<p>Federal loans (subsized and non-) are in the student’s name, PLUS loans are in the parents’ name, correct??</p>
<p>Don’t try to “get” other people’s choices. You never have the whole story. You don’t know where they come from that would make that choice. Perhaps there is a reason they won’t invest in their child’s schooling. Perhaps he hasn’t been a consistent student and when it comes down to it, they’d rather poor the money into a kitchen they’ll live the rest of their life with than educating a kid they suspect will goof-off, not finish, whatever. Maybe he’s been a good student but a jerk at home. Maybe they asked him to make different college choices better suited for the budget and he refused. It’s hard to say.</p>
<p>Sure, we’ve seen lots of kids and their families do things that seemed crazy to us in regards to paying for college. I know people who think we are crazy just allowing our 17-year-old to move across the country for college. The school costs 57K a year but most would have no idea that we are actually paying less than we would had she stayed at an instate public college due to merit and grants. We don’t really talk money with others unless they are in a similar situation and outright ask. </p>
<p>One of my friends has a son in law school. Their agreement calls for the son (who has proven to be a responsible student) to borrow as much as he can and the father will pay off the debt when he’s finished. His rationale is that his investments has a higher return than the cost of the loan so far, so he’s coming ahead. On the other hand S1 graduated college w/o debt, refused to go to law school, is gainfully employed and we are still waiting to redo our imperfectly fine kitchen (you know, he may change his mind). Oh, well.</p>
<p>The only time someone else’s spending priorities become one’s own business is if they openly disclose it to you AND ESPECIALLY if they’re coming to ask you for a loan. </p>
<p>If it’s a loan request, their finances effectively do become your business as it is vital in evaluating whether one should extend the loan or not…and whether it will actually help said friend or end up enabling him/her in continuing a pattern of making poor financial decisions. </p>
<p>Sometimes the person not getting priority is a close relative (niece or nephew), brother or sister, a very close friend of your kid. It is hard to not help a kid to whom you are very close. It’s an uncomfortable spot. It’s like adoption on some level. Parents should not be putting other adults in the position of caring for their kids if at all possible. If you have any vested interest (like a heart) it DOES become your problem. </p>
<p>I’ve witnessed–building a pool (back in the time when a pool could pay for 4 years), buying cars, RV’s, motorcycles, TV’s, adult toys actually, as priorities over any savings for college. Not just savings over years–the money was there–we are talking–“next year the kid is supposed to start college”–time for a toy. So sorry, kid–maybe you can get a loan. If we sign for it but hey! we just used up all that good? credit! Too bad. Get a loan or find a soft heart.</p>
<p>It’s disgusting. And their kids weren’t slackers or morons–they were excellent students who had a lot more going on than their slacker parents.</p>
<p>Old saying…don’t count other people’s money.</p>
<p>I had 1 mom pull her troubled child from therapy because she could not afford the co-fee, and husband had just bought himself a motorcycle. The uncle, a psychiatrist, offered to pay the co-fee, but the husband still refused. </p>
<p>Yet a mental health counselor I worked with made the decision to send her HS daughter to an expensive year long residential school. She knew she was using money intended for college, but rationalized that without treatment, her DD may never live to see college. </p>
<p>So, maybe the H didn’t think the therapy was helping and was a waste of money. People just have different values sometimes and usually outsiders don’t have enough information to judge, anyway.</p>
<p>gouf, really–there’s a lot you don’t know. Maybe the grandparents paid for the pool. Maybe the parents are just philosophically opposed to paying for college after raising their kids for 18 years (what do they say that costs now? $250K?). Maybe one parent has a terminal illness and his/her dying wish is to see the US in an RV. The point is, you just don’t know. </p>
<p>I find it oddly heartwarming that here on CC, people try so hard to find a sensible explanation for the decisions of others, no matter how outwardly stupid they seem to be. I find it less heartwarming that it always seems necessary to reprove people for commenting on the actions of others when it has no impact whatsoever on the anonymous people being discussed. What’s the point of an anonymous message board if we can’t engage in such discussions?</p>
