<p>my daughter is in addiction program mandated by her college. She was caught a few times drinking at dorm parties and once with marijuana. She doesn't have many problems and have been sober for almost 4 months now. the counselor insists on more sessions and I personally dont feel she needs it and i personally dont want to continue flushign money down the toilet. What is the best approach to getting the counselor to end her sessions.</p>
<p>It takes some pretty hard core drinking to land yourself in a 4 month mandatory rehab program at most colleges. Rather than trying to get your daughter out of the program, I’d be taking the counselor’s recommendations very seriously.</p>
<p>If you truly want her out of the program, you could have her leave the college. However, they might require competition of that or a similar alcohol rehab program before readmission.</p>
<p>I would look at it more long term, if indeed your DD was caught, but really does not have any true addiction, get on your knees and thank God, because you dodged a bullet.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose kids problem arose when he was arrested for drugs, and it was not pretty and he is brilliant. I am not kidding when I say be grateful, it is sad and shocking and scary to see some one deal with this. I am not trying to belittle your financial involvement, but do want you to see how lucky you truly are if what you said is accurate, I have seen the pain of others and I would not wish that on any one.</p>
<p>But you do not know for certain that is the case, she is either careless/stupid/addicted/unlucky to have been caught on several occasions. If it were my kid I would ask for random drug testing over the next 6 months to verify there really is no problem.</p>
<p>Your DD has something going on to be caught repeatedly, if she is in mandated counseling, give it a chance, Sometimes those things are perfunctory, like a person with a DUI attending alanon, sometimes with counseling it takes a while to break through the barriers, so if the counselor still wants to see your DD, maybe he or she is not fund raising, but is seeing something in your DD, some weakness that caused her to be vulnerable to peer pressure and poor decision making.</p>
<p>Even if there is no addiction, she is engaging in risky behaviour if she was caught more than once in the dorm with substances and she continued to use it, be that drugs or alcohol</p>
<p>no, she has been sober for 4 months. she got caught drinking 3 times, all at weekend dorm parties and once with pot(no other substances-i personally drug tested her).<br>
I spoke to her and she says she only drinks socially once or twice a week with friends. She also said she smokes once in a blue moon. i understand that it is wrong but having gone through college myself, I understand the college atmosphere. I strictly warned her that if you gets in trouble again, I am making her pay for her own education. i have been testing her randomly almost once every two weeks. </p>
<p>it seems like i am defending my daughter but knowing her very closely and watching her very vigilantly, i feel she does not need to continue with counseling</p>
<p>She got in trouble sometime in novem and been attending weekly sessions since late January.</p>
<p>I suggest you get out of her way and let her take her lumps. She needs the program to grow up a bit and understand the consequences of her actions.<br>
You may understand the college atmosphere but as others have said if she was caught multiple times she needs to reconsider her behavior.
My kid was caught once and he figured out that he needed to tone it down.<br>
The fact that you are randomly testing her yourself shows that you aren’t sure about her behavior.</p>
<p>Actually, the sixth month begins the really tough time. That’s when people get cocky, give up therapy and AA groups, and often regress. I’d definitely want her in treatment through next 4 months.</p>
<p>I don’t understand the financial burden, if she is utilizing the college counseling program. AA groups are free.</p>
<p>well i only test her to make myself more comfortable. But i hope you do understand that it is close to 150 per session and with these economic times, it is quite a lump sum. money aside, the counseling service only talks about the physical and psychological harms of drugs readily aviailible on the internet and in books. I took away her bank card and only left her with a credit card so i know what she spends her money on. it may seem a little like the patriot act but it makes sure she doesnt have the means to percrue drugs. Besides that fact, I need her to register for summer classes. she attends a small LAC so classes are pretty limited</p>
<p>and to further explain, i am not in denial, but she doesnt drink 24/7. she only drinks socially. she is not an alcoholic nor a drug addict, just kinda stupid. she figured she got away the first 3 times with only a citation, there is no real troubles</p>
<p>I’m confused by what you’ve said. Has your daughter been sober for four months or does she drink socially once or twice a week? </p>
<p>In either case, the counseling should end when the counselor says your daughter is ready. You’ve been testing your daughter for substances, you do not know what is going on in counseling.</p>
<p>I think it’s a mistake to get her out of the program if her counselor feels she needs it. More than likely due to privacy issues, the counselor knows far more about her alcohol/drug use than you do, and the counselor also is experienced dealing with students who have those kind of problems. While the program is expensive, a worse problem would be having your D get into serious problems related to drug/alcohol use – problems that may have been avoided with more treatment.</p>
<p>I also suggest that you have your D be responsible for paying the treatment costs either by cutting back on her allowance or expecting her to work and repay what you’ve paid.</p>
<p>I used to work in the substance abuse field, in fact treated more than 1,000 substance abusers and their families, so I am familiar with the kind of situation you’ve encountered.</p>
<p>Just because you can see your D’s credit card purchases doesn’t mean you know all of the details of how she spends her money. Females also can get free drugs/booze from guys. Often women don’t have to spend a penny to get drugs or alcohol.</p>
<p>She got caught in November. Before that, she drank once or twice a week. She has been sober since she got in major trouble. </p>
<p>she has been attending sessions since january. I been drug testing her randomly every two weeks. besides that one time in novem, her tests afterwards has been clean. It only came up for marijuana. nothing else. </p>
