<p>I too have a D much like Zooser describes - not a pain to have, a great companion, let's me know what's up because she wants to, responsible. I am happy to see her go (have the opportunity) but of course, don't want her to leave (home that is). She doesn't leave until Sept. 1 so we've got a bit of time and aren't panicked yet that all is not ready to pack and go - and I KNOW I won't make it to the car without crying and really have no intend or desire to not cry - it's a sign of love, pride, sadness all rolled into one and I suspect she will do the same. </p>
<p>D is not going to be too far away - about 75 miles - I choose to take it one week at a time. I am thankful for cellphones and email. She will not walk out of our door forever - just as I hated when people used to say "your life will never be the same" once I started having kids, I suspect this is similar. Life won't be the same, but will still be GOOD- make that wonderful, because she will have so much to explore and I am excited to see her make it happen. </p>
<p>Since she is leaving a bit later (Sept 1) I am anticipating the tears she will have in the next couple of weeks as her friends AND boyfriend leave before her - I think those days are going to be very tough...</p>
<p>I will have two left at home - age 10 and 15. I will use my "mom" time to spend more time with them, attend their functions and have FUN with them. </p>
<p>My advice? Don't work too hard to hide the tears - they will come sooner or later and you will not be the only one using kleenex at the doom come move in day.</p>
<p>Thank you for this thread! My oldest (our son) will be leaving in 2 weeks. He'll be 300 miles - 6 hour drive - away. I know I will miss him! I was a stay-home mom for the first 8 years of his life, and have worked part-time since them. It's so hard when you've spent the last 18 years of your life oriented around them. Although I always knew they would leave, and I'm a strong believer in going AWAY to college - I never realized it would ACTUALLY HAPPEN! I sort of felt like I would be a day-to-day mom forever! I find myself fervently hoping that he doesn't stay near college when he graduates, but returns to our area to start his life. </p>
<p>Although I will miss my son, I'm even more concerned about what I will do when my daughter leaves in 3 years. She's our youngest (of 2), and she and I are pretty close. My son is fairly independent, and spends most of his free time in his room or the basement game room. Plus he's been working a lot this summer, so he's not home that much anyway. I'll almost be able to pretend he's here when he's gone! But my daughter can't stand to be alone, and spends her time watching TV or doing homework in the family room or kitchen. When she leaves, I'm going to be in big trouble :-(</p>
<p>Thank goodness for cellphones, texting, IM and email. It will be easier to keep in touch than when I went to school. I hope to at least hear my son's voice once a week, and maybe an email or IM or text in between? I'll take the advice of others and send him emails with news, and not necessarily expect a reply. (Actually, I know my son. He'll write back, "LOL". or "Cool." and that will be the extent of the reply, but he'll feel like he's communicated).</p>
<p>I'm beginning to realize this may be almost as big of a life-change for us as it is for our children!</p>
<p>I have two others, as well, abasket. One is 15 and is unbelievably difficult (she's the "weirdo" on the college for a weirdo thread) and a much younger boy. I adore them both, but Zoosergirl has been pleasant and competent all of her life, so in terms of pleasant conversation, her going will be tough. I was talking with a co-worker the other day whose wife is expecting their first. I told him how exciting parenthood would be and joyful. Someone else did the "you'll never sleep again" schtick. Why do people have to do that? I have always refused to gripe about my kids or even be blase. What IS the need to badmouth kids all the time? IMO most of them are imperfectly wonderful.</p>
<p>Another concern I have is my husband. His way of dealing with things is to ignore them and pretend they are not going to happen. I think he will be in bad shape the last couple of days she is at home.</p>
<p>In fact, I was thinking the other day that probably THE WORST time will be the day/night before she leaves. My D ALWAYS comes and hugs me before she goes to sleep no matter how late it is -it's just something she always has done - that will be a very tough hug that night.</p>
<p>My H missed my S1 when he left in 2004--and it took me a whole year to pick up on the signals. Men! Why don't they just SAY so??</p>