<p>To add my own interpretation of this case: by far the most likely explanation for financial decisions that don’t seem well thought-out is that they simply weren’t well thought-out. I myself make such decisions all the time.</p>
<p>People’s priorities are different, even within the same family. I do try not to count other people’s money and this probably belongs in the “Get it Off Your Chest” thread, but here goes - BIL and his wife thought we were nuts to pay for Catholic school for our children (my parents helped, btw), but they have at least two of every blue collar status symbol known to mankind. Seriously, who needs three campers? BIL was laid off from his job and collected unemployment until he turned 62 and went on Social Security. SIL quit her job (she’s 61) but she may return to work eventually. Meanwhile, they’re making payments on at least one vehicle (they have four) and God only knows what else. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite them eventually, but I really think it will. </p>
<p>When passing judgement on the various expenditures of others, where does one draw the line? Neighbors have 4 kids < 12 and just put in a pool last year. Should they not have done that? Should they deny themselves EVERY possible pleasure from the time kid 1 is born until they are all out of college? Never go out to dinner? never take a family vacation? buy all clothes at goodwill? and what about the decision to even HAVE 4 kids? wouldn’t it make more financial sense to stop at 1?</p>
<p>Some people seem to pride themselves on having lived under a bridge in a cardboard box eating grubs for 25 years, but they go beyond pride right into self-righteousness.</p>
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I don’t draw the line anywhere when passing judgment on anonymous/hypothetical people. It’s just a discussion topic. It’s a different story for somebody that I have the ability to influence.</p>
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<p>Yeah, but it would be more pleasant if you didn’t honk your car horn at me as you drove by on your way to work every morning. </p>
<p>sally305–actually I do know all too well–otherwise I wouldn’t have said it. I’m usually pretty good at giving people the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p>Wait a minute - YOU have a cardboard box? We have to make do with old newspapers and an occasional plastic dry cleaning bag. </p>
<p>You know, if you hadn’t spent that money on a box you could have sent your kid to Yale after all. 
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<p>Reminds me of the Monty Python skit on Luxury. I’d link it but it’s youtube. </p>
<p>My neighbor, who has opened up to me about her finances, cannot afford anything more than community college for her kids - which I could understand, if she didn’t have - 5 cars (an new Audi SUV, a Mustang convertable, a Camry, a year old pick-up truck, a vintage Charger, plus a motorcycle and there are only two drivers in her family (her and her daughter -who drives only the Camry.) </p>
<p>She just sold her home (I know what she got for it and know what she owned) and bought a farmhouse on 30 acres which needs major remodeling (she took me to see it so I know.) That is after the $10K she has to pay to get rid of the bats in the attic! I know what she paid for it - less than what she sold her house for, but this new house needs at least $100K to get it liveable. </p>
<p>The truck she is saving for her son when he gets his license - which he can’t right now because she cannot afford the increase in auto insurance. </p>
<p>Her H died last year and there was some insurance, but not much. </p>
<p>I would never say anything to her about not having priorities in right place so I just smile and nod when she tells me this stuff. </p>
<p>Frnakly, I do not get you, OP. You totally contradict yourself, saying: "I know it’s their choice, their money. But I really don’t get it’ So which one is it? You do not care because it is truly their money or you relly care because you are planning to advise them? If neither is true, then I am completely confused about the meanning of this thread, I am lost.<br>
To even more amze you, I can tell you that we have been deeping into our retirement to pay a kid’s tuition. You will not get it at all, because the money are much much higher, $40k and $80k is nothing in comparison…and we are going to dig even much more dough for the second home. I do not think that your example comes anywhere near. But as you said, somebody’s money (or lack of) should not be bothering anybody else as well as somebody’s priorities as long as they are legal, correct? On the other hand, somebody out there “do not get us”, I am sure of it. It is simply funny!!!</p>
<p>I, myself, find it fascinating to try to figure out other people’s strange doings.</p>