<p>Wherever they are going to be happy and employed. I’d prefer the same town but am not hard over on that.</p>
<p>I had one living grandparent most of my life, inlaws were far away and mother died long before I married so I don’t think in terms of grandparents as a regular part of family life. Each parent had one sister so small families- not like some with tons of family for get togethers. Influenced by the lack of a lot of extended family contact- just as those immersed in family ties don’t imagine life any other way (we have neighbors whose assorted intown relatives are always coming and going).</p>
<p>More than anything, I want my children to be happy. If that means living far from my husband and I, than so be it, we can always visit. And when we visit I want to jump up and down on the beds, swing from the ceiling fans and when something breaks innocently look at them as if I had no idea my activities would cause damage. 
</p>
<p>Anyway, my husband and I have a great marriage so we have a lot of fun together and we are both very excited for the opportunities they may have after college. The only friends I have that admit wanting their children back home after college are either single, unhappy in their marriages or control freaks who always over-protected their children.</p>
<p>DB’s desire for the kids to have a “homestead” hits home with me. I grew up 700 miles from all of our relatives. After retirement, my parents returned to their home town. Now I have no connection to the town where I grew up. My in-laws still live in the house my H grew up in, still attend the same church - I’m a little jealous of that.</p>
<p>Earlier this fall, H had applied for a promotion which would have given us the option of moving to a city much closer to my relatives, and closer to my D’s college, in a less-expensive part of the country with better weather. I mentioned it to S (college senior) and he did NOT like that idea. He’s not tightly tied to his hs friends, so I was surprised that he was that wedded to us remaining in his hometown.</p>
<p>My S is a senior in college about 5 hours away, and he has no idea where he’ll end up with a job. But I think his ideal would be near home, so he could live home for a little while and save some money. We live near a major city, and he likes the area, I think he’d like to wind up in this area but he’s not totally averse to something new. </p>
<p>D is at college far away and my biggest fear is that she won’t come back. 
But I would never hold her back if that’s what she wants, and she knows that. She’s told me repeatedly that she likes that we let her make her own decisions (within reason, of course - we are her PARENTS and not her friends!) and I think that’s one reason we’re very close.</p>
<p>Like DB, I also know parents who limited how far away their kids could go to college. Most of them are “townies,” who grew up here, and their parents grew up here… D has told me that she was kind of jealous of kids whose cousins and grandparents live so nearby, since our nearest relatives are 200 miles away. So she sees the value of being close. OTOH, she chose a college 700 miles away, perhaps warm weather > being near family!</p>
<p>An advantage to living in San Diego - many (probably most) who grow up here or who live here for one reason or another find that they love it here and really don’t want to go live anywhere else. In addition, there are jobs to be had here including in the engineering area with lots of big defense contractors and commercial companies here as well as biotech, universities, etc.</p>
<p>I’m happy to have my kids end up living in this area due to my own selfishness. I know I can have them nearby and they don’t need to compromise their careers as a result and they can live in an area with lots of fun stuff to do, best weather in the country, etc. If I lived in an area with little opportunity and not much objective appeal I’d encourage them to ‘move up’ career and appeal wise.</p>
<p>We get to see working DS about a couple days every 6-8 weeks. He’s 25. He came home to get a supply of apples for a cider pressing, and tomatoes for canning, and home made bread, and pumpkins, and to see his grandmother (94 yo frail). Just like when he was in college, but now he lives 200miles away instead of 3000.</p>
<p>Well, I’m lucky, in that I have these kids who I really like, as well as love, and they are these unique, irreplacable personalities in my life, and I would love for them to live anywhere nearby, or even to come home, if they’d like. (I’m a big fan of intergenerational living. My family is only one generation removed from the family farm, etc…)</p>
<p>However, the likelihood of my two incredibly independent D’s ever moving back home is the same as my travelling to the moon. The younger might move back to the area, but the oldest will never return, doesn’t even plan on coming home this summer. Fortunately, I am not above the occaisonally trip to visit. :)</p>
<p>Where I live, commuting distance to NYC, a lot of kids work and live in the city after graduation. Some work abroad for a time, Hong Kong and London are not unusual. Some go to other cities in the US for awhile, but a lot eventually come back to buy homes and raise their families. My S says that is his plan. Who knows what will happen!</p>
<p>It would be nice if they lived nearby, but it won’t happen and we are OK with that. Oldest is living and working abroad. He loves it and keeps in touch via email and Skype. It’s too soon to say for youngest, but jobs in his field are unlikely to be anywhere around here. The oldest has a travel job with no permanent address and the younger may do field work in remote locations, so I don’t think us moving to either of their locations would even be an option, at least in the near term. Girlfriends and family may still be a decade away. </p>
<p>Neither we nor they would want to do the intergenerational living thing, except as a temporary emergency stop gap in the event of total unemployment. In that case, we would be very sympathetic and make our home as comfortable as possible until they found a job. I’m sure that would be a stressful time.</p>
<p>I think that S’s ‘dream’ jobs are not to be found close to home, so I am hoping he does not end up here. Because that would mean he was not doing as well as he’d hoped.</p>
<p>Unless he changes course in terms of his career aspirations. He is only a few hours from home at college, so it’s not like he’s gone yet. Many of his HS friends are going to school locally and his roomate is always going home on weekends. But S has been out at college since we dropped him off, he’s making a strong effort to break away from the comfort, familiarity and security of home and make a new life for himself.</p>
