Brag away. I’m in the camp of kids worked hard, so did their parents. Brag brag brag, its been earned. If my kid had specifically asked that I not, I would have respected their wish but they didn’t, so I update to my friends. I like getting Christmas brag letters as well!
I eagerly await decisions with other parents and acknowledge their proud moments as well as the rejections. We are all in the village.
My DD applied to reaches, got one, rejected to another but no merit. I posted but I also posted not doable financially and moving on.
I think it comes across as a cry for attention when parents announce lists of colleges a child was accepted to, especially if most/all of the colleges have near-100% acceptance rates. It’s not doing your kid a favor. It’s always appropriate to announce your kid’s college decision though.
As I read through this (while I should no doubt be doing something else!) and the comments about being “proud of your kid”, I am recalling being party to a conversation when 2 parents whose kids had both received ED acceptances to very selective schools that week met up. “So, I guess we didn’t do so badly as parents…” it started. Although I don’t have a kid in this application cycle, I was standing through this chit-chat thinking “well, where does that leave everyone whose kid did not get in?”
So while some people may genuinely be spreading news and seeking appreciation for their kids’ efforts (often folks who have been open about their kids’ struggles), there is certainly a group for whom acceptance posting is self-congratulation.
I suspect that some of the more passionate reactions against posting acceptances here may be from folks whose circles include folks who engage in competitive parenting.
No, the bragging is ALWAYS about the parent and their own personal insecurities in my opinion and if it’s not that, it’s about one-upmanship which is even worse. Many kids who brag all the time don’t have a ton of peer friends I think. I’m fortunate that I don’t have FB friends who play those cards but it’s easy enough to spot. It will happen again when kids start getting “real” jobs I predict…and then radio silence from the parent who posted the admissions and acceptances and has a kid living in the basement for a year or so.
@gardenstategal and @momofthreeboys I agree. I went to a lecture with several AD’s from top colleges speaking to a group of parents. The AD at Davidson made a plea to parents, stating “The bumper sticker on your car is not a report card for parenting.” So true, but so hard to keep perspective on all of this. I know so many parents who need to hear this message… including me at some points in the process!
@4junior , we all do along the way. And frankly, most of us came to this site to be good parents and help our kids through this process, so we all have that in common.
None of us set out to do a bad job, and all of us love our kids. I would like to think they know this and that it keeps them going in spite of us!
I posted on FB when my oldest son was accepted to his top two choices last year. He was excited beyond belief and I shared that with a small, closed friend group. All of whom I am close enough with that they know I wasn’t bragging about him, but celebrating with him. It was, and is an accomplishment that we shared with people who cared. I have a senior this year too. I haven’t posted about him yet because he is really undecided. I will do so when he narrows down where he wants to go…which will largely depend on merit aid. This thread reminds me about that song… “I bet you think this song is about you…” As long as you are polite, humble, sensitive, celebrate with people you care about. If they can’t handle that, they probably don’t belong on your friends list.
I have an unfortunate end result for a daughter due to her mother’s excessive posting. A friend’s daughter was looking at larger D1 schools and was going to play a sport. While visiting schools around the country, the mother posted from every place visited. The mother has lots of people associated with her social media account, not just true friends and family. Because of the sport aspect, acceptances came in earlier than most and pictures were posted of the physical acceptance letters from schools. She posted a multiple choice question on FB with all the schools listed saying all the schools want her D and asked everyone to vote on where she should go. (Yes, this is an extreme form of posting) Of course, everyone had an opinion whether on FB or when they saw her daughter. After all her “big” impressive D1 programs/ schools, I don’t know what prompted it but, her daughter went with a fellow athlete to visit a small rural D2/D3 school within two hours from home. She ended up loving the school, the team and the coach. She found her “place”. About a week after her visit, she committed to the school and her mom posted it on FB. Of course, there were many congratulatory comments but, also some strange ones (Where is that school? Didn’t know you were looking there, etc.). The daughter has basically had to “explain herself” to people she runs into. The reality, when you post you are opening your life and, in this case, day-today life with whomever is listed as “friends/family”. Posting is fine but every detail is probably not necessary.
