<p>I live in a state where it’s fine to serve your own children liquor at home. Since my kids refuse to even taste it, I assume they aren’t drinking at school either. If they were interested they could have a wine or beer with a meal like we do at home. No drinking and driving of course - and I’ll go fetch them from anywhere if they don’t have a sober ride home.</p>
<p>D1 didn’t know there were bubbling wine other than Vuvre clicquot.</p>
<p>Serving one’s own children in their own home is legal in some states and I don’t see too many objecting too much. Although we don’t, because it’s not legal in OUR state.</p>
<p>However, I don’t think the OP is discussing an occasionall glass of wine with dinner at home. I think most kids are more interested in drinking with their friends. I know of no state that allows adults to serve alcohol to minors that are not their own children.</p>
<p>So the issue as I see it is: they’ve been drinking at school so what do we do now that they’re home? The answer is: follow the law.</p>
<p>Frankly, I think that if you know your child does occasionally drink at college, and you forbid it in your home during the summer, you’ll only encourage them to drink elsewhere and perhaps drive. I would rather my kids have an occasional beer or glass of wine in my home where I know they won’t be driving afterwards. </p>
<p>I have a bigger fear of DUIs and accidents then I do of an occasional drink in my home.</p>
<p>We live in a big college town where the drinking scene is huge and my son (just turned 20) has been going to campus bars and parties for a while now. He’s not interested in drinking at home, I know he drinks and he knows we know he drinks. Our policy is zero tolerance for drinking and driving and he is responsible for his own behavior. Every time he goes out I say “don’t drink and drive” and he says “mom, you know I don’t drink and drive”. A lot of his friends go to school here so now he just stays with them when it’s a big night out. I know many parents who believe that their child doesn’t drink and I have heard stories from my own children about how drunk the kid was at a party. I’m not sure you can stop a college kid from drinking socially so I just make sure mine aren’t driving drunk.</p>
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<p>I am thinking bud and miller would be a step up from the cans I’ve seen in some face book photos. Yuck.</p>
<p>I’m actually surprised at how many people here seem to have some sort of drink with dinner every night. I thought that was just something that happened on TV!</p>
<p>I don’t think there are that many posters claiming to have a drink with dinner every night. We have a glass of wine while we fix dinner maybe half of the nights of the week- or a beer in summer. Nothing wrong with a drink a day at all , though.</p>
<p>I’m actually surprised at how many people here seem to have some sort of drink with dinner every night. I thought that was just something that happened on TV!</p>
<p>I’m actually surprised that you came to that conclusion. What do you base that on?</p>
<p>Back when I was growing up the choices in my household for drinks with dinner were water or iced tea. I don’t recall ever being at a friend’s house for dinner and seeing their parents beer or wine, either.</p>
<p>Of course, I was one of those rare people that didn’t drink until they were older than 21 and still do it only sparingly, so my view might be a little skewed.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your valuable input. I didn’t mean to imply that I would approve of my son drinking and driving. Like many of you said (and all of you believe, I’m sure), that issue is non-negotiable in our home, too.</p>
<p>Certainly, families differ and we owe each other that respect. I would prefer that this dilemma didn’t even exist, but it does (and not just in my house). A hot-button issue, as evidenced by the many posts in such a short time. Yet, certainly an important one that we are more aware of now as parents than in previous generations.</p>
<p>As a follow-up, for those of you who have actually lived through this, how was the reaction of your son/daughter?</p>
<p>When I was growing up my parents and their peers drank quite a bit- way too much, in my opinion. Martinis, Scotch… It seemed to be the basis for the social life. Many of my friends reported the same thing. I don’t drink a fraction of what my parents did.</p>
<p>My parents always have wine with dinner. MOWC, they too were among the martini/manhattan generation! We often, but not always, have wine. My S was in Europe for the fall, staying with a family that served wine with dinner. I had made it clear to him before he left that if he were offered wine in such circumstances he could accept, but that it was important that he not drink to excess.</p>
<p>When he came home he had turned 20, and I offered him a glass of wine with dinner if we were having it. I prefer that he learn to drink in a civilized manner than have only the example of college keggers and blotto students to follow.</p>
<p>I am almost completely certain that he didn’t drink in HS. I am fairly certain that he has probably indulged in college. To what degree I don’t know, but if he had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance apparently I would know because he would have been arrested.</p>
<p>I have always made it clear that drinking and driving was completely unacceptable, and that getting into a car with a driver who has been drinking is suicidal. I’ve told him since middle school that I will come and get him, no questions asked, anywhere, anytime.</p>