<p>Funny that this topic should come up now. D is a junior and is so excited - so far she’s mulling over 2 internships offers for summer 2011, with more interviews (and more offers) to come. All of these internships carry an offer of full-time employment upon graduation.</p>
<p>So, no, she’s not coming home after graduation. She’s not even coming home next summer! I knew this day was coming but it still makes me a little sad. On the one hand, I’m happy for her and so glad that her hard work has paid off; I know she’ll be in a fantastic city that’s close enough to visit (4.5 hour drive)…but still. The selfish part of me wants her down the hall, not down the road.</p>
<p>I try not to think about this too much. Mine has been effectively gone since high school. College 10 hours away. Summers of Research Fellowships and Study Abroad. Now med school 3 hard driving days away. And med school summers? Not a chance. 95% stay on campus doing research. (Most of the other 5% do research someplace else.)</p>
<p>Couple that with </p>
<ul>
<li>the “seemingly-non-random-boy” is hanging in there (and only a few hours away by car), we’ll be missing Thanksgiving (her birthday-ish), and all the short holidays. </li>
</ul>
<p>-her current career path suggests that she will be limited to a few teaching hospitals scattered around the country </p>
<p>So…it looks like part of Christmas and maybe a few days in the summer from here on out. My dream of a Hyannisport-Kennedy-esque compound here on the ranch looks like it’s out unless they hurry up and invent that Star Trek-type tele-porter thing or I find one of those worm-holes. </p>
<p>I’ll be looking. ;)</p>
<p>Though we live in a city with no family connections, as long as we are here I would be happy to have my kids living near me. Several of my siblings live in or near the city WE grew up in, and I have to admit I am envious of them having–over the years–help from our parents and each other. They are always able to attend family events (granted, sometimes too many of those in a large family.) Sisters are always telling me they “ran into so and so from school at the grocery store,” or they attended “annual local festival,” took drive to “familiar place.” Sigh. I appreciate how powerful a family network can be. And the comfort of familiar places. We’ve moved so many times. If you ask my two oldest kids, “Where are you from?” they start stuttering.</p>
<p>I don’t necessarily expect my kids to come back here–and I realize that their jobs come first. I would never “pout” or discourage them from moving far away for a job that they thought was right for them. But I would love to help with grandchildren and hope they are within driving distance when that time comes.</p>
<p>“Funny that this topic should come up now. D is a junior and is so excited - so far she’s mulling over 2 internships offers for summer 2011…”</p>
<p>My daughter is also a junior who plans to spend her summer away from home on a research internship. That was probably in the back of my mind when I posted this question. We’ll miss her but we’re also excited for her opportunities, which don’t exist in our sleepy, Irvingesque hometown.</p>
<p>I guess I have been on CC too long and I am super grouchy. These posts are all hypothetical unless you have BTDT. (Been there done that). I know what I wished/wanted has not come to fruition yet. Our S is home and not by anyone’s choice. Jobs for kids with undergrad degrees are scarce right now in case anyone hadn’t heard.
What I want or wish isn’t relevant to the current situation.</p>
<p>I was born, raised and went to college in Massachusetts. I took a job right out of college in southern California where I worked for 35 years. All my family lives within 50 miles of Boston, except me. My wife is from the mid-west and she also has no family in SoCal. </p>
<p>You certainly do miss most the family events, kids don’t get to know their grandparents as well, etc. Really hit home a few times; when I had a very sick baby and needed family to comfort and help us. My parents came out right away, but it was still 36 hours later. Got the call that my mother was dying from cancer and come home right away. We did get to see her before she passed but she was so out of it from the pain medication that it was tough to see. </p>
<p>My son is a senior this year and he is casting a wide net to find a job. Could land anywhere. I am OK with that in that his first priority is to start his career as best he can. Job market is tough and I’ll be thankfull if he gets a good job.</p>
<p>Daughter is a freshman in college and is going to a school in Massachusetts. Hard on me and my wife especially to have her so far away, but she does see the relatives at times. And they are there is there is an emergency.</p>
<p>Being far away is a little easier these days with all the means of communication including Skype. We try to video phone at least once a week with my daughter.</p>
<p>So being far away from family is doable, but it has it’s price.</p>
<p>All things being equal, I would love for my kids to be close enough to visit easily, but I would be okay if they found happiness elsewhere. We have a several generations of extended family close-by, and everybody really loves it. I feel sorry for young families I know who have no grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins in their lives. Still, I guess that kids should follow their dreams, even if their dreams take them far away.</p>
<p>Of course I do, but it would be selfish to force him to. He has his own life (or at least will, once he becomes financially independent) and I’ve never expected him to stay with me forever. I want him to make his own choices-- if he wants to come back and settle here, I’m all for it, but if not, I’ll still support anything he does.</p>
<p>Helen, are yours 3 years old? lol None of that sounds that familiar to me. At least not this century at least. ;)</p>
<p>Whatever our children decide is fine with us. We are not here to dictate and control them, we are here to support them in their decision. When our S. decided to live in most undesirable place by our taste, we did not say anything, neither his wife’s parents. We cannot move, we both work and have no plans to retire ever. We will work until we are kicked out, that hopefully means for many years (or maybe not, it is not under our control).</p>