I think that’s probably true, @chzbrgr. Any college acceptance can be noteworthy for those families, especially when it turns out to be affordable.
I think Hanna’s point about the differences between the level of acceptances from one child to the next is a good one. People forget that all kids aren’t the same. Another thing families don’t consider is how well their child will adapt to school. I know several kids who didn’t take a linear path to graduation. The last thing they need is well meaning people asking how things at “x university” are going. Having to explain – again – that they’re no longer there adds stress to an already unpleasant situation.
My daughter is a senior in high school and she just got accepted to her dream college ED. She posted it on Instagram and Facebook and all of her friends congratulated her and it was very exciting and it felt amazing. Her best friend a week later got into her ED school and similarly posted her exciting news and we are not from a low socioeconomic area in fact we live in the wealthiest county in NY. Saying that people who are lower income get more excited because they aren’t expecting it or wealthier people are used to it is not correct at all. People no matter where they reside or what they do for a living or how much money they have post things on Facebook to share exciting news because they are ecstatic and thats a feeling most people experience and most parents feel for their children. Income, and socioeconomic status have nothing to do with it. We love our kids we feel proud we want to tell everyone whether we are a gazillionaire or receive welfare. In every group there are people who post pictures every second of the day until you feel nauseous from them and there are people who are more humble about it but my daughter was so excited to get into her dream school she wasn’t really sure she would and it was the greatest feeling ever to get that email and later the big envelope acceptance. I hope everyone on here gets to feel that feeling for their kids at least once because its truly magical. Go ahead and post if that’s what you and your child feel comfortable with. Not every day, thats going overboard. Good Luck to all of you parents who are painstakingly waiting to hear from schools with your children, its very stressful. Try and be positive but also keep it in perspective, As I told my daughter theres a school for everyone and whats meant to be will be so try and have faith in the bigger picture. Your kids work hard they do well they tried their best their applications are in for the most part now let it go and be a positive role model for them no matter what happens with the school of their dreams. Encourage them to feel excited for their friends who get into the school of their dreams and also be a support for the friends who are disappointed. Thats one of the most important lessons to learn for kids. Dealing with disappointment and being happy for others.
I probably should have started a new discussion but I had to comment on this.
I would/will post my kid’s rejections, but we haven’t had any…yet. DD2016 was 12 for 12 and DD2018 is 10 for 17 (still waiting on the last seven). If you want to think that’s a brag, more power to ya! Maybe it’s a brag about our family’s ability to pick schools that are a decent match, lol? It’s not a brag about my kiddo’s grades, but more accurately a reflection our family’s insecurities about getting an acceptance. Honestly, when I post an acceptance/rejection I am not doing a serious analysis of why; sure it’s a brag of sorts but it is also a means of sharing info. More recently a post for me is diary entry/personal record.
It’s something of a joke at my DD2018’s school about the number of schools she applied to, she made no secret of it, so now people ask “did you/she get in?”. Maybe my kiddos wouldn’t have applied to so many schools if people actually talked about about the admissions process, acceptances AND rejections, instead of treating it like a deep dark secretive process and/or a competition. We definitely felt like we were working in the dark. @uskoolfish I appreciate willingness to share info about the process, it is helpful.
BTW, I post when my kiddo’s lose games. I specifically post about rankings and divisions for competitions/tournament, ie. “Team was 3rd of 5 etc”. My DD2018 is the kid that will openly admit in class when she’s gotten a low grade or failed a quiz or test. I post the common app essay topics on FB when they came out in the spring. I post ACT/SAT dates. I posted college visits. I love to know what schools kids are applying, why they picked a school, who is being accepted/rejected where and such. (Obviously we all care to some extent or we wouldn’t be here on CC).
@bethdc7 this was more about parents posting not the students themselves but thanks.
@labegg good luck to you! If you can post a rejection without sugar coating it then I have to admit that’s bit bragging, though I still wouldn’t do it.
It’s almost 2018 and for new years I’m getting off the internet. Good luck to everyone, and I hope to see you again in 2019.
As a student who saw my friends getting receiving their ED decisions (and I am still waiting for my RD), I am happy for them and I think it is okay for them to post about it. You don’t realize how much work we put every day to even be considered at these amazing schools. Getting in is a big relief due to the burden that everyone puts on teens to get into a good college. I am happy to see my classmates to get into their dream schools because they worked very hard to get in. Even if I don’t get in, I know I will get in somewhere else. Simple. Some ones happiness doesn’t offend me or make me sad. Especially when you spend four years with them as you both stay up late to do assignments.
There is nothing wrong with celebrating a college acceptance, whether it is telling family/friends or posting on social media. It is one of the simple pleasures (and a key milestones) of one’s life. There is no right or wrong way…only one way…whatever students/parents think. As @Betudo says…it is a lot of hard work.
In my community (SF Bay area), there are many parents who brag about their kids’ college acceptances, but only a few who take it to social media. The ones who are doing it on FB have been that way since the kids were in elementary school. I think that there’s a certain type of parent, most often the mom, who shamelessly brags about her kid(s) and can find countless clever, indirect, back-door ways of doing it. This type of person will not be silenced! LOL
“I would hate to live in a community where people have such issues with other people’s success in life.” Based on what you’ve stated, you don’t live in such a community. The fact that some people find the posting in bad taste should not matter to you.
