The Dark Side of Boarding Schools (or at least the stuff they don't volunteer)

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>No, this is not an expose. It's a question. Or a bunch of questions...regarding the elephant in the room. You see, while I'm VERY supportive of BS for my S, there are still some things about boarding schools...specific and general...that I want to learn more about. Things I haven't really satisfied myself that I know as much about as I should know. </p>

<p>Some of these questions you can ask the school directly and expect a straightforward answer; some are like asking the butcher if the meat is lean or the baker if the bread is fresh (you know what their answer will be, so it's hardly worth the effort of asking). Other questions I'm not sure if I want to ask the school unless there was some reason to ask.</p>

<p>Here's a quick list of some of the things I want to know more about:</p>

<p>1) Crime rates on campus. Property crime/violent crime...including victim advocacy and when are perpetrators dealt with in-house and when are police brought in.</p>

<p>2) Deaths and incapacitating injuries. Suicides, drownings, and other incidents that lead to a student's death or withdrawal from a BS. How often do they occur; when did the last one occur; what steps are taken to prevent such things from happening? Is there a safety committee, psychologist, etc.?</p>

<p>3) Drugs (including alcohol). How prevalent is drug use among students? How is it dealt with?</p>

<p>4) Sex. I can read the handbooks and see the steps taken regarding co-ed interaction, but -- practically speaking -- how prevalent is it, including same-sex encounters? I'm referring to consensual sex here. If it's non consensual it clearly belongs in 1, above.</p>

<p>5) Fire safety. How safe are the dorms? Are they inspected by fire marshals during the school year? Do they have sprinkler systems or are they exempt or grandfathered in?</p>

<p>6) Religion. Do students at BS just take a vacation from weekend worship services with their faith communities or is there some provision made for keeping the students connected in that way?</p>

<p>7) Health care. How can parents be assured that they're getting up-to-date medical information and to what extent are infirmary visits shielded from me by HIPAA and school rules and policies?</p>

<p>8) Mid-year withdrawals. How frequently do students withdraw from the school during the school year and what are the reasons for those withdrawals?</p>

<p>9) Covered up scandals. I want to know that a BS can deal with its problems directly and address them...as opposed to hiding them, denying them, and otherwise deflecting and obfuscating. I feel more at ease with schools where problems are dealt with transparently...because that tells me that there are solutions in place (or in the pipeline). Schools that hide from negative situations are less likely to be guarding against problems from all of the above situations that concern me. And they make me doubt the completeness of the information I'm getting.</p>

<p>So...what's the scoop? Any information to share on these issues...even if it's information on how to get quality information about these issues?</p>

2

<p>"Hazing" would be a topic of interest as well.</p>

3

<p>I'll address a few of these topics in the context of the only boarding school I have recent experience with, Milton Academy.
1. There was no violent crime that I was aware of, unless you count the incident related in #8. Sometimes locals would come onto campus and steal things out of students' backpacks. Once, a very enterprising student began a mail-order pornography business, which was shut down quickly after the FBI raided the mailroom. The student was immediately expelled.
2. No deaths or close calls. A few students got depressed and some needed to take leaves of absence. They've got a good health clinic with a consulting psychiatrist.
3. Drug and alcohol use will vary by school. At Milton, usage seemed relatively low. A few students were caught and DC'd. Every once in a while, the staff does a surprise inspection in the middle of the night to find out how much usage there is (the kids get to put any contraband they have anonymously in a paper bag before the inspection). Though it's an annoyance, it's a good way to monitor the situation. I don't know if anyone was expelled.
4. Surprise, high school students do have sex if they're determined to. About 50% of Milton students have indulged by graduation. That's about the same as at a typical public HS. Milton's "Health" classes are very good.
5. Fire safety is an annoyance because of all the fire drills. Don't know more than that. There weren't any fires.
6. Any boarding school would make provisions for religious observance. The actual rate of observance varies from school to school.<br>
7. Since your child is (presumably) a minor, you as parent have access to your child's health information. I thought the infirmary was good with their communications.
9. There was a scandal at Milton a few years back that hit all the papers. It involved a sophomore girl who was giving "services" to the boys' hockey team in the locker room. It was pretty embarrassing (though the incident could have happened anywhere, and probably does from time to time). The president sent letters and emails to all the parents and did not mince words. Dealing with the incident was difficult because evidence suggested that all parties were guilty, and yet the girl was underage, and expelling her as well as the boys would have been "blaming the victim." In the end, I think all the students involved left the school. </p>

