So, my life completely fell apart- just in time for Christmas. Advice?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello, I feel like this may be the best place to go because I know CC parents are very involved and know a lot of different options and such. And also I have absolutely no one in my life who could relate, and I really just want to be able to tell someone whats on my mind.</p>

<p>Alright, I had some pretty high hopes. I am that kid who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks but worked even harder because of it. Kept pushing through all the struggles because I realized long ago I didn't want the life that society had already marked me for.</p>

<p>So I spent all highschool getting straight As and taking the best classes and studying hard and doing activities, while holding a part time job. Now I'm a senior with a full time job and a questbridge finalist who will be applying to colleges through questbridge through regular decision.</p>

<p>Well I have almost seven thousand dollars in savings from working since the tenth grade and never spending any of what I made except to buy a car, and pay for gas, car insurance, and cell phone bill. While other kids were coming into school with starbucks and new clothes, I was coming in hungry and wearing the same things I've worn since middle school. But I was perfectly fine with depriving myself, because college was the goal.</p>

<p>Well, my mother lost her job. And her company fought her for the unemployment so she won't get any. She just got surgery done on her feet and walks in a crippled way, so the hopes for her getting a job any time soon are very small. My two older siblings (ages 21 and 23) have already moved out and can barely afford to take care of their children while paying rent, so no help there. We have absolutely no family to help us, we're immigrants from the ghettos of Germany.</p>

<p>So, she's already asked me for help. And I know this is where it all goes downhill. I can already see all the money I saved for college vanishing, and me pulling double shifts half the week just to make ends meet. Forget college, will I even be able to finish high school? I mean this really does seem to be it. Is there anything I can do? If I don't start taking out of my savings and working more, we'll be on the street in no time. If I do take out my savings and start working more, I say goodbye to all of my hopes and all the time I spent trying so hard has gone to waste.</p>

<p>Often times I feel like we live life just to have great opportunities dangled in front of our eyes and then snatched away. :/</p>

<p>What makes it even worse is I was so close to applying, and now I'm not even sure if it's worth it. I was going to apply to Amherst, University of VA, Pomona, Swarthmore, Oberlin, Emory, and maybe Penn and Columbia through questbridge. But through out going on this site and through other research I've realized those schools are really hard to get into. I don't feel like I have any chance left, especially since I spend all my time working now and I have yet to start the supplements.</p>

<p>I just feel terrible and needed to rant. >.< Does anyone have any advice though? Or can anyone relate? I would appreciate anything really. Am I being over dramatic? Should I just get over my dreams and make it work and do community college later on? Or am I missing something? It's honestly just nice to get this off my chest.</p>

2

<p>First of all I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with all of this. It’s a lot for anyone to handle, never mind someone still in high school. </p>

<p>Your best way out is through education. I’m not that familiar with Questbridge, but can you reach out to some of their staff, your guidance office, local religious organizations & see if you can get some short term help.</p>

<p>There is an amazing young woman on CC by the screen name of Applicannot who is currently in college. I think a PM to her might help you brainstorm some ideas.</p>

3

<p>You should definitely do your applications NOW. That should be your #1 priority. Definitely apply to the deep pockets schools, as well as to some in-state alternatives. </p>

<p>It sounds as if your mother should be able to get some public assistance, possibly disability, food stamps, heating oil, etc. She needs to go to the local office that deals with such things. They will know what is available for financially-stressed families in your area and help her apply. In the mean time, if you can help relieve some financial pressure on the family with some of your savings, that is a good thing. </p>

<p>If I were you I would sell the car and ditch the cell phone instead of working more. I think those are large, unnecessary expenses for a HS kid. Working more hours in order to pay for a car instead of doing college applications and keeping up your academics is a textbook example of skewed priorities. But it is your choice.</p>

4

<p>nattillee - Please apply to college. The next few weeks will see a window move quickly on your time to apply as a freshman admit with the most financial and merit aid possible. In many cases you can defer a year if necessary. Don’t think ‘I won’t be able to go if I get in’, you have to put in those applications!</p>

<p>You obviously have a strong sense of yourself and what you want to do in life. Education is the best way you can continue to help your family and yourself gain greater economic security in the long run. I am not familiar with the questbridge program specifically, however I know it gives great opportunities to many students. You may want to focus your search to schools that meet 100% of demonstrated need. This will be different for each school.</p>

<p>Do get in touch with your GC tomorrow and let them know, as well as the social worker at your school. They need to know this is a factor sooner rather than later. You can count on their discretion.</p>

5

<p>Looking at your other posts, I think you have a great chance at a Questbridge college!! finding a way of getting your applications out is the key to getting out.</p>

<p>It will be hard, but in the fall you’ll have a whole new beginning. Make sure to tell your story though your essays the way you did here. Good luck!,</p>

6

<p>There are many programs your family will qualify for provided you are legal immigrants (and some even if you aren’t) Your mother has to take full advantage of these even if her job decided not to give her severance that is NOT the same thing as unemployment. Unemployment is through the government. </p>

