<p>He has been my roommate since September and I still can't figure him out. When I first met him I didn't think much of the fact that he didn't have friends, since he was new to college and all that, but it's already February and he still doesn't have friends! I have tried to get him involved in extracurricular activities but he haughtily tells me that he prefers his own company and that he is not the type of person who likes to hang out with people. I can forgive him for being a loner, but then again, all he does during his free time is stay in our dorm room sleeping or browsing the internet. He is not involved in any club, he doesn't play any sport, he doesn't have a part time job, he doesn't volunteer anywhere, he does nothing! I don't see him studying a lot, except perhaps the day before exams, but, interestingly, contrary to my initial predictions about his academic performance, his name actually made it to the honor roll, so his grades are obviously not suffering too much, if at all, from his apathetic attitude towards college and life in general.</p>
<p>I hope I am not sounding like I am being unfairly critical of my roommate, but there are so many things about him that I find disconcerting that I just don't know what to make of him. His interpersonal skills... I mean, did that guy grow up in a cave? My 10-year-old brother is already more articulate and socially functional than that guy, a college student from a Top 25 school! Proof that I am not exaggerating about my roommate's social abilities is the fact that I have had plenty of friends come into our dorm room during the last six months and not one of them has not asked me what's wrong with my roommate. I never know what to tell them.</p>
<p>My roommate is a nice guy and a good student, a man of few words, but inarticulate, embarrassingly introverted, socially awkward, occasionally arrogant, and doesn't seem to take care too much about anything. If you saw him walking down the street you might think he is normal, but sit down with him and talk to him for a few seconds and you'll find there is something a little off with him. I just want to know what's going on with him so I can at least know whether I should help or step aside. Do you guys think I should talk to a university counselor regarding my roommate or should I just start counting the number of days till May?</p>
<p>It sounds as if you have been kind and considerate to him and you care about him-However, I would be more concerned that you take care of yourself; Enjoy your friends, spend time outside of the room I think it is nice of you to ask your roommate to join you once in a while (he'll probably say no) and you can talk to your RA about him-but you might not be able to change this guy too much.</p>
<p>I had a roommate very similar to yours except mine failed all his classes and dropped out of school, (thankfully). I hated it so much that whenever I go back from class, there he was on the computer or sleeping. It was so annoying that he was always there. I did try talking to him more but we just didn't get along. He was kind of dull and not the person I'd be friends with.</p>
<p>Anyway..I would just keep doing what you're doing and hold it out.</p>
<p>I'm kind of the same way, an introvert who likes being alone/ is shy. I'd say if he's happy doing what he's doing, I'd leave him alone or at least not be bothered yourself by it, some people are just like that. If he seems unhappy, try and prod him into coming out with you once, and see if you can get him out and about.</p>
<p>Dude I had the exact same situation earlier this year. My first roommate fall semester was sort of (for lack of a better term) a loner. He didn't talk to nobody, all he did was surf the internet, sit in the room 24/7, etc. Then three weeks into school he wasn't in the room for three straight days. I knew that something was wrong so I told the RA. After a long investigation I found out that he was in the campus mental facility because he had stop taking medicine for depression. He also apparently made threats to hurt some people, and eventually my locks had to get changed as a precaution. He eventually got kicked off campus, and it was really awkward when his mom came to get his things. If I were you I would watch you're roommate really close, he might need professional help. But there is always the possibility that the guy just likes being by himself, and it shouldn't bother you if thats the way he wants to live. The thing that sucks about living with a guy like that is that it sort of affects you. Like I didn't like being in the room with him and I would sort of avoid going back to the dorm if I could. If your roommate makes your atmosphere depressing, then talk to the RA. I hate making this sort of all about me but by replacement roommate was quiet, stayed in the room 24/7 also, so then I switched to another room, and my current roommate doesn't say anything either. So I'm 0/3 my first year in college with roommates who keep to themselves and don't like interacting with people.</p>
<p>Agreed with the previous posts, this guy might just be a loner who doesn't like to open up easily to people. Maybe in his own world he has tons of activities and things going on, but you just don't see them.</p>
<p>There is only so much you can do. Talk to an RA and see if there are anymore steps you can take. If not, I would let this guy be and continue to live your own life.</p>
<p>If this is the way he has been since Day 1, then I wouldn't be too concerned. If he started out happy and outgoing and then changed to this personality, I'd be more concerned. Continue being accepting of him. Listen to him if he decides to open up. Understand that this may simply be his "normal" personality.</p>
<p>Co-exist until the end of the year. Make plans for a new roommate for next year (if that's what you want). When your school starts the housing process for next semester (usually sometime in late Feb. or March), let him know that you plan on rooming with your friend next year.</p>
<p>He doesn't seem that unusual, actually. There are several people who earnestly enjoy being alone - a lot of people find that concept absolutely unfathomable. I assume because he enjoys being alone, he probably doesn't/wouldn't have the typical social skills or would be socially awkward.</p>
<p>As long as he doesn't appear extremely depressed, suicidal, plotting to kill you - etc, then leave him be. Sometimes I act the same way that he does and can't tell you how irritating it is when you have some random person constantly trying to force you to be more social and play the pity card.</p>
<p>He'll come around when he's ready. But, if he seems consistently unhappy, then you might have a legitimate concern.</p>