<p>I didn't hear about hazing of any description. On the contrary, the Milton students were almost uniformly kind and supportive.</p>

<p>I advise you to bring up any of these topics with the admissions office and/or the deans at any school where you have concerns. They are likely to be more honest than you think.</p>

4

<p>Excellent topic!</p>

<p>My experiences with my D's school.</p>

<p>And believe it or not, some school administrators will talk to you about problems they have experienced in many areas and how they have dealt with them.</p>

<p>I asked some pointed questions when I went for the interview at her school and got some very direct answers. In particular, I asked about numbers 3, 4, and 7. With regards to 3 and 4, the admcom basically said that the control problems they have are most frequently centered around the interaction of day and boarding students. The school allows parents of boarders to give permission for boarding students to go home with day students, where many of the "issues" arise. In addition, the drug supply issues tend to be centered around day students who have vehicles and the ability to bring controlled substances onto campus.</p>

<p>With regard to #3, the schools are required in certain states to report such activity that they find or strongly suspect to parents of the individuals involved. In some cases, it can involve local law enforcement, due to differences in ages.</p>

<p>More importantly, the adcom's response also centered about a MBWA (management by walking around) philosophy of always having staff around and knowing the students on a very personal level. With 90+% of their faculty living on campus, the coverage can be better than most.</p>

<p>As to number 7, yes, there are some HIPAA issues in some areas of medical/mental health treatment, but those wouldn't be any different than if your son or daughter were in public school and went to the "free clinic" after school. Not that schools provide THAT kind of service per se, but particularly with mental health, there are lots of HIPAA barriers that exist and would hold true if those services were provided at your public school. But if you kid has an accident and gets a couple of stiches, you will hear about it.</p>

<p>Most importantly, once your kid is there, ask questions. My D has reported that a couple kids (from another dorm) were dismissed for #4 this year and believes that a couple more are being carefully scrutinized (i.e. random tests). There are very few secrets in a small boarding school, as tounges wag and in our case there are adult ears all over the place. My D is a "sit back and watch what is going on" type and knows who is trouble and is pretty good about staying away.</p>

<p>I think you will find with #5 that most schools ban small appliances and other potential fire hazards from dorm rooms. In addition, at my D's school everything (including clocks) is required to be unplugged before breaks. And with #5, one (non-electrical) offense (lighters, fireworks, etc.) is automatic and immediate dismissal. It is probably more strict than #3 or #4.</p>

5

<p>My personal experiences, as well as my twin sister's (who goes to a different BS):</p>

<p>1) Crime rates on campus: almost non-existant. I asked the night guards and they said we've had one intruder in the past 10 years, and he was sent away without a fuss.</p>

<p>2) Deaths and incapacitating injuries: none that I know of. There are two or three therapists on campus, even though the student body is only 200. There have been some incidents of girls with issues too great to be dealt with while in school; they are asked to leave for a safer environment.</p>

<p>3) Drugs (including alcohol): A lot of students here drink, but not on campus as far as I'm aware. It's not something I do, but a lot of my friends drink. If you're caught, it's pretty much automatic expulsion.</p>

<p>4) Sex: pretty common. I think it's more of a cultural thing. Going to a single-sex school makes it less viable than at a co-ed or public school, but it still happens. Inter-school dances have very sexual dancing but few incidents of rule-breaking. In general, this happens off campus, same as alchohol.</p>

<p>5) Fire safety: pretty safe. The fire marshall comes every year, we have restrictions on wall hangings, etc. We have fire drills all the time and there are framed copies of exit routes on the insides of all dorm room doors. However, most of these old schools are built with stone and plaster, so if a fire starts, it doesn't bode well. That's why there is such an emphasis on safety.</p>

