Drugs, Sex and You at Boarding Schools

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>This is being posted for the following reasons:
-Discussion on the problems and what a parent needs to know(My dad wants to know badly)
-Realize that it isn't hard to pull the wool over the eyes of even the most watchful school admins
-Have a place where people can speak their minds on this specific part of boarding school life</p>

<p>THIS IS NOT MEANT TO SCARE/OFFEND/WORRY PARENTS, 90% OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW AT BOARDING SCHOOL ARE PRETTY RULE ABIDING.</p>

<p>I've been thinking about posting this for a while, but I wanted to get a look and think about it before...
I only visited really top schools and all the schools i am telling stories from are house hold names if you will.
My dad and I went on visits. I know around 20 people from these schools and all of them told me that it was just like public school in only one way.Drugs. I thought they were joking, but when I went on visits these are a few stories/conversations I had with tour guides and my friends(Some are of other schools I am applying to, I don't want to name specifics)</p>

<p>Last year:
A PREFECT picked by the teachers at a small religious school was subjected to a search. $50,000 dollars in cash was found in his room along with a rather large amount of drugs mostly on the "lower scale"(Marijuana mainly). Around 10 people were connected to purchases and they were kicked out, many people avoided getting the boot... I don't know how, but they said they only found out about a small portion of the kids. Three kids got the boot for Tylenol abuse... I laughed a little, but still.</p>

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<p>Recent Trend:
My tour guide asked me if I did drugs, cause he said I seem the type. I said no man, but what do people do for fun? He said around 35% of the kids get high in the woods at least once a year. Several girls were caught with cocaine(A hard drug... I was shocked for once). Overall, the drug usage is more extensive among the students, but not as intense as the average school.</p>

<hr>

<p>Trend:
A friend of mine lives in a dorm that is a big hang out on campus. He said his freshman year the seniors would just get high(Marijuana) and have sex with their girlfriends. The entire freshman section of the dorm(including my friends) had either tried or developed consistent usage of Marijuana by the end of the term. Some of the olders guys straightened up the younger ones and from what I hear it was a phase caused by the placement of older guys with weed habits with younger guys. Just a bunch of druggies got put in the same dorm... Random.</p>

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<p>A Trend:
One of my friends told me that she met with her boyfriend at 5am on a consistent basis(every other week) to have sex. She said that some people meet every other day and that the school really doesn't do anything when they catch people beyond a week of 7 pm curfew. And that basically kids picked sex or drugs and just went with whatever. </p>

<p>NB:
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO SCARE/COMPLAIN/OFFEND or do anything except inform and offer up a place to discuss it. Mainly, I just want to hear what people think and even my dad was a little rattled by Cocaine use and he wants a word of closure from me to ease his mind... I have nothing so whatever you are thinking post it. I don't go to boarding school so what do I know about this(in concerns with a first person view)?</p>

2

<p>Why are you so scared?
Its not a big deal. Its not like they are going to make you do that. You cant stop people from doing it. But you can stop yourself.
Everyone can be above the influence.
I have friends who do stuff like the things you mentioned above but I don't do it.
It's not as if this does not happen in private day schools or public high schools.
Just make sure YOU don't do these things.</p>

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<p>That isn't the point. The point is I just think that some people are slightly on the naive/skeptical side and I was probably one of them at first. My personal choice isn't up for discussion either.</p>

<p>I just want to hear what people have to say on the issue. Just trying to get some insight on what people have heard(In particular parents and students).</p>

4

<p>I think Aussie makes some excellent points. I am a parent, with some life experience, I can say that you will face pressure and temptation in many environments in your life and you have to look at your core values and make your own decision.</p>

<p>I think the real issue here is what happens to students who are kicked out in the middle of a school year from a transgression which would have been dealt with within the home, had they been in public school. Boarding school students run the risk of colleges knowing about these situations and it can be harmful. I know of a 17 1/2 year old who was kicked out in April of his junior year for a second offense of drinking. He wasn't able to get into another school, missed several weeks, finally getting into a public school where he couldn't continue many of his AP classes. He really messed up his record, in addition to have a dismissal/withdraw on his application. It hurt him tremendously in the college application process. Had he attended a public school and was caught drinking like many other almost 18 year olds, he would have been grounded by his parents and life would just go on. </p>

