<p>i will soon be entering year two of the empty nest. i would love to say it was wonderful, but i couldn't be dishonest. </p>
<p>i loved being a mom. i loved taking care of my kids and their friends. we have had so much fun and have always had a houseful--and i mean houseful--of friends and kids. </p>
<p>i was excited and happy at first when my youngest went to school, but as the year went on, i began to realize how much i missed all the activity. </p>
<p>last night i went to visit my oldest son. he is still in school but recently rented a great little house. i was so delighted and surprised to see how he was able to move in and make his house look like a home. we brought him a grill and he cooked dinner for us. it was so interesting to watch him in his own kitchen. i had to chuckle as i watched him clean everything up--never really thought he knew how! </p>
<p>i know i will be sad in a few days. i have been in denial that summer was swiftly passing by. hopefully the sadness will be a bit less this year. i just know that once they leave for school, they never really come home to "live" again. they come home to visit, they come home to rest and refresh, but they never really live with you again.</p>
<p>I'm also excited that ZG is going off to her dream school to have the experiences we worked so hard to give her. But I'm not quite ready to let go, either. Like WBOW, I know that she will never live at home again and that breaks my heart. Maybe it's because I always had to work, but I feel like I've been cheated out of many of the hours we should have had together. Who knows? I think underneath, I'm jut not sure where I will fit into the life of this competent, special young woman who no longer needs me in the same way. The relationship will be all about choice now, and I don't yet know where this person whom I love so dearly -- the person who made me a mom -- will choose to place me in her new life.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, the time you spent working was an important part of the example you set for your daughter -- she is who she is in part because of the things she learned from having a working mom. We all do our best within our own situations to be the best parents we can be. She is the person who made you mom, but you are one of the people who made her who she is today. And she sounds (based on previous posts) like an awesome young woman. </p>
<p>I'm sure she will find a place for you in her new life!</p>
<p>Zm, I like the way you put it- "The relationship will be all about choice now, and I don't yet know where this person whom I love so dearly -- the person who made me a mom -- will choose to place me in her new life." Isn't that the truth.
We take S2 to college in a week. I am dreading coming home to an empty house. H does not say much but I know he feels the same way.</p>
<p>" I am dreading coming home to an empty house. H does not say much but I know he feels the same way."</p>
<p>I think it's finally hit hubby because ZG is HIS. At least to hear him tell it. He was unemployed in her babyhood and took care of her (quite well) in a way that he didn't with the others. We have an entire book of the most hilarious pictures of him doing daddy things with this tiny baby. ZG in her baby seat at home plate while daddy (who was a minor league pitcher) tosses her the ball. Stuff like that. It really struck him over the weekend that when we make the trip to college in two weeks, she won't be returning home with us. He's going to focus on lofting the bed on move-in day and I'm going to focus on "cutifying" the room to help me get through. Then we plan to stop at an ice cream shop alone before heading home.</p>
<p>wbow
don't be so sure about the "never coming home again to live" scenario. My friends 24 yr old twins have both come home again to live, one for a year and now gone again..but comes home every Sunday for a good dinner lol, and one who has been back since he graduated.She cant wait for her nest to empty again.</p>
<p>they might come home to "stay" temporarily....but it is not the same as living there. there is something totally different about your children once they've been out on their own. you may see them, they may sleep overnight, they may live there while saving money or looking for a place, but they never "live" there the same way again. </p>
<p>that should be just what we want, but it still is a sad realization.....</p>
<p>I'm going to put another plug in for the parents of kids who are leaving before yours. My D doesn't leave until Sept. 1 - but many of her friends are leaving a couple of weeks earlier - a few of them have moms who I know are on the edge of tears already - I will be sure to give them a call and meet them for coffee/lunch to give support and to share our tears together....</p>
<p>I'm having the hardest time with the one who is leaving to start his "grown-up" life in LA. My other 2 will be in college and have the usual vacations etc,. at least some of which I can expect they will spend at home. I know what it's like to set up a dorm room, to get im's and e-mails freshman year and seldom thereafter (!), to be a "college mom"! So even though baby girl is leaving and the nest will be empty, I'm dealing with that right now. It's the oldest who's moving across the country to start a new job that I have the hardest time with. He wants no help with his apartment, says he can do it himself (good thing), but I have visions of him sleeping on the floor and eating Thai take-out from paper plates for months. Good thing he just got back from China, at least he has gorgeous chopsticks! He's been here for 4 days and I just want to buy out Traget and BB & B, but he keeps saying, "it's ok Mom, I'll deal with it when I get there." It's hard, this totally accepting that he's an adult starting life in the real adult world. I just don't think he gets how hard its going to be to do all this stuff with working full time. Deliveries, DMV, utilities, phone etc...its hard to get all that done while you're working 60 hours a week. Oh well, maybe he'll call and ask me to come out...I'll be on the first plane.