<p>6) Religion: Schools are always careful with this topic. As a jew, I have found my needs related to leaving school for high holy days, etc., very well met, but the "nonsectarian" chapel we are required to go to every week always has a Christian bent. There is a required Christmas service modeled after Cambridge's service of lessons and carols. I hate this service and I think it's innapropriate at an unaffiliated school.</p>

<p>7) Health care: no clue, I've never been to the health center actually. I'm pretty healthy. =3</p>

<p>8) Mid-year withdrawals: very rare. This year we had two freshman leave for mental health issues and two juniors leave because they couldn't handle the work any longer. The day student went to public school and I don't know what happened to the boarder.</p>

<p>9) Covered up scandals: I don't know of any such scandals. If a DC results in a suspension or expulsion, they announce it at morning assembly by saying what the crime was and the punishment doled out. My school isn't exactly controversial.</p>

<p>10) Hazing: banned and DC if it happens. Some traditions are essentially institutional hazing, but they're very laid back. It's much, MUCH better than at public school, where I was hazed for being the only freshman on a Varsity team.</p>

<p>Hope this helps.</p>

6

<p>well dont all schools have that? heck, hazing/drugs/sex, dont they happen all the time? (lol iguess thats why they call it 'high school') </p>

<p>at idyllwild right now its pretty liberal but iguess, as w/ all schools it just depends how much ur into that kind of stuff i suppose. </p>

<p>hey i was wondering, do u guys find that the more diverse a campus is, the less hazing occurs? dunno if thats jsut my experience or what, :)</p>

7

<p>I would say in general, there are fewer horror stories than at the average high school. This is because 1) no one wants to get kicked out because you'll never get into another good school and 2) teachers/advisors don't bend rules like parents do and aren't naive about the little darlings.</p>

<p>That said, these are high schools and we are teenagers. There is sex. Some people do drugs. No one is forced to go to church.</p>

<p>Do not send a child you don't trust and don't think is mature to BS. They probably won't make it through 4 years. And actually, they probably won't make it into a good one anyway. There is considerable freedom and good judgement is called for.</p>

8

<p>death and injuries- yes..one drowned and died (i think in SPS) 2 years ago</p>

9

<p>A kid I knew pretty well growing up committed suicide while he was at Exeter. Another friend had a nervous breakdown and had to withdraw. Of course this was literally thirty years ago, so it's not exactly current information.</p>

10

<p>Yeah, and I think Exeter has reshaped itself significantly in the years since you and I were in high school. I have to temper your information with the fact that a kid at my school committed suicide (perhaps why I asked in the first place) and it didn't mean that there were copycats or that anyone -- the school included -- was at fault or would have prevented that. But, God, there's that germ of information that can quickly become a terrifying "fact" when you consider your child being at BS...alone (because you don't know his dormmates and friends)...and without people watching him (because you don't know his advisor and dorm family and teachers).</p>

<p>Again, what I'm most interested in gleaning from this thread are the ways schools address these issues, more than whether they are issues. Are the schools acting transparently and proactively or secretively and in denial? That's the ultimate question...and you can't ask it of an AdCom. It's like asking a stranger if they always tell the truth. There's only one answer you can expect. But you can ask others...and get an idea.</p>

<p>So, please...keep responding here!</p>

11

<p>
[quote]
That's the ultimate question...and you can't ask it of an AdCom.

