<p>We are taking our only child, a D, to Michigan in two weeks. (My husband actually has a son from a former marriage--more on that below.) A couple of years ago, I found that I was getting teary every time I spoke or thought about her leaving. We have always been close, and she remained quite talkative and open with me throughout her teenage years. I don't know how I will feel two weeks from now, but, for the moment, my predominant feeling is that she is ready and well-prepared, and I am almost at the finish line. It is not that I don't have more "mothering" to do, it is just that now it is really up to her. I am excited for her (and a bit jealous).</p>
<p>We live in CA and what makes her move so far away bearable is that my stepson, who is 31, and his mother (my husband's ex) live in Ann Arbor. From the time my D was little, both of them spoke of her going to U Mich. It was not my D's first choice, but she is very excited now and sure it is the best choice for her. She is also thrilled to have the opportunity to develop a relationship of her own with her brother. I could not be happier for them. My husband's ex has been wonderful--and this is a woman I have only met two or three times and have never spoken to other than at those few meetings. (Even during the years my stepson visited for summers, we never spoke.) I truly feel like my D will have a second family, and that is perfectly fine with me. (And believe me, this is not a situation where the exes remained on good terms for the 28 years since the divorce!)</p>
<p>I am looking forward to focusing on me for a change. I have a career (attorney) that I turned into a "job" after my D was born. I am excited to return to my career, to find hobbies, to travel, and to relax without the feeling of being "on call." If I keep writing, I know I can convince myself that it will be OK.</p>
<p>Tissues nearby...this thread is so helpful...DD is only child, leaving for school clear across the country...not exactly a couple of hours of driving away...She wanted to study back east-to experience a different part of the country, a different weather pattern...I am so proud of her, and I will miss her so very much. My H told me last night that he was really sad about DD going off to school....so we commiserated...I think I have prepared her to fly, just like my Mom did for me. Talking about bank accounts, credit cards, dating, sororities vs independent dorms...I feel like we can talk about anything...but then there are the moments when I have to remind myself I need to let her go-she's ready...this is what being a Mom is about...sigh</p>
<p>Hello everyone. Just want you to know how much I appreciate all these posts. Haven't read past the first few pages, because it was so busy during those days we dropped daughter off. Also, it was clear that the year ahead does not look like it gets easier very fast. We left my d. at school, 7 hours away, 2 nights ago. Yesterday it rained and we had to go to a funeral. I sent my d. an email yesterday morning and have still not heard back, though she IM'd her little sister apparently for quite a while. I feel like I have come down with something - various feverish symptoms, headaches, extreme sleepiness. Wondering if it's a psychosomatic reaction... Keep wanting to celebrate her being at her wonderful school, yet the loss keeps feeling greater. I will read all your posts now and I'm sure I'll find a lot of help with this! Sorry this thank you comes so late. Hope somebody sees it!</p>
<p>tia, I hope you feel better. I feel for you. We just came home last night from dropping off our youngest son (we have two) to his school. It is really bittersweet. I am happy for him but at the same time I miss his physical presence. I miss him terribly. We did a lot together, especially the last three years after his brother went to college. We would go to movies, go shopping and even just watch our favorite shows on tv.
