@Ynotgo thank you for the info!
College acceptances are about the kid attending the college, not the parents. If it were me, I’d let the kid choose what he wants to share on his social media about his college plans. I wouldn’t post anything unless he wanted me to. This is a very hypothetical discussion for me since I’m not even on social media . I’ve tried Facebook, but took my account offline after I found the negatives to outweigh the positives. These negatives included not being interested in the vast majority of feed posts, and people getting upset/annoyed if I unfriended them or did not respond to their private messages.
Yes I did. I am also not a fan of “but Becky really wanted to go there and don’t get it. It would make her sad to see that that Maya got in”. WTH? That’s life, suck it up buttercup.
I’m having fertility issues…so Becky can’t post that she’s pregnant?
Maya lives in an apartment…I’m not supposed to post that I just bought the house of my dreams?
Trevor’s budget only allows a local beach vacation each year…No one can share pics from their cruise or European vacation?
I see stuff that other people do/have and sometimes I’m envious. And then I put on my big girl panties and keep it moving.
SnowflakeKids
I’m not sure whether I would have or not but it doesn’t matter because my d19 has already given me the ground rules that I am not allowed to post her future acceptances (can’t post pics of her touring colleges either). I might be allowed to post her decision when she picks a place.
Neither of my kids use social media themselves.
Exactly @exitstageleft . I am an infrequent poster on FB but I’m bursting with pride over my D’s acceptances so far. I will post them, once they are all in. If anyone is offended, hurt or otherwise upset by the post they can unfriend me. However, I highly doubt any of my friends or family will feel that way about good news though. My D and her friends do discuss their college acceptances with each other. Over 90% of seniors at her school go on to college but it doesn’t sound like they are competitive over where others are going, at least within her friend group. Some of her friends don’t have the grades to get into tippy top schools, some do. It’s all good. They are happy and rooting for each other to get into the schools they want to attend…exactly as it should be.
Thank you @exitstageleft This is exactly how I feel. I don’t understand why you can’t be happy for someone else’s success or feel sorrow for their disappointments. I’m not sure how shielding someone from this is doing them a favor on learning how to deal with the real world, which is full of both celebrations and disappointments. My son has one friend who has been accepted ED to John’s Hopkins & another who was told that he was his representative’s primary pick for a military academy. Both wonderful and impressive accomplishments - more impressive than his ED Acceptance. He is not upset that his friends got into such selective schools - he’s happy for them and shares in their excitement. He actually texted me from school to tell that his friend got a call from our Rep and was going to the military academy. He also has three friends who do not get into their highly selective EA/ED schools and he commiserates with them.
I do see both sides of this. However, I find it frustrating, as someone said, that athletic accomplishments are posted in the local papers and national signing day is covered nationally. At our school, at the end of year awards ceremony more than half the awards go to athletes. Full disclosure—son is an athlete as well as a top student. No one gets upset when someone shares that their kid scored a goal, won a race, made the varsity squad, etc. if your kid won, it means someone else lost, no? Shouldn’t the college acceptance season be the time for academics to be in the spotlight? Why is it ok for athletics but not for academics?
That is like posting all the pictures of the guys you dated and didn’t marry. Seems a bit much but if your friend group enjoys sharing so much…
My DS is a junior so I am still deciding what to share, so I want to thank all of you for your perspectives. Kiddo goes to a high school where maybe 10% go anywhere higher than community college unless it’s a service academy. I had been open in social media about our decision process, but I am beginning to try to hold my cards closer to the chest. Kido still has a lot of standardized tests to take, semesters worth of grades, reams of essays. There is still a huge range of where he could end up. I am afraid of mentioning a school and having people fixate on it.
So I am being vague while we travel and look at campuses. 16 months to go, maybe 12 if early decision comes through. It’s going to be a long year. Thank you for being here and making me feel not so alone
@eastcoast101 Thinking of college acceptances as awards or rewards for academic performance is what causes trouble. Your academics stand alone and colleges accept students based on many factors.
But aren’t college acceptances, in fact, rewards for hard work? Inside and outside the classroom? Yes I am well aware that acceptance to a top school is a crap shoot. But I’m not just talking about top schools. Plenty of people are excited about their acceptance to less prestigious institutions. Why not share?
I’ve seen people post their kids’ report cards. It’s rare but it happens. I’m just trying to understand why it’s ok for sports but not for academics.
And I DON’T post all acceptances. But my H thinks there is nothing wrong with it.
I posted final decisions. I have heard people say that it’s insensitive to post just about everything–I’ve heard criticism of posting pictures of birthday parties for both children and ADULTS. No vacation pics. No wedding or baby pics.
At some point, people who claim to be my friend, but can’t handle my happiness, have to make a choice. Be happy for me or my children or don’t be my friend. If social media is overwhelming, then don’t be on it.
@eastcoast101 Sometime 35 ACT kids are not accepted to impacted programs. Doesn’t reflect their performance. Many kids don’t even apply to top schools because the NPC indicates that it is unaffordable. Doesn’t reflect performance. And what if you get accepted to a top school and then find out that you cannot afford. Now you have to explain to everyone. Just seems cleaner to post final choices or post your stats if you want everyone to know performance. Of course some friend groups like to share a lot so whatever makes you happy.
I understand that acceptance does not always reflect performance. Point taken.
If you don’t want to explain why you didn’t pick a top school, that’s a different issue and not one of appearing to be insensitive. Again a good point but an individual decision that is unrelated to concerns about bragging. Just a different angle.
When my S was inducted into NHS last year as a junior, the seniors received their collars that they would wear for commencement. As each person was called up, the advisor announced which college they were attending. Too much?
A wall at the school with the kids’ choices — to much?