[/quote]

I guess I'm too stupid not to know that one. I asked that question and was quite surprised at how upfront she was, assuring me that they actually expect to (and have) find these problems during the year and are quite comfortable with their processes of dealing with them. While she didn't give specific numbers (that would be not be prudent) nor identify individuals enough to exactly find out who they were, she did describe enough of the situation so that I could understand that they thoroughly knew the kids and the whys of the issues that were addressed. That was reassuring.</p>

<p>I guess if I were paranoid, I could run from any school, but at least I would like to know what I'm getting my child into and you have to ask those difficult questions if you are going to do full due diligance.</p>

12

<p>Agree. I was just making the point that every school thinks -- and will certainly say -- that they deal with their problems up front and head on. This is one of those "Is the bread fresh today?" questions I referred to above. If it's fresh, they'll say it is. If it's not, they'll say it is. Indeed, it's likely that in both cases they'll firmly believe, in their heart of hearts, that it's fresh.</p>

<p>You can ask the question. (I have.) It's not taboo. In fact, it's kind of a lob...as they're totally prepared for it. It's just that I'm hoping to glean some third-party verification for those strikingly similar responses and not base my comfort level on self-reporting. </p>

<p>The schools don't just look at scores, essays and parent statements. They also insist on recommendations from the kids' teachers, guidance counselor and some outside people...and, basically, I'm trying to base the decision on this end on a similarly expansive base of data inputs.</p>

<p>EDIT: To be clear, I did not ask all the questions I raised above with the interviewers. I think if you do that, you'll come across as a crazy parent who will never be comfortable with the idea of BS...and, thus, at best you'll be tagged as "low yield." So there's still a need for other source material to get to the bottom of these questions.</p>

13

<p>I think that my level of assurance that "the bread is fresh" is more based upon the adcom's (at my D's school) expectation of dismissing a certain number of students every year and the fact that they actively look for trouble keying in on students who don't seem to be living up to expectations. Now granted, a certain number of problems can exist that for time in students that don't exhibit deficiencies (many people are good at hiding drug/alcohol problems), but those are the ones who are not creating the climate where problems spread. And if when they do slip up, the school is quite used to dealing with it. </p>

<p>To put it into the bread analogy, they know what their bread should look and smell like and regularly and thoroughly check out loaves that don't seem right instead of waiting for someone to complain about stale bread. While not every stale loaf looks or smells wrong (or not good enough), at least they actively look to clear out the visible problems.</p>

<p>I would suspect that many top schools prefer not to be so intrusive into their students' lives as many "beautiful" families of the "beautiful" children think they are above reproach. My D's school doesn't pretend to be full of "beautiful" children, but children who can "improve their looks" with the proper oversight and nurturing. We all like to think our children are "beautiful" (mine hasn't shown any ugly yet that I know of - and we have been very intrusive in her life up to this point to verify that), but I want the school where she lives the next 3.5 years to be proactive to keep it that way.</p>

<p>Trust but verify!</p>

14

<p>anyone know or have any idea of which school has the highest/lowest drug usage?</p>

15

<p>This is a very good topic indeed.</p>

<p>In general a very small percentage of students students (1% is my ballpark estimate) will attempt frequently to bring alcohol, marijuana, ecstasy and other drugs on to campus. Often times these students are caught and expelled or forced to detox, but many times the drugs arrive successfully. However, faculty and staff make it so that people who have an aversion to drug usage are protected, and they do all in their power to catch the offenders. </p>

<p>Smoking is treated more leniently at some boarding schools, with little or no punishment for smoking off campus. However, smoking on campus, especially inside buildings, can be grounds for expulsion. Students, often PGs, could go into town and buy tobacco legally. I wouldn't say smoking is a huge problem on campus, but it definitely exists.</p>

<p>Hazing is very uncommon these days. Often times violators of school hazing rules will be unconditionally expelled, and may subsequently be the target of a civil suit from the victim's attorneys. I know of this happening on two separate occasions. Be forewarned, hazing is very distinct from practical jokes. Do not confuse the two. Practical jokes are sanctioned by many boarding schools, and there are a variety of tacit guidelines that the pranker must follow in order not to be disciplined. </p>

<p>Theft is probably the biggest issue at many boarding schools. I have dealt with theft on more than 13 separate occasions, although I was not always the victim. It is very sad to see someone you know get charged with the theft of another's property. This is the biggest concern dorm faculty have by a long shot, and unfortunately it is very difficult to combat. Make sure you bring a secure cash box or small safe if you have valuables, and NEVER leave expensive jewelry, watches, wallets, expensive electronics, DVDs, video games, etc. in common areas when you are not around. </p>