I had this conversation with my daughter, and we both agreed that she would decide when/what she is comfortable with me posting. She doesn’t want me to post about her acceptances and or rejections, and she’d prefer that I not share them (verbally - the old fashioned way ;-)) with anyone until after May 1, if at all. In terms of where she decides to attend, she’d rather tell people herself as much as possible. We have family & friends that live far away, and FB is our main method of communication, so I’m sure that I’ll post her college choice there at some point - but only after she gives the green light. It’s an exciting time for her and I want her to be able to enjoy telling people on her own terms.
I was fine with my parents verbally sharing my acceptances. I don’t think that’s problematic. It becomes tacky when your acceptances are broadcast across the Internet.
I run my posts about DD’s accomplishments by her. She believes that if you post too much about anything, it can jinx you. Not only that, she has to deal with some arrogant kids/parents in her class who brag about everything. Do they honestly think that people are genuinely happy for them if they behave this way? People just wait for them not to live up to all this bragging. I do believe it is in poor taste to flaunt things. Let the results speak for themselves. She is the most supportive and encouraging person, but she will not talk about personal accomplishments, especially good things to others, unless asked, and she will not talk about acceptances until she makes her final decision. I do keep up a google docs for her counselor and recommenders for them to see deadlines, acceptances, and scholarships. They were kind enough to help her, and so they cheer her for every victory and console her for every rejection. My dear friends and relatives (people who actually care, not just curious) know when she has to interview and they send out good vibes and prayers. I will, at the end, post her final decision in May, thanking her teachers and everyone who made it possible.
Agree with what seems to be the main consensus on here that posting acceptances, pictures of acceptance letters etc… on social media is not a good idea for multiple reasons - main one being sensitivity to other students going through the process who may have rejections and deferrals by comparison. Also key from my perspective is bragging openly to a large audience, trying to show how smart your child is - is frankly crass. Now celebrating your child’s achievement of getting into college with your close friend/family group once they have made the final choice (after May 1st) - totally fine, and we should be rightly proud of their achievement (emphasis on ‘their’ achievement as whilst we as parents help, support etc… it is not our achievement so should not be used to somehow communicate how wonderful we are as parents).
So just my pov - no posting during the process, wait until after May 1st and celebrate the final choice only.
If your kid has worked hard and earned it, share their success and be proud. It will motivate others to soar and earn their rewards. For the cupcakes and their kin-work harder, sacrifice to be the best, and cope with it!
There are more than a few people whom if i saw in person i would share that latest acceptance. I would say that Dear Little Johnny got into Super U, they would say that’s great, they would mean it, and then the conversation would move on. Some of these people are very close friends or family but thanks to modern communication, FB is our only means of communication on a semi-regular basis. I’ll post for their benefit (as I would speak to them) and anyone who doesn’t like it can take a long walk.
434: “That's a little like saying, "If you don't like that someone farts loudly on the subway, sit in a different car." Just because there's an easy way to avoid the behavior doesn't make the behavior itself less obnoxious!”
Reminds me of when I was on the subway recently, I unfortunately got into a car that had a homeless man sleeping in it who had crapped his pants. If I could have moved cars I would have but was kind of trapped.
Social media is what it is. We all are going to have differing opinions on what is acceptable or obnoxious regarding Facebook posting but to each his own, eh? I would rather see college acceptances over someone’s food or political posts any day. At this point I welcome seeing college acceptance posts. I have a FB friend I know well and I love her a lot but man oh man she posts every single thing her kid does for competitive cheer and dance…and I mean everything! At least she apologizes and warns us that our newsfeed is going to get cluttered with cheer stuff, lol. This goes on year round too so I’ve been seeing these posts for years now! At least with college acceptances it’s a short period of time and I don’t find them obnoxious. Maybe it’s because most kids around here don’t apply to 10-17 schools.
I’ve got a high school senior currently going through the college search process. I also have a college freshman. I’ve shared (in person, like you know: by really talking to them) past and present college admissions, rejections, wait lists, etc with people I am close with. Close family, colleagues, friends. No way I would consider posting acceptances on Facebook. It’s meaningless bragging. An acceptance doesn’t mean anything at all when the student doesn’t choose to attend that school.
The social media experiment we are voluntarily subjecting ourselves to is like a cancer spreading through our social fabric. It dumbs us down, simplifies reactions to 1 of 4 options, creates anxiety, makes people do/record stupid things for the sake of a few likes, has mothers/fathers staring at their cellphones hours each day instead of reading a book to their child. There’s a growing body of evidence suggesting it’s plain bad for us. It’s time to dial it down a bit…