<p>That is really great to hear! To clarify…I have 2 Ds. My older one is on the “extended” gap year and is who I described earlier in this thread. It’s my younger D who is will be a freshman at Oberlin’s College of Arts and Sciences (IF she completes her online health class in time for graduation…) We are thrilled with Oberlin, so glad to hear that they have had a human response to your plight!</p>
<p>Oh, yes, gmfl71. I had to scroll all the way back to page 2 to find you because you’ve been so quiet. You’ve got a gap girl and an Obie: speak up! Seriously, come back and tell me about orientation, parent’s weekend, January term and all the things I was so looking forward to hearing about or experiencing next year with S. And keep me updated on your gap girl and her victories, too. I would love to hear all! =D> </p>
<p>Update: went to S’s feedback appointment today. We had already been given a diagnosis of anxiety and perfectionism. S was given an IQ test, visual memory test, facial memory test, and screened for Asperger’s and nonverbal learning disability, OCD and executive functioning disability. As suspected, he scored quite low on the facial memory test, though high on other visual memory tasks. No to learning disabilities, ADHD, Asperger’s, nonverbal and OCD. His social and executive functioning skills fall within normal ranges, but executive functioning goes out the window when he gets anxious, and his tendency to isolate himself instead of talking to others makes the situation worse. Neither his therapist nor the doc doing the testing thought he was experiencing depression. </p>
<p>Both therapist and consultant thought he would be fine going to AMFS. He has a counseling appointment already scheduled at the Aspen Counseling Center and weekly sessions for the length of his stay. My daughter and I will be staying in nearby Snowmass for the first week he’s there. The recommendation was to continue with counseling next year as he takes on a modest class load at our local university. He’d also like to pursue a programming internship while home next year and has several leads to follow up on. He is noticeably more relaxed since he started counseling, excited about Aspen this summer, and positive about the way his gap year is shaping up. Thanks for all your sage advice. I’ll keep you posted about how the festival went, as well as his first semester back on the horse that threw him. Keep your fingers crossed for us! </p>
<p>Forgot to mention: he finished up his high school requirements the week after graduation. Has diploma in hand. Whew!</p>
<p>@dec51995 - great news; sounds like things are going so much better. I wonder if he is feeling some relief from having this all out in the open & a concrete plan for dealing with it? I would think that in itself might lessen his anxiety. Keep us posted!</p>
<p>Good news. So glad he got his diploma. Yay!!!</p>
<p>Fantastic news all round. Thanks for the update.</p>
<p>I’m really glad to hear this! Thanks for letting us know!</p>
<p>I am so glad! I think now that you know what was going on you have a handle on working with the issues, so that is cool. It doesn’t surprise me the Oberlin was that helpful, they have that reputation, their music school has been described as “music school from the flower power generation” to me, and I hear the rest of the school is like that, too:) Friend of my S’s goes there, loves it. </p>
<p>dec51995 ~ So happy to hear that your S went to Aspen! I sure hope that everything is working out well there. Hope you have had a chance to relax a little, too!</p>
<p>@symphonyart Thanks! He seems very happy. <em>crosses fingers</em> Just sent me an email with lots of pics and included clips of his favorite pieces from the orchestra. So far, so good… </p>
<p>Oh, yeah–and I’m getting a nice, relaxing change of pace! Kids and hubby and I are all doing a community theater musical: S2 and I in the pit, hubby and D treading the boards… </p>
<p>Sounds fun! What musical? My D2 is in Urinetown: The Musical this summer.</p>
<p>Wizard of Oz! Much easier music for me than the last couple of years: Music Man and Camelot. Urinetown! What a name!</p>
<p>Update: S finished his summer successfully at Aspen (didn’t get sent home!) and had a marvelous time. Is just finishing up a semester as a non-degree student at our local university, taking orchestra, chamber music, studio and a computer science class. He been doing his school work, attending class and is getting good grades. He’s seeing his therapist weekly–no medication, just Cognitive Behavior Therapy. He’s continuing lessons with his hometown teacher, auditioned in Nov for NYSOS (and didn’t get in–again), recorded his Aspen application for 2015 and applied to a couple of other summer festivals, auditions to come in the spring. He’s been working with local teacher to audition as a sub for our hometown professional orchestra and was called to play their New Year’s Eve concerts. He’s preparing for a couple of competitions and auditions in the spring. The concertmaster of my civic orchestra abruptly quit and S stepped in to fill his shoes temporarily. We’ve got a couple concerts in March and S will get to play some juicy solos on the violin, something he’s been missing since he became a violist his freshman year in high school. The year is going by quickly.</p>
<p>I delayed updating because I kept thinking I would wait until I knew he was “out of the woods.” I realized this morning that I will not likely think him out of the woods for a long time, if ever, and that updates are about Progress So Far. One thing I want to pass on for posterity is that I’m very glad we decided to take the gap year. It has allowed S the time to learn how to do music housekeeping tasks like arranging his own lessons and accompanists, filling out the paperwork for contests and union membership, talking to professors and people in the industry about internship opportunities and learning how to get on in the world. Doing these things has given him confidence that he can manage his life at college. The gap year has also given S and me the breathing room to rebuild our relationship. We get to talk to each other about topics that interest us (Gustav Mahler, whether there’s a God and what the meaning of life might be, whether the computer world should be open source or not!) that we never had the time to do before because our conversations were always about what event was coming up and what needed to be done to prepare for it. I got a chance to get reacquainted with my son, an unexpected gift. For those of you still interested in our story, I will update after spring semester. Thanks for reading and keep your fingers crossed for us!</p>
<p>All good stuff, not only for his future in music but for his future as a functioning independent adult. =D>
Congratulations. </p>
<p>Wonderful! Am PM’ing you.</p>
<p>The more important question than figuring out how to fix the situation academically is what the heck is going on with him that he is doing this? Has he been the victim of a crime? Molested? Abused somewhere? Is he just lazy? Likes to live on the edge and see what he can get away with? (not asking you, just speculating). Something is going on there. </p>
<p>Whatever talents he has remain, but he needs to figure out why he is sabotaging himself. </p>
<p>Thank you for the update, dec51995. I have a young violist, too, so kind of keep up with folks who post on here about viola. I’m really happy to hear that your son is doing so much better, and that your relationship with him is strengthening. It sounds like he has some cool opportunities this year which is an added bonus! Hope the summer auditions go well. Looking forward to reading future updates. Best wishes!</p>
<p>@TranquilMInd –
It sounds as if he’s doing well. 17-year-old boys are notoriously immature and impulsive–I would not pathologize his behavior without knowing him very well. He’s seeing a therapist–let’s leave it to his mom and the therapist. </p>