<p>I think that is a real issue with boarding school that hasn't been addressed here. I know of one school that dismissed 38 kids last year, and another one mentioned on here often that let 11 go for drinking or drugs. It can really be a big number of students if you think about it.</p>

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<p>I am not afraid at all, I was actually telling my dad that the enviroment would be better so there is less to worry about. All in all I don't want to discussion my personal choices and the like, but the 2nd half of your post was what I was looking for.</p>

<p>I would really rather not discuss my personal choice in this matter.</p>

<p>And man... it sounds like the colleges that you can go to are excellent after boarding school but your career is destroyed after a slip up.</p>

6

<p>Wait....isn't there a thread about this already?
One gossip thread is enough young man.</p>

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<p>This isn't gossip. The point is I want to hear about people's experience and opinion in regards to the rougher side. I mean my parents keep asking me what is the silver lining, is there something that I am missing in all of this? They just want me to soul search I guess and they do have a point. I should know more about the boarding school enviroment and such.</p>

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<p>This is not a thread about gossip, and I think raises important issues.</p>

<p>All schools, public, private, and boarding will have these issues. The question is: how do the schools deal with them? Second question then becomes: do you and your family agree with those policies? For example, some have zero tolerance, some have second chances, etc.</p>

<p>This thread has some related information:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/297688-dark-side-boarding-schools-least-stuff-they-don-t-volunteer.html?highlight=dark+side%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/297688-dark-side-boarding-schools-least-stuff-they-don-t-volunteer.html?highlight=dark+side&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>Well im not in middleschool or a freshman or anything so all the stories sound pretty obvious to me. The only thing that sticks out is cocain, and 50k in a room. How does he make 50k off drugs and they only catch 10 people!</p>

<p>thats crazy..but I mean kicking people our for drinking is pretty crazy. Drugs I can understand..but drinking is almost an inevitable part of highschool sooner or later at a party.</p>

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<p>I believe in second chances and would think twice about going to/sending your child to a "zero tolerance" school. Teens will be teens and will make mistakes. However, second offense for the same "crime", imho, you deserve what you get.</p>

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<p>why not talk about it?</p>

<p>people will "gossip" at any age, dear.</p>

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<p>Italian boarder never mentions his mother. Perhaps a female perspective is important here. No one is condoning drug use or teen sex, however the situation is not black and white. Some students have difficulty finding productive ways of relaxing and get into trouble. Most are still bright and have things to offer. Perhaps the most important features are the support system that these students have, both parents and in school. We looked for a school that has an extremely high retention rate, unfortunately for him italian boarder decided not to apply there.</p>

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<p>Oh my.
You people are so hostile.</p>

<p>Well of course this raises important issues but my point is we already have one thread about it. Calm you butts down...you too west coast.
I don't see why this needs to be discussed further. The answer is pretty simple. Dont do no damn drugs!
My school is zero tolerance. All the Founder Schoools are. This includes Choate, Deerfield and Hotchkiss.
You get caught with a joint and you are out. No questions asked.
I already gave my insight and if you aren't satisfied then fine.</p>

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<p>aussie</p>

<p>i was just leaving a short comment derived from my inner bitter self (:
anyways
it's an interesting read, you have to admit</p>

15

<p>lol
Its ok.
Its just that I find this thread redundant really.
I know for a fact so many people are going to leave me very mean comment but my parents knew there were a lot of junkies in the schools I applied to no matter what the admissions rep. said. I just told them I I I I I I I I I ( ME ) was not going to do it.</p>

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<p>What you described, italianborder, sounds like every high school on the face of this planet.</p>

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<p>We had a conversation with our son that kind of mirrors what NYer said. We are not stupid enough to think that this kind of stuff is not going to happen at any school. However, we have chosen - as a family - a school that you can get kicked out of if you make bad choices. Same behavior at home, different punishment from the school point of view. </p>