<p>My boys have been on an amazing adventure since they left home (Jan 2004/Jan 2007). Each week is better than the last. How can I wish they were home with dull old Mum and Dad? I don't. I am thrilled to hear their stories--and am lucky enough to hear the stories via email and phone calls and long chats when they are home. Their excitement takes me right back to my happiness and independence at that age. Of course, they are far more accomplished on every level. That warms my heart too.</p>
<p>Our professional lives jumped onto a rocket about the time S2 left. We're too busy to miss them and we love the intimacy of the empty nest. Living with teenage boys drains the libido right out of middle-aged women--has been my observation. We also love the ease of weekend travel as we no longer have to guard our house against impromptu teen parties.</p>
<p>NO doubt, the worst part is people saying "oh, your home life will never be the same again", DUH, I knew that, and reminding me every 10 min doesn't help!</p>
<p>We've got a month before skier-boy takes off. It is with great self-restraint that I don't demand he spend every non-working minute with me. He's in letting-go mode, I'm in holding-on mode. </p>
<p>I remember these last weeks from last year - the frenzy of friends getting together before everyone scatters to schools. This year he won't be the kid still left in HS, he'll be leaving too. </p>
<p>I think I'll probably work to much, clean the basement and maybe get to know skier-dad again. Oh and occasionally sit in his empty (but clean) room and cry.</p>
<p>When we dropped my S off for his freshman year, my oldest, I bawled half the way home (300 miles). I think half of the emotion was that now, he really was all on his own, and his mistakes were going to be all his. It worked out very well though and he had a great year, meeting the most wonderful kids, etc. The only thing we said no to was a trip to Canada (essentially a drinking trip, since legal is 19 there) - he and his roommate stayed in the dorm while their group of buddies went off to Ontario. </p>
<p>Still, he goes back in two weeks and I find myself dreading it. I hated even walking past his room for a week after he left last fall.</p>
<p>Our D is leaving in 13 days. We are so excited for her, but we are going to miss her terribly. We are going on a family trip before she goes away. She has been a pure pleasure to us from the day she was born. Sometimes people think we are strange because we have nothing but good things to say about her. </p>
<p>She went to a party today sponsored by an alum from her school, and we were not invited. Later she told us all about the new kids she's met and what fun she'll have during the orientation week. I felt a bit teary because I will no longer be there the first day of school, to meet her teachers during back to school night, or to get a write up on her progress. I notice she is staying at the dinner table just a bit longer now. She talks about when she will be home this fall - she talks about it in terms of logistic of exchanging her clothes from school to home. In the beginning of the summer, she said not to call her too often, but now she is telling us that she will definitely be calling to let us know what's going on. She told her sister not worry because she will be home for her annual nutcracker recital, even if it means to get back to school a day late.</p>
<p>Having her gone will feel like a piece of me that's missing, but I am going to try very hard not to let her know about it. I think my biggest gift to her would be to let her go - not to feel bad about people she's left behind and be free to experience her new life to the fullest extent.</p>
<p>haha fencer. I have a good friend who is making the 28 hour rt drop-off drive--specifically so she can bawl with her D on the way down and bawl by herself on the way back.</p>
<p>I suggested they fly and they both looked at me as though I had a heart made of ice.</p>
<p>It doesn't have to be hard. When DS and DD left, I can say I was more envious than sad - both going off to exciting new places while I was stuck at home with the weeds and housework and job. Solution - reconnect with their high school and some kid whose parents could care less if they even went to college. Easier than foster care and the GCs were appreciative.</p>
<p>"I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago
and people who will see a world that I shall never know.
All the while I sit and think of times that were before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door".</p>
<p>This thread made me sit at the computer and cry, but I couldn't stop reading.