<p>I have never served anyone else’s kid any kind of alcohol, except a 20 yr old European exchange student who had served in his country’s army already and who was legally allowed to drink at home, who had the occasional beer or glass of wine with us. As S and his HS friends turn 21 I suppose I will serve them–cautiously!-- but not if they are driving. And I may well talk to their parents about it first, just to make sure they are cool with it.</p>
<p>I’ve had periods of my life where I had wine or beer with dinner every night. (Definitely the five years in Germany.) Now we just have it on weekends, but that’s because our metabolisms have slowed down and it’s easier on our pocketbooks. I couldn’t possibly drink like my parents. They had a martini (or two!) before dinner every day, wine with dinner and the occasional drink after dinner. Everyone in the foreign service seemed to drink like that. And from the time I was 16 or so I’d be offered drinks at adult parties.</p>
<p>My dad was in the Navy and my parents drank like that too, martinis, daquiris, whiskey sours before dinner, then wine with dinner. Their social lives were a lot more oriented towards their friends, where ours, and probably a lot of people in our age group, were more oriented towards our children and their activities and their friends. I guess I’d better remedy that now that my last one is leaving, just hopefully without that much alcohol! I often have a drink with dinner but it’s just one beer or a margarita.</p>
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<p>It actually has never come up. Our 20 yr old college son does drink at school. I’m reasonably sure he does not give it up when he returns to our home state. We have not offered any adult beverages other than toasting champagne on holidays. It is possible that he pops a beer in the summer after we go to bed, but I doubt it. He does at least pretend, in our house, to uphold the law. That’s all I can expect. He’s responsible for himself and his decisions when he’s off the property and on his own.</p>
<p>H and I are regular wine and beer drinkers before, with dinner and after. Both kids have grown up with plenty of alcohol in the house. But they do understand that it’s an adult activity and they’ll get there soon enough. Kinda like having to wait to get a driver’s license.</p>
<p>I’m with MOWC I don’t drink near as much as my parents. My mom made a pitcher of martinis every day and chilled it off in the fridge ready for when my dad came home. They used to get dressed up every weekend and go to the club or to someone’s house or have crowds of people to our house and head to bed happy as kites in a March wind. I remember falling asleep to the sound of Dave Brubeck, ice chinking and adults having a good time. My H and I are downright “staid” we don’t want kids and alcohol in our home and tell the kids it’s illegal and it puts us in a terrible liability position to boot. They also know we will pick them up anytime, anywhere no questions asked rather than allow them in a car with a driver who has been drinking. We’ve also let the kids drink beers once in a while under certain circumstances after they were 18. We know they drink – it’s everywhere and there is always an older brother or sister who can legally buy. We just try to balance the law and our own feelings and reality. It’s a toughie. People just have to figure out what their position is then stick to it. Oddly enough I think my 21 year old probably drinks less than he did as a college freshman. The “thrill” does wear off eventually.</p>
<p>My parents were entertaining my (younger) sister’s boyfriend’s parents one evening and after quite a few martinis, my father tried to refill the glass of the bf’s mother. She pulled her glass away and he poured the martinis right in her lap! Fun times on High Point Lane!
To this day I can’t drink a martini. My friends and I would get into the parents’ vodka now and then.</p>
<p>Both our S’s drink/drank at college (oldest is 23 and out on his own now, youngest is 20).
They don’t stop when home for visits but never bring alcohol into our house.
All the drinking is done out with friends. Unless you follow them all over town, no way to stop it. </p>
<p>They don’t drink and drive. I’ve gotten quite a few calls over the years saying “I’m sleeping over at Friend’s house”. For that bit of good sense I am grateful.
S2 celebrated his birthday with friends over Christmas break. The next a.m. he was in his bed but his truck was not in the driveway. A friend had driven him home. DH drove him back to friend’s house (only a mile away) that a.m. to get his truck, no questions asked…again, grateful for good sense and good friends.</p>
<p>I wish they didn’t drink but at their ages, I can’t stop it. They know I’m not happy about it. Of course DH always reminds me that we did some pretty dumb things at their age too.
When they walk out the door to go out with friends or just to drive back to school/work, I always say “Be safe and be smart” and hope they’re listening.</p>
<p>I’m 18 and my parents have always allowed me to drink at home. I mean, they don’t let me get sloppy drunk, but I can have wine/beer at dinner if I’d like. </p>
<p>My whole family’s like that. All family functions have alcohol available, and most of us begin drinking around 12-14. Like last Christmas, myself and my 2 other underage cousins all had a few beers after dinner. It wasn’t a big deal.</p>
<p>When I go to college, alcohol will not be a big thing. I’ve grown up with it, and it’s never been taboo…I think it’s a good approach for parents</p>