<p>This whole thread now sounds fishy to me. </p>
<p>I’m beginning to understand your parents’ change of mind.</p>
<p>How does it sound fishy??
My parents promised and broke that promise. Simple as that.</p>
<p>If your parents overpromised and underdelivered, shame on them.</p>
<p>But if you are changing or exaggerating your story (with respect to parental income/wealth, promises, and financial aid), or letting others use your account, shame on you.</p>
<p>(The above are not necessarily mutually exclusive.)</p>
<p>I’m not exaggerating. I just wanted parent opinions on whether what they were doing is fair. My cousin used it because he didn’t want to make an account himself and it was already logged into my phone.</p>
<p>Many years ago, I applied to a “best fit” Top 20 university with my parents’ knowledge and consent, and was accepted. My parents could easily afford tuition too, refused to do the financial aid forms, stating it was unnecessary and invasive, and had provided check payment for application. When it was time to pay enrollment deposit, however, they refused to allow me to confirm enrollment, stating: “it’s too much to pay for a girl; you can’t go”. In May, I belatedly applied to a Tier 3 local school and commuted from home, heartbroken by my parents’ decision. I was an excellent student, obedient kid, no disciplinary issues, etc. No way would I’ve qualified for financial aid. Yes it’s unfair, I agree, for your parents to withdraw their approval at this very late date in application process. Had I applied ED back then, I’d have been in exactly same situation as you are now, through no fault of my own.</p>
<p>I “unfortunately didn’t resist their decision enough”, I later was told. For you, I would advise presenting a well-reasoned argument in favor of your ED choice, including the long-term benefit of enrolling at your 1st choice school. In hindsight, I should have mightily resisted their short-sighted and random decision. (A younger sib went to same school several years later with no parental resistance.) Also realize that you’re likely to encounter further disagreements with your parents regarding their control over you. You don’t necessarily need to let “cultural expectations” dominate your decisions, but likely they will remain a strong influence until you’re fully independent of your parents and family. Best wishes.</p>
<p>Hmmmm… So when you posted on March 14th that you were accepted to Brandeis was that your “cousin” too or was that you? If you did Columbia ED then all your applications would have been withdrawn, probably much earlier than March 14th. Many long time posters, as standard operating procedure, do look back at a poster’s history, if things do not sound right. </p>
<p>Families making over a million dollars annually typically use a CPA to do their tax returns, and do not rely on an 18 year old son or daughter to do their tax return. I work for a CPA, with that much of an income, you would engage a tax professional.</p>
<p>Assuming your parents really do have a seven-figure income, their position with respect to you is unfortunate, but reality. I agree with those who have commented on the fact that you applied ED and didn’t withdraw your UC applications. It is unethical for you to go forward. Since you really don’t want to go to UC schools, I think a gap year might be helpful. You could participate in a community service program like City Year (there’s one in NYC) or you could work for a year. Either way, I think it would demonstrate to your parents that you are serious about wanting to attend Columbia. City Year also provides around $5-6K for alumni that they can use for college tuition after they’ve finished their service commitment.</p>
<p>centennial13 -</p>
<p>You choices look to be:</p>
<p>1) Continue to fight with your parents about the Columbia admission, and see if you can bring them around (remembering of course that they are currently shelling out something in the range of $120,000 each year for your siblings college and Med School, and whatever other financial obligations they have to other extended family members).</p>
<p>2) Accept the money and commute to a local U or CC.</p>
<p>3) Take a gap year, make some money, and reapply to colleges and universities that will throw big merit money at you. If you have the grades and test scores for Columbia, there are places that you could attend for free, or with nothing more than federal loans and a summer job.</p>
<p>Personally, if you are fed up with your parents, I’d recommend #3. Not owing them for your education will be liberating. Down the line when they “collect” on your siblings, you won’t have to feel that you “owe” your parents anything. Anything that you do for them will be because you choose to do so freely and from your heart.</p>
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<p>Unless you have a business contract you have no Right for anyone to give you a quarter million bucks. If the parents are treating her differently because she is a girl I really doubt this is the first time this distinction has been visible. They didnt come to this view overnight of traditional role models. </p>
<p>If she is trying to solve the problem of having the Internet outvote her parents and give her free money, good luck to her. If she wants to solve the problem of her parents not trusting her behavior 3000 miles away, she should work on that. Maybe there is a relative in NY who could be her guardian and keep an eye on her.</p>
<p>I am so sorry. I have dealt with this my whole life, and am from an “old New England family.” Many cultures favor boys.</p>
<p>It also sounds like your culture prefers continued protection for females, and wonder if your parents are afraid of you leaving home in that context.</p>
<p>Did you get into Columbia University in NYC? Or Columbia College in Chicago?</p>
<p>If Columbia in NYC, I would at least try to talk with your parents, perhaps with an intermediary (guidance counselor or perhaps even a therapist) and see if you can get across to them the benefits of attending such an excellent university. ( I don’t know the status of your ED and it sounds as if you have already said no. So if that is true, this suggestion may not be relevant anymore, but you could talk to Columbia about reapplying, and inform them of your situation.)</p>
<p>Once you are 24 and not a dependent, financial aid will be determined by your own income. That is a long time to wait so I hope you end up at a place you like no matter what happens with your parents’ support, relative to gender.</p>
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<p>No one is arguing that the parents do not have full control over the situation.</p>
<p>That does not mean that anyone has to approve, or that because someone has the right to make and then break a promise that it is right for someone to do so.</p>
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<p>If they let her apply to Columbia early decision and then changed their mind later, that does not look like a long term considered decision.</p>
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<p>No one is expecting that.</p>
<p>It is probably already too late for her; she is probably going to community college (unless she finds a late application date full ride scholarship somewhere or decides to do something else like join the military). But her younger sister can observe the situation and make plans accordingly.</p>
<p>I think we are only getting part of the story. I dont believe that she had no inkling that her parents supported traditional roles for girls. </p>
<p>I am going to bet that there is a lot more to the bf situation that they dont even want them on the same coast.</p>
<p>*They want me to go to UCR or UCI, not even UCSD. *</p>
<p>Sounds like you live in the area of those two campuses and your parents want/expect you to come home frequently? Like maybe every weekend? </p>
<p>You say that your bro had a baby at 18? And this one went off to a pricey college? Maybe they’re worried that a D getting pregnant would have different results?</p>
<p>Arbg may be right. Or, it may be the boyfriend is an alien from outer space. Not that arby guesses are far-fetched, but that I feel it only fair for me to answer the Op’s question based on the info she gave us(as I said back in post 6).
The op asked about the fairness of parents that had promised a free 4 yr education for all 4 kids, but now that one has been accepted ED, the parents are reneging because that 3rd child is a girl.
Clearly, if the info provided isn’t complete or accurate, then the advice gleaned is skewed.</p>