<p>how do i know what is covered in sessions. i have talked to the director and my daughter has shown me the hand outs</p>
<p>i have also clearly stated, that if she get caught by either the school or myself to be still on drugs, i will stop payment of her tution.</p>
<p>It’s possible to get a clean drug test even if one is using drugs.</p>
<p>“I spoke to her and she says she only drinks socially once or twice a week with friends. She also said she smokes once in a blue moon.”</p>
<p>Virtually everyone who gets into trouble for substance abuse minimizes the amount of alcohol or drugs they use.</p>
<p>northstarmom, I also find the faith in the tests and the daughters word to be questionable. Then there is the idea that the daughter cannot procure drugs because the parent can see the credit card transactions. I have no idea what is going on here but there are red flags that I find troubling. </p>
<p>yorker88, The counselor made their suggestion. Unless the school will allow you to decide when her mandated counseling is over, you’re stuck. Call and ask the college what their policy is and go from there.</p>
<p>A drug test is a drug test. I understand that it is not entirely accurate and I understand that taking away her bank card is not 100% foil proof but it is something. and somehting is always better than nothing. The only thing is my daughter is on a pre-med track and I dont want her to not be able to graduate on time. that is my main concern. money is a little tighter with half of my husbant’s 401k wiped out by the markets but I still live rather comfortably. from my opinion, and even my insurance’s(my husbant’s insurance refused to pay since she has been sober for so long) , she doesnt really need it but the school required it so i signed her up for group conseling
i know my daughter doesnt do drugs and drink alcohol on a regular basis because her grades in her very tough pre-med track exemplies that she does work the majority of time. last time i checked, my daughter is not a genius and to do as well as she is doing she has to be doing her work</p>
<p>" The only thing is my daughter is on a pre-med track and I dont want her to not be able to graduate on time. that is my main concern. "</p>
<p>Graduating on time isn’t going to matter in the long run. Continuing to have a drug or alcohol problem is something that could totally ruin her life.</p>
<p>Going to sessions “since January” isn’t very much time to address a drug/alcohol problem that potentially is very serious since your D has been caught 4 times – 3 times with booze, once with marijuana.</p>
<p>“she doesnt really need it but the school required it”</p>
<p>? I doubt that you’re qualified to determine whether your D needs treatment. I’ve known experienced drug counselors who themselves were recovering alcoholics and/or drug addicts who didn’t recognize the signs that their own beloved children needed treatment.</p>
<p>I think it’s a mistake for you to be second guessing the school and the counselor. You’re giving your kid the message that what she did was normal and expected, which isn’t true.</p>
<p>If you are drug testing her that is really smart, users are liars and minmizers, so you have proof that she is not using, excellent.</p>
<p>A pre-med kid is probably pretty book smart, but to receive not 1, not 2, but 3 citations for alcohol in the dorms and get caught with pot, too, shows either stupidity, gullibility to peer pressure (it is often the newbies who get caught and the old pros who don’t), or a cry for help.</p>
<p>A citation for illegal substances, even MIP alcohol, is not something to be taken lightly. I think med school apps will ask about this disciplinary act, and presenting multiple infractions is not great for proving common sense.</p>
<p>YES- your DD should be paying this herself, if you are giving her spending money, deduct this from it, if she has a summer job have her pay it back then, whatever and whenever, she needs to feel the pain of being silly and getting in trouble.</p>
<p>It may be that a particular program is not serving your DDs needs, can you transfer her to some one else? Is there a sliding scale to reduce the fee?</p>
<p>I can see that a particular class could be like taking traffic school-designed to meet state guidelines and not necesarily very helpful. For $150 you should be able to get a one on one counselor appt, can you get approval to switch to that?</p>
<p>And yes, broke people get drugs all the time :(</p>
<p>“If you are drug testing her that is really smart, users are liars and minmizers, so you have proof that she is not using, excellent.”</p>
<p>Drug users can manage to fool tests administered by professionals, so even with so-called clean drug screens, a person can be using.</p>
<p>well my insurance company stated since she was sober for more than two months, they refuse to cover any or it. </p>
<p>She only did volunteer work the last few summers and she is attempting to find a job but in economy ravaged florida, it is kinda hard expecially with no work experience at all. She part times at a fast food place but her hours are incredibly short. </p>
<p>i am not a medical professional by any means but i know the difference between alcoholics and stupid college kids. I understand that drug abuse and alcoholism is a major problem. But as long as someone is not dependent or addicted and it doesnt provide a major problem I have nothing against alcohol. visit any frat house or college dorm room on the weekend and i am more than sure you will find alcohol. We all been to college and most of us cannot say we stayed dry our freshman, sohomore years. Weed, that presents more of legal problem and i am more concerned about that. her test proved positive the first week but upon the second week when i tested her she was clean indicating very infrequent use</p>
<p>Frankly, even if everything you say is true, why don’t you want the messages hammered home to DD after she got caught 3 times? That’s not easy to do at most schools, so she had flagrant disregard for the rules or was drinking/smoking more than you think. Either way, I’d want my kid to be miserable enough in those classes as long as possible for it to serve as a true deterrent in the future.</p>
<p>And I’d have her pay you back every cent. People still need babysitters.</p>
<p>I just read the book “Beautiful Boy” by David Sheff. He is a journalist who describes his son’s addiction and their family’s efforts to understand it. It is brutally honest.
The major lessons in the book include the fact that addicts/users lie to continue using, that under-reacting to early warning signs of substance abuse is dangerous, and that parents lose much of their legal power to handle these situations once a child turns 18.</p>