<p>Apply to colleges now. Add a few cheaper options to your list just in case, and make sure to contact the school’s financial aid offices about your new situation. Your FAFSA probably won’t reflect what has happened at all, but a lot of schools will take these thing into consideration (especially the type you are applying to)</p>

<p>If you don’t need the car, sell it, but you probably do to get to work.</p>

7

<p>Take this one day at a time. You absolutely must submit your college applications. Those are some wonderful schools on your list and if you can get in I suspect you will get a lot of financial aid in order to attend.</p>

<p>Look at it this way, I know you are worried about providing for your mother but she is probably worried about providing for you also. At the very least if you are attending one of these schools they will be providing you with food and shelter which your financial aid will be covering. Further, these schools have experience with students whose need is extreme, like yours. If you run into some hardship there might be someone there who can help. So if you are attending one of these schools your mother won’t have to worry about providing for you.</p>

<p>In the short run it might look like you have to give up college to respond to this immediate crisis but in the long run an education is your ticket to really be able to help your family.</p>

8

<p>I second your sending a private message to Applicannot. She is an amazing young woman who has walked in your shoes and she would be a good resource for you.</p>

9

<p>nattilee,
I previously replied to your “chances” post on the Swarthmore thread. You are a wonderful candidate for any of these schools and you should make finishing your applications a priority. I am not that familiar with Questbridge application sequence, but I second what the poster RobD said. Please send a PM to the poster applicannot. She can relate to what you’re going through.
Your mom has to be an adult and apply for government programs which will help her. You need to do what’s best for you now and try to be of some help to your mother, but she cannot be totally dependent on you. Do you really need a car now? Is it for your job?</p>

10

<p>Thank you all for replying so quickly and for the advice.
I think I maybe didn’t explain things correctly. I can’t sell my car because I need it to get to work, which is half an hour away from where I live. And I live in a rural city, no public transport or buses. And my cell phone is now just a very basic minutes phone that I need for emergencies and as a contact number for work. The reason I would be working more is not to pay for my own expenses which are extremely small (maybe a 100 a month for insurance, gas, phone, another 20 for food) but to support my mother who has zero savings.</p>

<p>But thank you guys for all the support. I really do know that I need to apply to schools. It’s just when something like this pops up you just completely lose your head and everything seems to crash.</p>

<p>And I have no idea why it’s working like this, because I did think the government paid unemployment. But for some reason it seems like her company has to pay it, and they fought not to pay it. Which really confused me. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she worked for a large corporation (walmart) or the fact that we live in a commonwealth (virginia)? I dunno but clarification of that would be helpful. We are applying for food stamps, but we don’t know of anything else that we can get, besides medicare for her maybe.</p>

11

<p>I do not know your situation, but speaking about a family member who perpetually needs help- I have noticed she is ALWAYS desperate, she goes from person to person getting help until each one is used up and she moves on to another helper.</p>

<p>There is nothing achieved in helping this person, it’s not like you make a payment for someone who is just in need of temporary help and they get their life together and all is well. This family member lived with her sister for 2-3 years at great stress, strain, and expense, and all along the way would not apply for disability and medicaid. Once her sister asked her to leave she did apply and got some help. How much better would life have been for all involved if she had applied before using up her sister’s resources.</p>

<p>If you have struggled and saved money for university and if you gave ALL of it to your family to live on…what will happen in a couple of months when they use that up? If there are steps they will take then, those steps should be taken now. I do not know the details of Questbridge, but I am pretty sure you will want to have your savings available.</p>

<p>Apply for Questbridge schools, see what happens, don’t give up, you’ve come this far, look to the long term, big picture and embrace the opportunity to change your future.</p>

<p>Can your Mom and/or you move in with one of your siblings to share the rent? Can you stay with a sibling whilst finishing HS. </p>

<p>On the other hand, if you can provide a temporary loan and make a difference to your family without risking your future, that could be a great thing. I just don’t want to see your money go down a hole and your future threatened with no substantive long term difference being made to your family’s situation.</p>

12

<p>I’m a college student applying to graduate school with similar condition with OP. My mom lost her job last year, and I’ve been lending her my savings which were supposed to pay for my college. I now live by myself on student loans.</p>

<p>My advice? Well, guess what, you should apply for colleges, fill out your FAFSA and pull as much Stafford loan as you can. Stafford loan has no interest, and you do not have to pay it back while you are in college. That way, you will be able to help your mother while complete your college education. Don’t listen to people who tell you that you must take 12 credits and work 40 hours a week. Those people don’t know anything about making smart financial decisions. Once you get into colleges, interest-free student loans paid by the government will become available to you and if you live smart, you may even save or invest some of those money. You can pay those money afterwards when you start to earn 40,000-50,000 a year. Honestly, it is not that bad. Don’t EVER let finance stop you from achieving your dreams. There are plenty of money, or credit, around. </p>