Not a parent, but i agree with my mom’s opinion to not share it in ANY social media. She and I think it will only make some people jealous and cause bad luck to us. We are a little superstitious
@4junior wrote: “Personally I find those college sweatshirt days toxic. Yes, it’s great to be proud. But really, it’s insensitive to have a school sponsored display of bragging.”
Are you serious? No wonder we have so many snowflakes among the younger generation. There is nothing wrong with kids wearing their college gear to school. My kids are all past the applying to college stage of life but I am writing this to encourage parents to teach their children a bit of resilience as they grow up. Allow them to be disappointed but encourage them to move on to the next thing. Let them see you excited about someone else’s good news.
Last night a former team mate of my son had a huge game in one of the big bowl games. He will surely be going to the NFL. My son was not big enough and not good enough for that. However, I know he was watching (because he was texting me during the game) and he is truly excited for this young man. That is a learned response to the success of others. It is not innate. You can teach your children to be bitter if other people have success or you can teach them to enjoy good news. Your choice.
I shared my kids acceptances on FB (with their permission). How someone else reacted to those posts is not my problem. I have family all over the country (CA, FL, NY, NJ, MI, TX) who want to hear about my kids. I also shared significant accomplishments, academic, musical, and athletic on FB. I love to hear good news and assume others love to hear good news as well.
No. I will share when her graduation announcements go out (even though she decided in November and has been wearing clothing from chosen college already–those who are close to her know her choice even though she hasn’t formally accepted yet). I was having lunch with a friend a few weeks back and ran into another friend whom I’d already shared with (the chosen school is her alma mater so she was the first person I told) and the friend I was having lunch with was like “You didn’t tell me…you didn’t post it on Facebook…” Nope. IMO, decisions are fine, but hearing every little acceptance and honors school invite is just obnoxious. Sorry if you disagree. I have one friend whose DD applied to a big number of lower-stat schools and has posted every.single.acceptance. They were easy “yes” schools for her, so I fail to see the big deal. Had she struggled and feared no acceptances, then maybe it would be more to celebrate but that is not the case. DD has friends that have done this, too–applied to many “likely” schools and brag about every acceptance. This is one of my big issues with social media in general. All these narcissists who think the world cares about every little thing!!!
I completely disagree that college sweatshirt days are toxic. I think they are a fantastic way to get the younger classes interested and thinking about colleges. The first place kids are going to go to ask questions about admissions/colleges is their classmates/peers. I think that when Suzy Sophomore sees Stacey Senior in an ABC University sweatshirt, the gears in Suzy’s head start turning and she thinks “Wow if Stacy got in maybe I can too!” or she sees Steve Senior in a PDQ sweatshirts and thinks “PDQ? Never heard of that school!” later Suzy may look up PDQ and find that it is a perfect school for her too. I know for a fact DD’s younger teammates ask her questions about schools and GPAs, ACT/SAT and course selections.
DD2016 applied to Quinnipiac, a school that very few people here in Texas know anything about…a younger classmate’s (2017) Mom saw that DD was accepted at QU (did not attend) on my FB feed. Looked it up and low and behold Classmate2017 just finished her first semester at QU. That mom jokes all the time that Classmate2017 wouldn’t be living in the Arctic if it wasn’t for us. So, if my posting every darn acceptance is “bragging”, so be it! I know if helped one kid/family.
A friend of mine whose kid is a senior in high school posted a year-end recap just now. She noted that he had applied to 6 unnamed schools and heard back with acceptances (and enough financial aid) from 2 of them already.
That feels like the right amount of information for a parent in our social circle to share at this point of the game, so I’m grateful to her for pointing the way for me. Hopefully I’ll be able to follow her lead next year, with similar amounts of success.
@Proudpatriot, there are more than a few people who “find those college sweatshirt days toxic”, or (more commonly) just embarrassing to themselves or others. I know lots of them, and plenty are hardworking, high-achieving superstars who aren’t snowflakes by any reasonable definition. Whatever you think is appropriate, or whatever is customary at your local high school, a blanket statement like “there is nothing wrong with kids wearing their college gear to school” doesn’t apply in all situations. Different places have different customs, and what you might consider catering to snowflakes, others view as the way they’re expected to behave to friends that they’ve known most of their lives.
Similarly:
Yes, it is a lot of hard work, and when you’ve done that work and are rejected by the college you want, and one of your classmates whom you’ve known since kindergarten is accepted, and it isn’t obvious that they worked any harder than you, you may appreciate it if they partake of that “simple pleasure” by quietly informing their family and close friends rather than doing an end zone dance in front of you and their 2,000 other friends on Facebook. Just sayin’…
It would be different if there were an objective set of criteria for college admissions, and everyone had a position on some kind of master ranking list. Then, admissions results would be much more predictable, it really would be much more about how hard you worked and how much talent you had, and there would be much less sensitivity. This is why I’m a lot less bothered by recruited athletes announcing where they’ve committed, by the way - because it’s based much more on objective measures of talent. If someone has the skills to be recruited and you don’t, you’re not in competition with them and it’s less reasonable to begrudge them their success. This is analogous to the situation of the kid who got into Yale after being the only one from his high school to apply in recent memory and is a role model for everyone. You cheer for him, just like you cheer for the recruited classmate who plays in a bowl game.