<p>There is a theory (just repeating here) that the more day students there are, the more readily available drugs tend to be at a school. Students get them (obviously) from off campus. Who goes off campus the most? Day students. Not a commentary that day students are "bad" kids, just that it is more available to them. Does that mean that schools that are 100% boarding have no drugs? Of course not.</p>

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<p>So, as someone at boarding school right now, this is what I have to say: </p>

<p>Some Things About Sex In Boarding School
~Sex is one million times more prevalent than drugs...it happens everyday, everywhere, with almost everyone by senior year. That's just how it is.
~You can come into boarding school as "prude" as possible, but I can guarantee you that innocence will not withstand freshman year.
~ By the end of freshman year, roughly 20% of your grade has had sex, by the end of sophomore year, it goes up to 46%, by junior it's about 50%, and by the end of senior year it's probably around 60%.
~ We are around people of the opposite sex ten times more than you are at home. Things are bound to happen, regretfully or not. </p>

<p>That is not to say that you can't avoid sex at boarding school, you obviously can, but you have to approach boarding school, as you would any high school, knowing that it will be around you, and it's not something that isn't there. It's obviously there and highly active. </p>

<p>Some Things About Drugs And Drinking At Boarding School:
~ The higher the percentage of day students, the harder it is to keep drugs off campus.
~ People do drink on weekends, and do smoke. A lot of them don't get caught, but it's never worth the risk. At NMH you have a face to face check in on every weekend night, so the chances that they will sense something is up is so incredibly high that it's really not worth risking anything.
~ Disciplinary actions for drinking or doing drugs is very intense, and you will get kicked out of school more quickly than you can get that joint, and light it. </p>

<p>Once again, this is high school. You have to come into it expecting everything that you would with any high school, though I do think there is less of it at boarding school than there is at most schools. It's hard not to encounter such things as any high school student, and the same applies to boarding school. The important thing is to think about how your actions will effect you in the future, and to be safe. Just be smart.</p>

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<p>Another interesting aspect of it... Does the end justify or excuse the means/conduct?
The END: A good college, world class education and experience
The Mean/Conduct: How people act/behave/go about things during their time at boarding school</p>

<p>Two kids from a top school said, "It is not like we are failing out of schools, all in all we are basically young adults and we are mature enough to make that decision. Being smart and independent and all..." This was during the summer and they just completed their freshman year so i don't know if their views will change...This was in regards to light drug use and sex by the way..</p>

<p>And I can't say that I disagree with that idea. The law is in place to safely, effectively and consistently ensure that the lowest tier of intelligence, skill and execution can remain safe, function without causing altercations with the general population and not endanger the state.(Most of the laws that I am discussing)</p>

<p>I just sort of drafted that up to summerize what I feel and believe. The arguement is that boarding school attendants generally are in a higher tier that is almost above the law. I AM NOT SAYING THAT ANYONE IS ABOVE THE LAW. I am saying that the level of intelligence and independence present in the individual allows the individual to bend/break the laws and assume the same risk/less risk than another individual of a lesser skill set would assume by committing those actions.</p>

<p>That is my belief, I am not saying every kid at boarding school is of the highest tier... A majority might be. I really cannot say either way, but that is the way that I believe the law is meant to function.</p>

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<p>...The law is meant to form a more perfect union and establish justice as said in the Preamble of the Constitution. Different classes or "tiers" already are present in society in relation to income, I don't think the same should happen with education. Being smart does not withhold us from the pressures that any other kids in the world might face. Yes, some people handle it better than others, but until the law allows nobody is above it. </p>

<p>There's a such thing as Thoreau's civil disobedience and there is also just pure stupidity. No one says that trying something is bad, but thinking one person is more justified than someone else, because of education, to try out drugs or sex is absurd in my opinion. This is coming from a private school kid, so no I didn't take any personal offense to what you said. Just wanted to state my opinion.</p>