To make matters worse, on our way back home yesterday, one of the rear wheels blew up on I-80. My husband and I were lucky we were alright, just shaken a bit. The 6 hour trip became almost 10 hours.</p>
<p>Zoosergirl leaves on Friday. I don't think I'll see much of her this week as she has two more (of three) surprise farewell parties coming up. I'm awfully glad that so many people care enough about her to go to this trouble. It's funny that my husband, son and younger daughter all came to me this weekend in shock that ZG is actually going to go. Did they all think this was a grand hypothetical? Oy. Anyway, I think I'll be so busy on Friday that I'll be ok, but I have to wake up on Saturday morning without her. So Zoosersister and I plan to spend the entire day wandering The Cloisters. Should be a great day.</p>
<p>this has been a very hard day for me, too! my youngest and husband left yesterday to drive to school....1100 miles away! so i can't really drop everything and go see him. i missed him terribly all last year, and enjoyed the summer, and now, i miss him all over again! it's just nice to have them around and to know that you could have breakfast, lunch or maybe see a movie....i just miss both of my boys.</p>
<p>anyone watch the movie click? the one with adam sandler and the remote control? i watched that with my son a few weeks ago.....it makes me think of how much i'd like to go back....and how fast we go forward!</p>
<p>my heart goes out to all of you. this is such a difficult time.</p>
<p>I will be leaving my son at college 250 miles away on Thursday. "Excited for him, sad for me" definitely sums it up.</p>
<p>But I keep remembering what a friend told me last year, when she dropped her oldest son off for the first time. The time came to say goodbye, and she was trying not to cry... but on the drive home she thought about all the moms saying goodbye to sons and daughters who were going off to serve in Iraq or Afghanistan. She said after that she felt a lot better about leaving her son in Vermont! She still missed him, but she was able to put it in perspective.</p>
<p>It's been a sad week in our town. A family who lives about a mile from me lost their 29 year old son who was killed in Iraq, and a young girl (12) at my daughter's dance studio lost her mother to cancer.</p>
<p>So I'll shed a few tears when we leave DS at school, and probably a few more over the next few weeks, but I'll remind myself what a great experience DS is having, and I'll have DD's high-school-girl-drama to keep me "entertained."</p>
<p>wbow: Click reminds me of the song that's been stuck in my head for the last week - Breathe (3am):
"But we can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass
Glued to the table
And no one can find the rewind button now
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe."</p>
<p>Returned 1 laundry load ago from dropping S (one and only) off for his sophomore year.</p>
<p>It still is sad. I won't lie to you. But is is bittersweet sad. The sweet part is that he is so comfortable in his new home, that he has so many friends he is glad to see, that he is now an "old hand" and is there early to help the new freshman.</p>
<p>So....I am writing to say that, while it does get easier, it is still hard (at least for me), but there is much for which to be grateful and proud.</p>
<p>FilAm_mom, Glad you're okay! That's the thing - we have to take care of ourselves, too. Anything can happen, so you must have been very shaken up after your tire blew. I will miss the tv shows my daughter used to watch and let me slip in and watch with her, the ones that only the two of us would laugh about. Was in the grocery last night for the first time and couldn't believe that I had no reason to buy some of the things she likes because my other ones don't ask for those things. I imagine trying to send her frozen lemonade... that's one of the things that's sad, isn't it? She had become such a great pal as she matured and we had a rapport and an understanding about the family we shared and laughed about. But I know this is her time now. And I know she'll be coming back, even though for brief times. It's just college. There could have been far worse reasons to miss her. </p>
<p>mafool, Yes, bittersweet. I saw a photo of my d. on a facebook that her roommate had taken labeled 'my new room and roommate" and she looked so happy in it. I saw the bed was made, there was a huge smile on my daughter's face... that helped so much. We just want them to be happy when we aren't hearing from them. Wow, it is so hard.</p>
<p>This will be my second D I send off to college. I am having a harder time this time. I do not want to dwell on it too much. My goal is not to cry in front of her. I will probably cry on the way home though. I know she needs to go, but I will miss her so much and will worry that she is ok. I didn't cry on the send off day with the first one, mostly because her freinds did enough of that for everyone and I felt like I had to hold it together. It was like a funeral at our house for a week leading up to the departure. She left early because of athletics and it was heartwrenching. The girls would show up and she would go through this gut wrentching goodbye, then sthey would leave, she would get herself together and someone else would come to say goodbye and it would start all over again. So everyone here kept the happy face because it was just too much. The ride to school was very quiet. In the end everything works out and everyone adjusts, the getting there is hard. Good luck to everyone.</p>
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[quote]
Was in the grocery last night for the first time and couldn't believe that I had no reason to buy some of the things she likes because my other ones don't ask for those things. I imagine trying to send her frozen lemonade... that's one of the things that's sad, isn't it?