<p>Maybe he has avoidant personality disorder? This is what I have. I yearn social interaction but I won't let myself have any because I don't think I'm worthy enough. It's not something someone chooses to have, and I can tell you, no matter how much you want to change it, you can't.</p>
<p>Comments like "My 10-year-old brother is already more articulate" and "did that guy grow up in a cave?" don't help much, and they can be absolutely devastating if overheard.</p>
<p>So, if he does have this, don't be too forceful on him because he'll just end up feeling more inadequate. Just be friendly and supportive and maybe he'll open up some more. :)</p>
<p>Wow you sound like a real jerk from your post. Just leave him alone. If he doesn't want to join a club or meet new people, it doesn't mean that he has a mental disability. I think that you need a reality check and realize how introverted some people can be. Just mind your own business and leave the poor man alone.</p>
<p>Well, I don't think the OP is a jerk...there's a difference between not liking clubs and just not liking people in general, the latter, depending on the degree, something which one might think about a bit!! </p>
<p>I never have liked clubs, but I like my close group of friends a ton. I think the OP is being caring...people can be introverted, yes, but it depends on the degree. And I've seen plenty of introverts to be able to speak of it.</p>
<p>Just because he is an introvert does not really mean he has problems socially. I have a friend (I am one of his small group of friends) who likes to do things by himself. He is smart and funny, but he will never try to go out and meet people unless there is a threat to his existence otherwise lol. </p>
<p>I agree with some of the other people. If your roommate is comfy with his social life, leave him alone! You might actually hurt him (even though I know you really want to help him). Unless he is a serious misanthrope who hates humans or something, don't stress out too much about him. Just take him to the movies lol.</p>
<p>^ He won't come with me to the movies. The times I invited him he accused me of patronizing him. He told me that he resents my efforts to get him to open up because the message I convey is that I perceive him to be defective. That's just the way he is. You can't really argue with him because he interprets everything his own way and he always wins.</p>
<p>"Wow you sound like a real jerk from your post. Just leave him alone. If he doesn't want to join a club or meet new people, it doesn't mean that he has a mental disability. I think that you need a reality check and realize how introverted some people can be. Just mind your own business and leave the poor man alone."</p>
<p>Actually, you sound like the real jerk here. The OP has every right to be concerned and take action with his roomate -- someone he'll have to live with for months to come. It's a serious and fairly common issue that should be dealt with accordingly.</p>
<p>I have to ask the OP, what is your roomate's intended major? Suggest he cross teaching, business, and any other sociable-required major off the list if he doesn't agree to seek help. Otherwise, schedule both of you an appointment with a counsellor of sorts -- your RA, school counsellor, local professional, or all three. This problem needs to be addressed and he needs to come out with what's holding him back as soon as possible to prevent any sudden extreme incidents, such as those CCers mentioned in their horror stories. Employers won't be thrilled either (he may look good on paper, but because his self-proclaimed "personality" isn't right for so many elementary jobs, he's as good as dead -- nevermind making an impression in an interview). He will have to learn how to put his shy ways aside just like the rest of us when he makes that huge leap into the real world. College is one of the best places to start -- thank heavens you, his roomate, recognizes it! </p>
<p>There are several self-improvement books out there. Many of these go directly into sociality. Pick one up for him; the things D and an F of mine learned from those gems helped them tremendously become the more well-rounded individuals they are today. Best of luck -- you will need it.</p>
<p>"I have to ask the OP, what is your roomate's intended major? Suggest he cross teaching, business, and any other sociable-required major off the list if he doesn't agree to seek help. "</p>
<p>He is a Physics/Chemistry double major, or maybe a Physics major and a Chemistry minor. I am not sure, but he is into those subjects.</p>
<p>"Otherwise, schedule both of you an appointment with a counsellor of sorts -- your RA, school counsellor, local professional, or all three."</p>
<p>I don't want to offend him. I mean, I am not even sure he understands he has a problem.</p>
<p>"There are several self-improvement books out there. Many of these go directly into sociality. Pick one up for him; the things D and an F of mine learned from those gems helped them tremendously become the more well-rounded individuals they are today."</p>
<p>I told him he could borrow my copy of How to Win Friends but he didn't seem very thrilled by my offer :)</p>
<p>Scheduling an appointment seems a little overboard...how would you feel if your roomie was like, "I think you're crazy. i'm gonna take you to a counselor." I know you won't put it that way, but that's basically what you're saying if you do that. </p>
<p>Has he done anything to offend you? threatened you? said something really sketchy to you? if not, I think a counselor is overboard, but I agree he sounds kinda weird and I wouldn't want him as a roomie. Why don't you introduce him to some of your friends? Ask him to tag along when you guys go out? </p>
<p>What does he do all day - you said he doesn't have friends or activities but he doesn't study a lot....so what does he do? lol...just sleep and go online?</p>
<p>"Has he done anything to offend you? threatened you? said something really sketchy to you?"</p>
<p>He just seems resentful because of my multiple attempts to help him. Most of the time he is cool, though.</p>
<p>"Why don't you introduce him to some of your friends? Ask him to tag along when you guys go out? "</p>
<p>The last time I invited him to tag along he told me that if he was that needy he would go out and make friends. One time last year I actually managed to get him to come with my friends and I to the dining hall, but he was so quiet and looked so uncomfortable that I actually felt embarrassed for him.</p>
<p>"What does he do all day - you said he doesn't have friends or activities but he doesn't study a lot....so what does he do? lol...just sleep and go online?"</p>