<p>This weekend we fly our Daughter to Boston. Im so proud of her but will miss her tremendously. My Mother just had major surgery (Whipple) and Dr. says 5 year survival rate is 10% for pancreatic cancer. I have to pull myself together because I still have a 15 year old and husband to raise </p>
<p>I would appreciate any words of wisdom, websites, books that got others through tough times.</p>
<p>So sorry, the Serenity Prayer helps me in times like these.</p>
<p>This is such a hard time for you. I’m so sorry. </p>
<p>I have had very painful events coincide, I found it useful to separate them as though they seem to together, they are separate in time for me to deal with them. Maybe you will find it helpful to focus on one at a time. So, for example, focus on getting your daughter settled and with time, you will be okay with her being away (everyone seems to get used to it!). Turn your energy then toward your mom (which will help distract you about your daughter being away). She’ll get her energy back, and likely she’ll have at least several good years left (and who knows, maybe even more than 5!..someone gets to be the 10%!). </p>
<p>You do not have to do it all at once…step at a time. You will be shocked at how strong you turn out to be. Most of us have no idea until we are faced with such challenges. </p>
<p>I have found this book to be really useful when I went through a similarly painful period in my life:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/0380603926[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/When-Things-Happen-Good-People/dp/0380603926</a></p>
<p>TexasCollegeMom, so sorry you are going through this. A good friend of mine was helping me through a tough time with my ill parent and she told me, “God never gives us more than we can handle.”. It is my mantra when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I hope it helps you.</p>
<p>My prayers are with you. May I suggest that you read some of the postings by sunriseeast on her “advanced cancer” thread. While you will be touched emotionally, I hope that you will gain some strength and wisdom from her very beautiful posts.</p>
<p>Texascollegemom - my heart goes out to you as I know what it is like to be hit with the double whammies. My husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, which also has a low survival rate, late last year. Then in May my elderly Mum broke her hip. She has not recovered well from it physically or mentally and I just returned from spending a couple of weeks in England helping my brother find and move her into a care home. There have been times this year when I have felt my life is spiraling out of control.</p>
<p>One of the things that has helped me a lot in dealing with the cancer is joining the cancer survivors network website. It has different discussion sections for different types of cancers. I have found very useful information there, but more importantly have found a network of wonderful support from people dealing with the same cancer. Although real life friends have been supportive, having people who are dealing with exactly the same issues has been an absolute lifesaver. There are a couple of us who have exchanged phone numbers and call and text each other when we really need some extra support.</p>
<p>Yes, join a survivors group. There are groups for families, parents, children. One good thing is you are able to talk with people in that specific area instead of feeling that this issue is taking over your “regular” friendships and relationships. That gives you a sense of control with compartmentalization. </p>
<p>And remember, you kid will love Boston. Great place to be young. That just reminded me the kids will be flocking back. We’re already seeing vast numbers of out-of-state drivers trying to figure out the roads. I saw a car from, I think, PA actually stopping where the pieces of Storrow Drive come together. Holy cow!</p>
<p>I will be honest: adrenalin has gotten me through many hard times, sometimes with multiple things going on at once. The challenge is when things are chronic or relatively long-lasting.</p>
<p>I think you will probably do fine with the immediate crisis with your mother, and your daughter leaving, but it is smart to be wondering about long term changes and losses, ahead of time.</p>
<p>I have found that letting off steam to a counselor or therapist can be helpful. Many times, friends and family seem to not be up to the task, during these times, and relationships can get affected. So having a person who is outside of your life, like a counselor, can help.</p>
<p>The suggestion of finding support in groups and/or online has similar virtues, and the connections you build will help you as you go through these transitions.</p>
<p>I hope you have siblings who are helping with your mother and wish you luck in helping her, dealing with the illness, while at the same time missing your daughter.</p>
<p>Boston is a wonderful city, despite the confusion of Storrow Drive!</p>
<p>Texascollegemom, you have my heartfelt sympathy. My own mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two months after I had a new born and I had a 2 year old toddler. My kids never knew their grandmother. My advice is to concentrate on spending available time with your mother if you can, because all the rest of the people in your life (your kids and husband) will survive.
I try to be active in raising consciousness for pancreatic cancer research, survival rate has not improved since my mother’s diagnosis 25+ years ago. It’s hard to advocate for more funding when there are no pancreatic cancer survivors.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. My husband was diagnosed with a Stage IV cancer when we had just moved to a new town and my kids were 3 and 9 months old. I thought of joining a support group but I was working full time and didn’t want to take any time away from my family. </p>
<p>I think now that was a mistake – I would have benefited from talking to other people going through the same thing. Your friends (real and on CC) are good, but there’s nothing like people who understand the fear a cancer diagnosis can bring.</p>