[/quote]
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<p>Oh, yes. My daughter, who started college last Friday, is a huge fan of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch cereal, which nobody else in our house will touch. I just threw out the half-empty box of that cereal that was in the kitchen. It would be stale by the time she comes home for her first break. <em>sniffle</em></p>
<p>On the other hand, she and I had a lengthy e-mail conversation (I see in the inbox that 28 messages went back and forth) last night about the placement test and meetings that took place yesterday and their implications for today's course registration. And at the same time that we were e-mailing back and forth, she was simultaneously communicating by IM with her older brother (who happens to be home briefly but will be going back to his own campus tomorrow) about the same subject. </p>
<p>So it's not as though we're actually out of touch. It's just that her room is so empty and her cereal is in the trash.</p>
<p>"It's just that her room is so empty and her cereal is in the trash." That sums it up for me. Also, the bit about not buying the kind of food that only one kid likes. I found myself unloading lots of things from the grocery cart- because no one else will eat that cereal, tuna fish, etc.</p>
<p>Sons are hard.
He lost his phone before we had even left from dropping him off. It's been two weeks and he finally called last night - he scored a goal in the varsity's first game ( hurray ) we still don't know how classes are going, what the roommate is like, how the schedule is working out,,,,,,,
arrrghhh - must be a guy!
He takes after H, who says - "he's good! If he needed something, he'd find a way to call"
sniffle
I kissed S #2 about 50 times today - lol</p>
<p>The big thing that helps me with my sadness/emptiness is remembering that sending my children to these colleges was something not only they wanted, I wanted it as well. I groomed them to think about this separation when they were young; I encouraged them to choose colleges that would foster independence. We have an excellent state university only four miles from home. Both kids have done science research, language tournaments and musical studies at the university. They know it as well as their high school. We pass it almost every day on our way somewhere else. Eight of their friends attend. This kids are as bright and accomplished as mine. Their parents had different ideas of what they wanted for their kids. So, this is something I wanted, not because I wanted them to be away from me, but like so many posters here, my children have been the central endeavor of my life, and I want every stitch in the tapestry to be as beautiful as we all can make it. State U is good; their experiences are different and wonderful opening up possibilities of things they haven't experienced before. I wanted this for them.</p>
<p>Having children present almost every day for 20 years has been a gift, but so many things, even the most wonderful, do end. I have lost many treasured people in my life and many treasured life styles; I feel like I have lived many lives. Here comes a new one.</p>
<p>One gift children gave me was the permission, in my mind anyway, to shelve some of my own problems that I couldn't solve and concentrate on them instead. Guess what? The problems are still there, and when I open the closet door these unresolved issues come tumbling out. Now's the time.</p>
<p>I miss my children. Probably always will. But I still think we parents are unbelievably lucky. I know it sounds so corny but they have enough to eat, live in localities without land mines, are spared civil war and have the luxury of attending excellent educational institutions. Probably about 5% of kids in the world have this. So we are lucky watching them have the nourishment they need.</p>
<p>07DAD: I enjoy your posts. I just want to add that I tried to foster independence in my son, but he fought me on this. When he was little and finally weaned (at his instigation, and I was happy to comply) he dropped every bottle. He wouldn't hold a bottle until he was ready to drink from a cup. For a while I hypochondriacally diagnosed him with every neurological and muscular condition that might afflict babies (didn't take him to doctor, why stop the fun?). He just wanted me to do it for him. So yes, I do have more anxiety about this separation than I did from my very independent daughter. But I did not want to keep him by me. And on a positive note, he went to Rome with his school's Latin students when he was 14 and went off to the forum with only two friends and their limited sense of direction. He led the way. So I know he can succeed away from me when there <em>is</em> no one to hold the bottle for him. The Rome trip? That was scary, but I realized I had only two choices: let him go or not let him go. So I let him go.</p>
<p>Totally agree with mythmom - it's exactly what we hope for and we are unbelievably blessed/lucky. I spend much of my work day involved with multi-handicapped children and their parents --- a very fast way to appreciate the circumstances my almost adult son is in. Having said all that, however, I still find myself sad that this stage of our life together is over. I know the next one will be fun too, but my sadness is for me, not for him! Or - after being on campus - maybe I'm just jealous! :)</p>
<p>Mine lost his phone day 2; it is day 7 and he has not called yet. I am hopeful that he will call by day 14. And, this is the son that I thought would call every day, or maybe every other...but certainly every third...</p>