How DO we do it? We just keep going. I feel like mothering is what I'm best at, and my job is almost over. My poor sweet S knows exactly how I feel. He is the nicest person. He said - "don't worry mom, you're gonna be the world's best Granny"
It's hard to imagine loving anyone as much as we do our children - but of course their success and independence is the point, after all. It's all good. Hard. But good. (repeat to self, as needed)</p>
<p>Everyone I know thinks it's weird that S's school has Parents Weekend only a month after school starts. Well, for me it's the only thing keeping me going...knowing that four weeks after I drop only S off to begin his freshman year, H and I can make that drive again to see him.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, I LOVE "imperfectly wonderful" and am stealing it forthwith. Hope you don't mind, 'cause that's exactly how I feel about S.</p>
<p>Our D is not leaving until Sept 23rd, I think it's one of the latest starts. While we will miss her terribly, I think we'll be glad she is going to be away from the undiserable boyfriend. Hopefully she can meet many interesting people in college, so he's not going to be in the picture when she comes back for Christmas break. Also, having her brother still home should keep us busy.</p>
<p>csleslie51 has a great idea. Be a mentor at your student's old HS. I have plans to participate at S's old school even though he has graduated. </p>
<p>Also, like cheers, I look at this as the beginning of exciting times for my S. I raised him to be prepared, able and excited at the thought and opportunity to be on his own.</p>
<p>Seperation anxiety? We will keep in touch. We won't say "goodbye," we'll say "I'll see you later." We have already discussed a communication arrangement that works for both of us.</p>
<p>Nothing to do? No way. I started in S's soph year (about driver's license time) focusing on things that I wanted to learn about and/or experience. </p>
<p>Downer? I also know a few students whose parents' dread of parting has turned into "problems" for that student. The parents have compelled (or emotionally guilt tripped) the student to attend nearby schools, have ALREADY directed that the student return home often (one forbid her student from NOT coming home Thanksgiving) and have started preparing for all the fun things the family will do at X-mas. ALL of this without really listening or considering what the student might wish.</p>
<p>Don't let your "blues" turn into rain on their parade. It is their turn.</p>
<p>
[quote]
My H missed my S1 when he left in 2004--and it took me a whole year to pick up on the signals. Men! Why don't they just SAY so??
[/quote]
</p>
<p>You've made me wonder whether missing a kid accounts for my husband being in Oscar-the-grouch mode all summer.</p>
<p>Our S is a rising senior at college, and he spent this summer on his campus working on a research project (which will probably lead to him graduating with honors, and which has solidified his decision that grad school will be the next step for him). But the previous two summers, he lived at home and had internships at a nearby government agency. During those summers, H, who is an avid cyclist, persuaded S to go on bike rides with him almost every weekend. </p>
<p>Perhaps H's whole problem is that he's missing his cycling partner this summer.</p>
<p>"Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone</p>
<p>This phase of life reminds me of when I was pregnant with our one-and-only and the water broke. I had known for 9 months that I would be going through labor and delivery eventually, but it didn't get real until that moment. </p>
<p>There will always be people who tell horror stories about childbirth to pregnant women and then more horror stories about how children ruin their parents' lives. My dear son has been a joy from day one. We were told we wouldn't be able to travel anymore with a child, so we travelled a lot before he was born. Then we found it was easy to travel with him, so we did a lot more before he started school. Then we found it was just as easy when he was in school, so we never stopped. I'm hoping he'll still want to travel with us on at least some of his school breaks. But we won't guilt-trip him about it.</p>
<p>I'm thinking it will be a gradual transition the first year, because of Family Weekend, October break, Thanksgiving, etc. and that, by the second year, when he might make other plans, we'll all be more ready for it. Pretty sure I'll be crying though. I cry during tv commercials.</p>
<p>I'm so excited for him--that's the predominant feeling right now. And I do have tons of piled up projects and a husband I like a lot. I'm planning to survive, even though my heart is walking around half-way across the country.</p>
<p>"Zoosermom, I LOVE "imperfectly wonderful" and am stealing it forthwith. Hope you don't mind, 'cause that's exactly how I feel about S."</p>
<p>Feel free. I'm so glad there are others who understand! As I always say, my kids don't walk on water and I know their faults better than anyone, but I still love them all as passionately today as I did the day they were born, and I can't imagine ever feeling otherwise.</p>