With holistic admissions, though, there are many paths to getting in and the basis for why this one did and that one didn’t are unknowable to all but the admissions office, so the emotion around it is much more intense. This is why, at some schools (especially ones with small classes and where many apply to the same colleges), there’s a stronger culture of sensitivity and discretion than at others.
@pekkla “I would hate to live in a community where people have such issues with other people’s success in life.” Based on what you’ve stated, you don’t live in such a community. The fact that some people find the posting in bad taste should not matter to you.
It doesn’t matter to me what other people think about my posting, if they don’t like it they can unfollow me. What bothers me is the reason behind this “don’t post acceptances” is that it is to protect other students from disappointment. Some posters make it seem like these students are going to have some sort of breakdown over someone else’s acceptance. This is not a normal response to someone else’s good news. As an HR professional who deals with newly graduated college students - I am begging you as a parent please teach your kids how to deal with life’s disappointments. You have no idea how this is going to negatively affect them in their career trajectory. Students like @Betudo (and other students who have posted) who have learned to celebrate others and focus on what they need to do to be successful have the right attitude to carry them forward in life.
@Proudpatriot@labegg Its been interesting hearing a wider range of views on this throughout the many answers on this thread - it shows me how burrowed I’ve become in our little private school world. I answered based on my context; I can see that the true answer is very context driven for each of us and for every different context a different answer is appropriate.
D goes to a school where each year over 60 Seniors (about half the graduating class) apply ED/EA to four schools: HYPS.* Depending on the year about 12-15 of those will get in to those early choices. The ones who did not get in also worked hard for their 1550+ scores, their perfect GPAs. Often they simply did not have a hook, or the school was only going to take a max of X candidates from this school early. Similarly the ones who are not applying to those schools are still applying to a rather small pool of top colleges. They all know that their app is reviewed by a single reader who reads all apps from their HS; they are in direct competition with each other. Even D’s friends from other schools are applying to the same pool of schools. After 12+ years forming collegial bonds the tenor changes in Senior year - its like a game of musical chairs where when the music stops one of your friends is left without a seat.
Labegg raises a good point, I can see how the sweatshirts work totally differently in that context. I wasn’t thinking of that situation when I made my initial comment. But at our school everybody knows the schools on the sweatshirt, and when they see a friend in a college sweatshirt there is a good possibility they applied to that school. Maybe they got in and choose not to go, maybe it was their top choice and they were denied. Either way, it’s just an unneeded point of friction. I think this is especially true when the Early1 decisions came out, some kids are exhilarated and relaxed having gotten accepted, but the majority are even more anxious and stressed as they are wondering where they will end up. I hear you Proudpatriot re snowflakes, but there need not be a binary choice between teaching resilience and teaching empathy.
Re social media. I posted college tours when we did them as I found them a highlight of bonding with my daughter; this is my first (and only) time going through the process and I was excited and naive. I was criticized behind my back even while those same people clicked the likes box. I truly didn’t see how this was viewed as bragging when I did it, and since I don’t have but a small close handful of D’s friends on my feed I find it nuts that moms were up in arms about their “kids feelings” (I think it was the moms who were feeling badly…which is important too). I am in total agreement with posting the school you get accepted to and will attend. But if D gets into her ED2 school I doubt I will post that right away, we’ve been specifically asked not to. And yeah, that kinda sucks as I will want to shout it from the rooftops.
Seems to me that is a complicated issue with many sides to it. I’ve enjoyed seeing many perspectives it in this thread, but to argue that one way is right seems pointless.
*D is not part of this subset, but its the easiest group to make the point with.
@4junior I think you have hit the nail on the head. It is a very contextually related situation. What might be the case in my community is not in others!
This: “There need not be a binary choice between teaching resilience and teaching empathy.”
Also, again, enough with the “snowflakes.” Do the same people who use that term, and sneer at showing courtesy by not bragging (where, contextually, what you’re saying would be perceived as bragging) also disdain saying “please” and “thank you”? Those are also ways of showing courtesy and sparing feelings, but perhaps using those terms doesn’t do enough to “build resilience”?
If, in your community, sharing every acceptance is a chance for celebration and collective rejoicing, have at it. But if you live in a community where it functions as one-up-manship and bragging, be aware of that and proceed accordingly. I think most of us are perceptive enough to figure that out.
I don’t think that posting acceptances will hurt other kids, I think it might hurt other parents. I also don’t want to get into a months-long brangle when/if my kid is accepted at a safety that one of my friends attended, but refuses to make a decision until all of the accept/rejects come in. Once we have all the data in hand, then an informed decision can be made and then other people can weigh in.
Every Wednesday is college sweatshirt day at our school.
Kids from all grades wear sweatshirts from all over. Their parent or a sibling’s school, a school whose sports team they like, it is really random. Noone would assume they were going there.
