Dreading children leaving for college

<p>It’s definitely a change. Some people do struggle with change and I am empathetic. I’m the type of person who embraces change and have enjoyed having my nest get quieter. This is the last year my last one will be at home and I’m going to enjoy it…and enjoy it even more when he’s heading off next August and it’s just H and I like it was 25 years ago…only different of course. I think we’re going to enjoy the freedom of not having to adjust our schedules to the kids needs and desires. It’s been a great journey, lots of great times and memories, but yup, I’m looking forward to the next phase.</p>

<p>I agree with Sally305. I have absolutely no qualms that this school is a great fit. I know my DS loved it. We had a tough choice in the spring, a school that was settle, or me working a little more for the fit. Today, I am happy and confident the right choice was made for our kid.<br>
That said, my grief revolves around watching and feeling his fear and anxiety. It is my achilles for sure…I will be relieved when a call comes one day and he says all is well and he is happy. I know that may not be this spring, but maybe by next year.</p>

<p>Thanks musicmom :)</p>

<p>This was posted in the parents of 2016 thread, I like it:</p>

<p>[Turning</a> our life’s work loose | StarTribune.com](<a href=“http://www.startribune.com/opinion/commentaries/166169946.html?refer=y]Turning”>http://www.startribune.com/opinion/commentaries/166169946.html?refer=y)</p>

<p>The only thing worse than sending them off to college would be NOT sending them - having them be home because they had no other options. They messed up in high school and didn’t get admitted, or we couldn’t afford to send them. Or worse - they have an illness, physical or mental, and can’t go. Or they’ve made the brave choice to serve our nation and put themselves in harm’s way in hostile territories.</p>

<p>Put that way, sending them off to college isn’t all that bad.</p>

<p>The thought crossed my mind today that I have one week to teach her everything I forgot to teach her in the last 18 years.</p>

<p>^ oh no, you can still talk to her! She’s going to learn a lot and your advice when she calls you because she runs into challenges is going to be really valuable! Or if she doesn’t call, its because you taught her enough to figure out how to figure it out on her own! Or this is what I tell myself…</p>

<p>D, only child, leaves in 2 weeks for university which is a 5 hour flight and 3 hour car trip away. I won’t see her until xmas holidays. </p>

<p>I’m shocked by how okay I seem with it right now, which worries me a bit as I wonder if I’m just in denial about the whole thing and its going to hit me afterwards. </p>

<p>The things I try to focus on are these and I would love to hear how others process this to be okay with it:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>She is, right now, only gone a semester at a time. Like a long summer camp! I can easily DO a semester!</p></li>
<li><p>I would be much more worried/upset if she wasn’t able to go to university or wasn’t ready for this transition. This is great news, I’m really happy and excited for her even though I am going to miss her. </p></li>
<li><p>I’ll probably stay connected via text and skype and our relationship will continue. Maybe even more than it does currently. If I am realistic, she’s working or with friends a lot at this age even though she is at home. It can be hard to ‘reach her’ when she’s in front of a computer screen at home. Maybe we’ll even get closer when she seems less of me! </p></li>
<li><p>It is highly likely she’ll move back home for periods (looking at the statistics) and so while the future is going to be different from the past, it’s not as if we no longer have a relationship or I am no longer going to be her parent or share a loving relationship with her. It is not as if I won’t be seeing her again or living with her. </p></li>
<li><p>This is just another adventure. I’m looking forward to watching it, seeing her life unfold, enjoying the time we get to catch up and spend time together. Not really THAT much different than what we’ve been through…she and our relationship has already changed so much from 12 to 18…this is just another evolution (it just comes more suddenly so its more noticeable).</p></li>
<li><p>Like everything else we face in life, you get used to it. Time makes it easier, you adapt. You just do.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Enjoying turning DS’s old BR into a guest room. And he can be the guest too!</p>

<p>Of course, it is high time, he is 26. How did THAT happen?</p>

<p>This was in my paper today and thought of this thread. </p>

<p><a href=“http://www.timesunion.com/living/article/Dealing-with-the-empty-nest-3796475.php[/url]”>www.timesunion.com/living/article/Dealing-with-the-empty-nest-3796475.php</a></p>