Or is it only social media? Or is it ok to announce the final decision but not the acceptances?
How would you feel if your kid hadn’t gotten in ANYPLACE yet (when they had expected to)? Then you would think that person was kind of a jerk and a braggart to be posting in December/January about it. Hardly anyone is saying don’t post. They are saying once your kid picks a school when decisions are due late in the spring, then post it. It is just trophy bragging to post all acceptances and post early in the year.
Also, this isn’t just an issue about parents. One of the kid’s at D2’s school got wind that D2 had an EA admission at a top school where the other student thought SHE should have been accepted and D2 shouldn’t be. She was a real jerk to D2 about it to her face. D2 ended up very annoyed, and started using the coffee mug the school had sent her in class with the obnoxious kid every day just to spite her. Not very mature of D2, of course. I didn’t hear about it all until later. But D2 said afterwards that she wished she hadn’t told anyone about that acceptance. She only told her best friend, but then her best friend told other people and it got around. It ruined her casual friendship with that kid who thought they should have been accepted (who was on an academic team with her, so they interacted a lot). Was the other kid a jerk about this? Yes, but college admissions brings out the worst in many people. And my kid didn’t even end up picking that school. She said afterwards that she wishes she had kept her application list and results to herself, and just told them where she was going in the spring when final decisions were out.
She had great results – got in everyplace she applied, including some top schools. She really only talked to 1-2 people about it, and I kept pretty quiet about it as well because I know how this can go. She wishes she’d been even quieter.
“How would you feel if your kid hadn’t gotten in ANYPLACE yet (when they had expected to)? Then you would think that person was kind of a jerk and a braggart to be posting in December/January about it.”
Um, actually, no. I wouldn’t feel that way at all. I’d be happy for the kid that had some acceptances, and would worry about my own kid until her acceptances came in. People sharing good news, whether it’s college acceptances, a new house, job, vacation etc. on social media doesn’t stir anger or jealousy in me and cause me to label them a braggart. Maybe that’s just me.
This is such an exciting time for our kids. It’s exciting for me too. My daughter will be the first in my family to attend college. I took a few night classes when I was in my early 20s but that’s it. My husband (her step-father) didn’t attend college. Neither did anyone in his family. We’ve done well for ourselves, but I don’t want to see her struggle to build a career as I did. She has been set on attending college throughout her school years. She’s smart and a great student, but doesn’t have the grades for tippy top schools, nor can we afford them. Still, I am so incredibly proud of any acceptances she gets, whether to a state school or a private LAC.
Sharing news, opinions and what’s happening in our lives with friends and family on social media is exactly what it’s intended for. How others react to that news is up to them.
My older daughter applied to 5 and was accepted at 4 UK universities and I posted cute FAQs about each when she was accepted. I cannot imagine me posting “No Durham is not in North Carolina” or “St. Andrews is known as the home of golf and where Will met Kate” offended anyone.
No social media post for me. Not my news. My DD posted her final decision and wore her gear at school on decision day (May 1) when all the seniors wore their decisions. I believe at our public HS 98- 99% matriculated to a 4 year institution or trade school apprenticship program. My DD tagged me in her post with her final decision so that my friends and family could see where she was headed in the fall. Her accomplishment, her future, her news to share.
It is a very interesting conversation and to hear so many different perspectives. My friends share OUR news not our kids’ news on our FB pages. No one I know would EVER or has ever posted a report card and I don’t know anyone who posts sports stats or sports brags either. If the kids want to post those over on their pages - that might be happening but I just don’t see in on parent pages and just asked my children and they said nope - doesn’t happen. We may see family prom shot or mom/dad tagged in a child’s photos but it is just not common here for parents to post their kids’ lives as if it were their own. Yes, we are all proud of our children but as adults or soon to be adults - this is their news to share or not share. It is not our accomplishment. The majority of the kids around here do not post except for final decisions although good friends usually hear through word of mouth the acceptances as they come in. Now if that final decision is an ED or EA and it is decided, they are posted now.
I guess we just don’t see the need to FB about everything and I am thankful that our close and extended friend groups feel the same. Our close family would know about things via conversations and our neighbors and DD’s swim coach, church school teacher, and girl scout leader don’t need to know the list of schools that she was accepted to and decided not to attend. During conversations we have been asked and we have shared but it would never cross our mind to post the acceptances or blanket share on fb or instagram. I guess we see FB like the announcement time at church or the community bulletin board – if we would not stand up to share, it probably shouldn’t go on fb. Would we post the jobs she interviewed for and passed on or the prom dresses she tried on but decided were not the best fit? Many years ago there were photos of Christmas trees and stockings overflowing with presents( and the tag line “blessed”) all over FB but thankfully that too has passed. Today I have seen hundreds of family shots and holiday wishes that I have loved but not one photo of excesses of gifts and stuff as a facebrag, although I am sure all of the families out there worked hard to purchase and are proud that they can do that for their families - people just realize it is not in good taste. It would never be in good taste to post a photo of a paycheck, a raise, your end of year review, or even the letter of promotion on FB even though you worked hard for it, are extremely proud of it, and others should be happy for you. It would certainly be appropriate to post that you have a new position at work that you have decided to accept or that you have accepted a job with a new firm. That would be the same as posting the final decision of the college process. Obviously other communities and families are different and it seems more acceptable to put it all out there.
My kids did not have facebook in high school or were not active on it. There are aunts and such that would never make it to their swim meets and cross country races but seemed to really enjoy the photos.
Again, most of my FB friends/family are NOT parents of other kids at the high school. They are far flung college friends, family, etc. that would not see these pics if I didn’t share them. I like seeing pics of their kids doing their things too.
The thing is that the people doing it don’t even realize that they are being offensive.