Thanks for listening to me vent. As the days creep towards his departure I realize what a monumental step this is. But its the reasonable next step.</p>
<p>runnersmom: I loved the steps beyond college to the big city (NYC). He didn't need the same kind of practical help (Bed/Bath/Beyond stuff). He found his own job and apartment, made excellent decisions, met a wonderful and mature same-age girlfriend he's still with 2 years later. The phone calls came in when there were important transitions that were new to him (negotiating that first lease, juggling several job leads until one was pinned down). They need you for major stuff that's new to them, by phone or email, so reassure that you're an advisor if needed.</p>
<p>The hospitality started rolling in, "come and visit; hang out and enjoy the city with us" rather than "do xyz for me." When I visit, I get treated like a queen, not a slave. I hope you get the return on your investment of love and care, starting soon. I did!</p>
<p>Some great advice here. I'm sure I'll get through my second son leaving the nest, but I'm working to avoid the tears. I lack confidence that we have prepared son for what is ahead. And this is entirely different from how I felt about the first son, who was sent off with me thinking he could handle anything life threw at him. So, I'll do some home projects like others, work to get a job after an illness to help this son pay for school and finally look for a puppy after a year without a dog.</p>
<p>I bet the ones moving out on their own post-college would still love a care package once in a while. I've been out for 25 yrs and I still love it when Mom sends fudge for no reason!</p>
<p>I did go to my nephew who is a psychiatrist three years ago when S1 left for college and demanded I be put on antidepressant. He said, "You do not not need it, Auntie. You are just sad because G is leaving. That is just normal. I would be more worried if you were not."</p>
<p>It was a lot harder seeing S off than D, partly because he was the first and partly because we saw D off on campus (we saw S off at the airport). We love our kids immensely, but we knew that they had their own lives to lead, and this was the first step. Although we enjoy having them come home (S occasionally since he lives on the West Coast), we've also enjoyed the luxury of not having to coordinate schedules (for cars, meals, etc.) and of being able to go out and do something spontaneously.</p>
<p>In a nutshell--it's tough to let go, but it does get better!</p>
<p>Goodbye Blues, Phase 1, Separation of the Siblings: Went better than expected, (30 minutes of crying from little sister.) We'll see what happens as time unfolds. Next step: The drop off in two weeks.</p>
<p>It was tough last year dropping #1 son off at college 800 miles from home. A few tears on my part, but we were on vacation for the next week so the fun activities helped keep my mind busy.</p>
<p>I am now 13 days from putting #2 son (17 years old) on an airplane for an 11 month stay in Germany as a high school exchange student. We'll see him for a few days next May. Then when he returns in late July we'll have him home 3 weeks before he heads for college 200 miles away. I can't even think about it without getting teary, especially since he is our last.</p>
<p>He'll have a great time. I need a new hobby!!</p>
<p>That says it all. The only thing that got me through it last year was concentrating on that first part. And on the pride and gratitude I felt. It really did help.</p>