<p>My son just failed his first semester at college. He is capable of great grades, he is brilliant in math and physics, and musically talented. At college, he was doing great at mid-term, then didn't go to finals, and became "addicted" to huffing nitrous oxide. He has been a physics and music major, but said at Thanksgiving he'd dropped the music major.</p>
<p>We had an agreement that we'd pay all college costs for an undergrad degree provided he maintained a 3.0. We are expecting to tell him now that he has to pay for next semester, however we'll reimburse provided he completes the semester with good grades. More importantly though, I'm concerned he isn't ready to go back, and may well fail again. For now, he is clearly on academic probation, and has not petitioned for reinstatement of his academic status.</p>
<p>I want to help him, and have suggested (and he agreed to) family counseling. I also suspect he has a depression issue (it runs in my family for at least 4 generations back), and I would like to have him professionally evaluated for that (he says he isn't depressed, and blames horrible parenting, citing for example that unlike other successful musicians, we didn't hire a producer for him in high school, and instead suggested that he consider the challenges of succeeding in music (we were very happy to support his double major in music and physics). At college, he says he dropped the music major because he didn't "like the way they were teaching music". </p>
<p>He really is terrifically smart, but he has made some terrifically bad decisions. He essentially would not communicate his first semester, he is convinced he wants to travel to Dubai (where his roommate is from). I suspect that is simply running away from his problem, and he sees the wealth and partying of Dubai through his roommate's eyes and thinks that would be better than facing the alternative in college. He continues to talk like he is just going to be at college next semester and will go to graduate school in physics, yet he seems not to grasp the reality that he is on probation (and until he petitions for reinstatement isn't even enrolled next semester).</p>
<p>Any suggestions on where to turn for help or ideas on how to handle this are welcomed.</p>
<p>Just curious why you are starting a new thread–you didn’t like the answers in the one your started earlier, where everyone told you that nitrous oxide abuse is DANGEROUS and needs treatment immediately?</p>
<p>Stop paying for his tuition and make him step into the real world. It sounds to me like your son is spoiled and/or inexperienced about life. Their is only one way to fix that problem - experience. Going back to school and getting poor grades is just throwing money down the drain.</p>
<p>Without college, a person’s chances of finding a career are very slim, as you know and you son as well. But the idea of realizing it is what your son needs to do. He will find it out the hard way. The idea of him going to Dubai is literally the most ridiculous thing, and he needs to step into the real world. He dropped the music major because they didn’t like the way they taught. I think you know that it is a lie, he may have been lazy. I’m not trying to be harsh here, but you know he could probably drop the other major and leave college completely. Colleges nowadays have excellent counseling centers to help student for everything from academic problems to addiction problems. Nitrous oxide abuse, especially repeated abuse, leads to damage to the area of the brain that is responsible for general awareness, and can seriously affect his episodic memory. It can cause anemia, which in turn deprives the vital organs of oxygen. and can lead to organ damage and so many other things. Your son may see you as an enemy, but if you stand your ground and do what you have to do to make sure he is in line, then no one would disagree with you. Your best course of action would be to go to a counselor, either at his school or an outside doctor. Make him realize he is on a dangerous path. Take care of the drug abuse first, because that is the likely cause of everything. I wish you the best of luck.</p>