<p>Deaths and suicide are not very common. I know of one student before my time at boarding school who did attempt to hang himself from a ceiling fixture. OD'ing is not very common because all prescriptions are usually handled by the infirmary staff and kept secure. </p>

<p>Non-student crime rate - Negligible</p>

<p>Dorms are usually very fire safe, and many precautions to prevent fire are taken. Many wall-hangings and cloth items have to be fireproofed by building staff so they can be used as retardants in case of fire. </p>

<p>As for religion, some schools are more sensitive than others. My alma mater was very sensitive, and holidays of all the religions represented by the student body were recognized officially by the school. If you had a holiday that required you to worship instead of go to class, the School Ministry will arrange for you to skip any obligation on campus, and provide transportation. There are absolutely no exceptions to this rule, and teachers are not permitted to penalize students for missing class on account of religious obligations, but the student must prepare all homework beforehand and/or get assignments immediately after the obligation is completed. Chapel services were given frequently, but non are required. For school meetings, the chapel was a secular space, but now the new auditorium is open so the chapel will not be used for such things anymore. </p>

<p>Covered-up scandals exist. Period. The school administration usually covers things up for a variety of reasons, even though they are dealt with expediently. Most things like this do not involve the rest of the student body. Informing an outside news station of an event on campus without permission is grounds for expulsion.</p>

16

<p>one obvious darkside of BS is the pressure</p>

<p>I am accepted USC and U Michigan, fine institutions right? but I dare not tell anyone, people almost somehow make you feel that it's a shame not to get into the ivies, stanford etc.... Hopefully i will get into Cornell after being deferred........then maybe i can look up to other people XD</p>

<p>ok..maybe i m exaggerating a little bit, but ya...you get the idea</p>

<p>I never answer my SATs score when people ask, i think 1500s out of 1600 is a decent score, but again...it's not that good of a score to let anyone know... </p>

<p>you have to be ready to deal with this pressure as you progress into late junior and senior year</p>

17

<p>I'm sorry, I must seem very naive, but what is hazing?</p>

18

<p>It's often a rite-of-passage among friends (if you can believe it) such as dormmates, sororities/fraternities, sports teams. Some consider it a "bonding" experience. But it typically involves physical and emotional humiliation or degradation.</p>

<p>The problem is heightened by the secretive nature of hazing activities. When you're trying to become part of a group...belong to the "inner circle"...it runs contrary to that desire for acceptance for a hazing victim to report the hazing. Too often, a hazing practice comes to light only after it reaches the point where medical authorities (or the coroner) are called to clean things up.</p>

<p>Another problem with hazing is an inability to draw clear lines between other rite-of-passage exercises and what we call hazing. This can cut two ways...in that one person's acceptable substitute for hazing could be viewed by a school as hazing and some truly innocent (perhaps school-approved) rites-of-passage activities can quickly devolve into hazing before anyone realizes it.</p>

<p>As you might guess...it's an issue that won't go away. And at older schools with well-established traditions that include elements of hazing, there's a need to draw lines and often a push to press the issue to grayer areas. Schools need to be very proactive and vigilant. They can stomp it out one year only to see it pop up again the next...sort of like a Whack-A-Mole game.</p>

<p>Here's one link to refer to for more information (and to point out, it's not just a "guy" thing): <a href="http://www.4girls.gov/bullying/hazing.htm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.4girls.gov/bullying/hazing.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>SECOND EDIT: Another informative link (and follow to other pop-up links), <a href="http://www.umich.edu/%7Enohazing/whatis.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.umich.edu/~nohazing/whatis.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

19

<p>Thank you. That sounds pretty gruesome. I would hate that.</p>

20

<p>Actually Bearcat I think college pressure may is less at preps. People understand mor about good fits and are looking at schools like Deep Springs which no one ever heard of! When I choe Dartmouth over Harvard and Princeton none of my school friends were surprised, but kids at home were dumbfounded!</p>