Dreading children leaving for college

<p>I keep thinking of what the mother said in My Big Fat Greek Wedding – “I gave you this life so you could live it.” And our mothers did the same for us, so we can live this new phase fully, too.</p>

<p>My son went to college 250 miles away, and my daughter is attending 800 miles away. The last verse of this poem was so applicable:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I really don’t think the distance matters if the kid is not coming home on weekends…they are not in OUR home any more, that’s the sad part.</p>

<p>S, my oldest, is leaving for a college just 45 minutes away. I am wondering what will be appropriate in terms of my seeing him given that he’s so close. He’s a music major so I will likely attend performances, maybe take him out to dinner. Beyond that…? </p>

<p>I think I need to not crowd him, he needs to be at school for at least the first month or so without coming home on a weekend, without me going there. I want him to make a successful and full transition to his new community and I think he needs to fully commit in order to do that.</p>

<p>But given that I CAN easily visit, it may be hard to force myself to stay away. What would you do?</p>

<p>I don’t know, I’ve just started thinking about this stuff.</p>

<p>kathiep, thanks for the book rec. Just put a hold on it at my library.</p>

<p>^ I would discuss it so you are both on the same page. What if you are given him his “space”, but he sees it as my parents are an hour away and don’t want to come and visit.</p>

<p>My husband went to college about 15 minutes from home and didn’t see his parents until Thanksgiving! </p>

<p>If I were you ohiobassmom, I would play it by ear with your son taking the lead. I would encourage him not to come home and you visit when you are invited. One thing I’ve found problematic for freshman that go to our closest State U is that if they start coming home weekly from the beginning they don’t then start staying on-campus on weekends later.</p>

<p>I didn’t feel sad. I felt so happy for the, and for us. We worked hard, we all did, and they are going off to have such adventures, and we have freedom now as well.</p>

<p>Maybe it’s because I moved around a lot, and my husband moved from Europe to america when he was in his 20s and maybe saw his family every other year. </p>

<p>Why sad? Why not joyful that our kids are lucky enough to go to college!!!</p>

<p>One of my friends said that when she was saying goodbye to her son at college, she kept from crying by thinking of the parents saying goodbye to their sons and daughters heading overseas with the military. Her son was safe, he was where he wanted to be at college. It helped her to keep perspective. </p>

<p>That doesn’t mean it’s not a tough transition for parents though. For 18 years our kids have been an integral part of our daily lives, and now they won’t be there on a daily basis. It’s a wonderful step forward, but it is also a loss for the parent, and it’s ok to acknowledge that.</p>

<p>Ohio- my S is 90 minutes away and we talk on the phone once a week. He comes home every six to ten weeks. He doesn’t like us to visit him- he says it makes him want to come home. Every kid is different though. My S runs a campus magazine, works and has classes. His " free" time is spent with his friends. He texts when something is urgent or important to share. He comes home when he feels he can spare the time.</p>

<p>Thanks for the tips. I will talk to him.</p>

<p>He won’t have a lot of free time between being a music major (ensembles, etc) and his work study job and, well, a social life. </p>

<p>He doesn’t drive and no one from his HS is going to his college, so coming home won’t be too easy too often.</p>

<p>My S leaves tomorrow for a college 8 hours away. A friend of mine reminded me today of how parents must have felt when their 18 year olds were drafted into Vietnam, and how lucky I am that he had good choices and safe places to go. It did make me feel better. That, and knowing how media now allows us to stay more connected with facebook and skype…sigh…</p>

<p>Sadly counting down the days until S1 leaves for college, 1300 miles away. It’s a bittersweet time - I’m sad for us - that he will be gone - and thrilled for him. What an exciting chapter in his life! I like the Skype idea, especially since he won’t be home til Thanksgiving. S2 is a HS sophomore, so thankfully we have three more years before becoming empty nesters. To me the hardest part is that S1 has become such an awesome young man - I would love more time to be with him, but unfortunately, it’s time for him to move on. :(</p>

<p>This was my mantra - when I first sent DD to sleep away camp for a month (at 12 yo) and also went she went to college (150 mi away): just because it’s good for her, doesn’t mean it’s easy for me. Of course I was so excited for her. But it was still hard. How could it not be? She will be home for five days next week between her summer job and college (junior year) and it is always hard leaving her at school. It’s easier than freshman year, but still…</p>

<p>Now DS is about to enter senior year of HS. When he goes to college (likely further than his sister), I think it will hit me even harder. But I am still so proud of both of them and so excited about their opportunities. The sadness shouldn’t last so long.</p>

<p>It’s the silence that gets me. When D is here, the tv is always on and she’s always in the family room. She leaves tomorrow to go back to campus, 800 miles away. It gets less hard each year, but it’s still not easy.</p>

<p>Just sent D2 off with D1 to school 8 hrs away yesterday. It didn’t make sense for me to drive my freshman D2 up to school when D1 had to drive her car up anyway. Feels a bit wrong, but she does have family with her. Saddest part for me is D1 and D2 won’t come home until Christmas. Their school only gets off Thurs. and Fri. for Thanksgiving. It would be expensive and hellish to travel that weekend. It’s also only a few weeks until the end of the semester from then. They’re both too practical (and cheap) to justify coming home then. D1 is a senior and hasn’t been home for Thanksgiving since high school.</p>

<p>My sister is always on me about my not being emotional enough while sending D1 (senior) to NY (3000 miles away in 1 week) and now D2 is leaving in 1 month (new freshman-9 hours away). I told my sister that D1 would be right back and D2 would also find a new appreciation for calling us often. I had to do it that way with the 1st one to survive. Boy was I right!</p>

<p>Senior d1 calls every day. Sometimes 2-3 times!! She leaves us with her confirmation # for her Southwest Flight for xmas. I don’t know why there’s more calls, LOL!</p>

<p>Ohiobassmom-
Our DS was also a music major about one hour from home. He might drop in for one weekend day every other month (had a car with him) but otherwise it was as though he were 3000 miles away. Very busy with classes, performances, rehearsals, and just immersed in college life. The way it should be IMHO.</p>

<p>It WAS wonderful that we could attend his performances all through undergrad. Became more difficult when he was 3 hrs away for grad school but still we caught a few.</p>

<p>Enjoy!</p>

<p>I was thrilled to send my D off to college. Maybe it helped that she was only an hour away, and we saw her about once a month (albeit from a distance, across the football stadium, as she was in the marching band). She hardly ever came home that first year. I was busy with my usual life- work, garden, pets. It was all for the best. She was happy, I was happy.</p>

<p>It’s a whole lot easier when you feel your child is going to the right college for him/her. I have been surprisingly fine because I am confident my son made the right choice–the minute we set foot on his campus in the spring, it just felt right. And by the time he left last weekend, he was completely ready to start this new phase of his life. In contrast, my friends whose kids have had to “settle” for schools that were not on the top of their list are really struggling, because their kids are already looking for reasons to complain about their new roommates, class schedules, and everything else, and the anxiety in their homes is palpable.</p>

<p>One thing that also helped me this summer was booking our trip to visit my son at the college’s family weekend in six weeks, and also getting realistic about whether we’ll see him again before winter break. We are already resigned to the fact that it might be too complicated and expensive to get him home for Thanksgiving (13-hour drive or connecting flights) but he will be home just a few weeks later for a month. The time will go fast for all of us.</p>

<p>My S has been gone since early August (his school has a great summer start program). I won’t lie, it has been tough, but I have kept busy with other things. I have definitely become a little stalker-ish on Facebook, I am very lucky that he is a regular poster!</p>