<p>I am so relieved that DD’s choice and fit is a great school 40 miles away. Girls are different than boys. And while distance (in miles) is only psychological, it is calming to know; she can come home whenever she wants (if even just for the night), or we can visit whenever we’re invited.</p>

<p>“40 miles may as well be 400” is what a colleague once told me, and I agree. There will be no encroachment on her “college experience” and independence. It’s just peace of mind.</p>

<p>We have 2 older S’s who chose to go about 1000 miles away (Colorado). While it was comforting to know they had each other (only 2 years apart), the logistics were a challenge. There was one Christmas when we had purchased airfare for them to get home. The day of departure, Denver had one of its all too frequent winter squalls that shut down the airport! The airline was only offering re-booking 3 days out?! (and after Christmas!!) It was a mess. And the sad thing was, 30 miles east of Denver? it was clear sailing…</p>

<p>That was only one event out of a “fist full” of years, but it makes me appreciate all the more, DD being a “townie” :)</p>

<p>From the worrying point of view, there is this. When my kids are at home, and they go out–particularly now that taking the car is possible–I can easily worry about are they safe? What’s happening now? And so on. But at college, aside from the big global worrying, I can’t pin down where they might be on a particular evening, or a particular moment. It’s kind of a load off my worrying mind. I cant sweat the details. Plus they can’t drive at school. </p>

<p>I have three kids. The older two are in college. The younger is a soph in high school. Who knows? The way things are, by the time he’s off, one or both of the other two could boomerang back home–leaving no empty nest. And with only one at home, now, I remind him that at long last, the parents outnumber the kids.</p>

<p>starbright: I really like how you summarized the situation–I share your sentiments but you put them into words a lot better than I did. Good luck to your daughter (and you).</p>

<p>I find it funny that so many people say “girls are different from boys” with regard to how much their kids stay in touch. Not all girls are the best communicators! I have one of each, and throughout high school my son has been the one who wants to spend more time with me and his dad and is far better at staying in contact. I expect this trend to continue once he is settled into a routine at his college. My daughter, who is younger, is fiercely independent and can go for long stretches without checking in with anyone at home (we saw this for a couple of summers when she was away at dance camps, where she did have technology to reach us and seldom used it). She’ll be the one we’ll have to ask to check in on some kind of schedule, just so we know she’s OK.</p>

<p>^exception that proves the rule^ :)</p>

<p>I am (going to be) a college freshman and although im only going to a community college…my mom STILL brings up things like oh my baby is going to college…its annoying but im sure she is just like all the other moms out there. She was like an emotional wreck when my older sister went off to college…it was bad. But now that she knows how it works i think shes a bit better at doing that sorta stuff. </p>

<p>Sent from my DROID RAZR using CC</p>

<p>I now LOVE that DS has moved out of our home but rents in same town, sharing a large house with friends.</p>

<p>It would be cheaper monetarily for him to have stayed in our home since we charged him no rent for the 9 months he boomeranged back here after graduation.</p>

<p>But it really is the best…he is nearby so will drop in to see us or share a meal.
BUT most of his stuff is out of here, he is learning how to really pay his own way with rent, insurance, car payment, etc AND most of all I can’t worry about specific situations since I’m not in the loop about details. So, it’s just nice to learn about the rafting trip or the road trip to the midwest to visit friends, etc AFTER the fact. As it should be IMHO.</p>

<p>THIS:

</p>

<p>So true for me too! I think of this often! It will be a HUGE benefit for me I think.</p>

<p>I do envy those whose kids are far enough away to be independent, yet you have peace of mind that you could see them or be close if you needed to. Just not possibly when the flight is 5 hours and that is just not the same as even a 5 hour drive, or a 2 hour drive. I’d have very much liked her closer and she had the option, but it was equally important for her to be farther away. I’ll just have to deal. </p>

<p>And I agree that kids vary so much, which can transcend gender. My D is not a text or phone talker, whether it’s her away or me away. I can hope it will be different when its for a longer period, but I am not getting my hopes up.</p>