<p>IF you are computer inclined, take the CCNA certificate at your local community college, you will be able to work as a networking associate with 3-6 months of training (the entire course cost around 5000 dollar). A network associate earns about 40,000 a year, and that will really solve your financial problems. You can even set your own times. By the way, don’t sell your car, you will severely limit your job search if you decide to do so.</p>

13

<p>You absolutely MUST apply to college. Do not let what may be a temporary problem in your family cause a lifetime of regret for ‘what might have been’ for you. </p>

<p>You will be much better able to help your family financially, should they need it, as a college graduate than with just a HS diploma. </p>

<p>Think long term.</p>

14

<p>what are your SAT scores? Did you take PSAT?
I am asking because there are good colleges which pay full tution and some even pay boarding if you are a National merit scholar.
Select colleges that meet the financial need and which are not ultra competetive and get in. Believe me, most of the time, it is NOT the college that you go to, but how you make use of opportunities available to you. Right now you need to apply to colleges and tell your story as you have done. Straight A student with these circumstances will really appeal to colleges.</p>

15

<p>By the way, since your mom went out of work, she should apply for the unemployment check at both the state level and the national level. My mom has it, and it is about 1600 a month.</p>

16

<p>Below is a link to Virginia Department of Social Services. There are links for information for WIC, TANF (Temp. Assistance for Needy Families), Energy Assistance, etc. There is a field to enter your zipcode for more specific information. This is basic screening information, however they may be useful to give your mother an idea of things to ask about. As others said, she is the adult here and you need to rely on her to apply for the appropriate assistance. It does not hurt for you to show her some programs that might be out there.</p>

<p>Let us know how you are doing.</p>

<p><a href=“https://jupiter.dss.state.va.us/EligibilityScreening/[/url]”>https://jupiter.dss.state.va.us/EligibilityScreening/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

17

<p>Look in the phone book. See if there is a listing for the State Unemployment Commission or google to find a phone number in your area. If that doesn’t work, call the Attorney General’s Office or the District Attorney’s Office. You might check the phone book for Legal REferral Services too. Explain that the company your mom works for has denied her unemployment. Ask how you can appeal.</p>

<p>There are a variety of reasons for getting refused unemployment. I’m not giving legal advice here–just explaining based on what happens in a different state than Virginia. If your mom quit, no unemployment. (Did she?) If your mom was insubordinate, no unemployment. If your mom stole something, no unemployment. I’m not suggesting any of these apply–just that these are the kind of reasons unemployment is denied. </p>

<p>The company doesn’t get to decide if you get it. The state does. There’s usually an appeal process if the company denies it. you MUST ACT QUICKLY. Usually, here (again not Virginia) there is a hearing and you can argue why you should get it and the company argues why you don’t and the hearing officer decides. </p>

<p>While I think you should help your mom, I think the circumstances surrounding how she lost her job are relevant. If she was really laid off, she shoud get $. If she quit, she won’t.</p>

18

<p>OP - I realize you are tempted to throw in the towel and ‘do what’s necessary’ to get through the current crisis. You see your mother circling the drain so to speak and you want to save her - but you are not in a position to save her, you can only save yourself - later on you can help your mother. If you give up now there will be two people circling the drain and no hope for significant improvement. </p>

<p>As others have stated - get your applications in now!!!</p>

<p>Once you have taken care of you, help your mother explore all options for public assistance. Perhaps she can move in with one of your siblings once you’ve gone off to college. Your siblings are older and, for better or worse, more established than you. Go make a life for yourself, only then will you be in a position to help your mother, your siblings or anyone else.</p>

<p>You are not being selfish - you are your only hope, don’t give up on yourself!</p>

19

<p>Nattilee, I’m so sorry this has happened. A great piece of advice given to me is to allow yourself one day of self-pity. Then, pick yourself up and get back to working on your college applications. Never, NEVER give up on those dreams. It’s a bit more complicated now, but you can realize those dreams. TatinG said it very well:

Others have given you great advice & links for assistance. Talk to your guidance counselor & ask what resources are available to you & your mother. But don’t give up on those college applications!</p>

20

<p>You will probably be able to go to college for free. My cousin’s son did Questbridge and is at a great school, and they even pay his airfare and books.</p>

<p>You still have a month to do the applications and supplements, so do them…then you will have options in April, at least.</p>

<p>Can you do the FAFSA, Profile, Questbridge forms yourself, or can guidance help you? Or can your mother help you?</p>

<p>Your mother might consult legal aid, about unemployment, and talk with a social worker about disability, heat assistance, food stamps, WIC etc. Does she speak good English?</p>

<p>You should not have to work, go to school, and take care of all this at the same time.</p>

<p>You will be much more helpful to your mother and family in 4 1/2 years with a degree, than if you don’t go to college and flip burgers. You need to go for yourself, but also, if your desire is to help your family, then you also need to think long term and get a degree.</p>