family to publicize that? How about the paper that reports on it?
Also, this discussion reminds me of the person who once joked to me that “How do you know that someone went to Harvard? Because they tell you.” Yes, this person was indeed a Harvard alum.
The point someone was trying to make above about this breaking along class lines is SO goofy and parochial, IMO. Some of the wealthiest people I know are also some of the name-droppiest. Just as others are extremely modest.
@SevenDad that is a good question! (could be it’s own thred) Whenever I see the “Student is Accepted at Every Ivy” article I cringe. It irks me that Student X applied to ALL of the schools, each one has it’s own distinct culture/personality and there is no way Student X did their homework and choose schools based on what was a good fit. It feels like trophy hunting to me and that is what seems crass.
@DeepBlue86 kids who have attended elite private schools with the same group of wealthy peers since kindergarten seem unlikely to be chock full of resilience and grit. Some might be but on average I doubt it.