<p>So today my son got an acceptance letter to his safety and then found out on-line that he was accepted to Tulane. He was emotionless, said "that's nice" and then basically dismissed me. </p>
<p>Throughout our tours of colleges he was basically the same. He just kept saying "I could see myself going here.", but without any excitement. I could understand not being excited about his safety (but it is guarenteed full ride), but with two acceptances under his belt I certainly expected some enthusiasm. </p>
<p>Yes, I have a kid like this! I completely understand! In our case, I think that he is a bit afraid to go off to college next year, even though a big part of him is itching to get out on his own. So he copes by acting disinterested. It’s so different than how I would behave if I were in his shoes. I want him to be excited about this process (I am!), but he is who he is. </p>
<p>When we toured colleges, he acted interested, but I would NOT use the word excited. He did his applications without too much nagging, but he didn’t bother to check his online status for a long time. I knew where he’d gotten in well before he did. He has been accepted at all the schools he has applied to so far, but he won’t hear from his first choice until February - I am hoping to see a different reaction then.</p>
<p>Yes - D#2 totally blase about the whole process. Didn’t want to do any tours, never looked at a single mailing from any school. And here’s the kicker - she should be a strong candidate anywhere she wants - 800s, state titles, multiple talents, interview skills out the wazoo. Kind of like an Olympic-caliber athlete who doesn’t particularly care for the sport. Her options are thrilling for me; I just wish she was more excited about them.</p>
<p>^^ ditto what GAdad said. It would be perhaps understandable if S was not such a strong student. He got great SAT scores without studying, and has an excellent GPA. When I talk to people about his going to college next year, they invariably say, “Oh I bet he’s so excited!” Umm, not really (but I don’t say that).
I’ve made the gap year suggestion but he’s not interested. He says he wants to get college over and done with. I think he’s thinking of it all wrong - as if it’s another 4 years of high school all over again.</p>
<p>Who selected the colleges to which your “DS” applied? Maybe he doesn’t want to leave home or a girlfriend. Some kids are reluctant to leave high school possibly due to a fear of change, fear of leaving comfort zone, or unwillingness to grow and mature. Tulane is having some difficulty attracting and retaining students due to the hurricane damage in New Orleans. Some SUNY campuses are not very attractive. This reminds me of students touring boarding schools where one parent is an alumnus and it is the parents dream of reliving his boarding school days and the student wants to stay in the local school system.</p>
<p>My daughter says almost everyone she knows is having loss of enthusiasm/second thoughts about their lists and in some cases their rolling admissions (“I hate all the schools I applied to/got into to!”) Maybe it’s burnout, maybe it’s finals coming up, maybe it’s reality check time with mom and dad about finances, maybe it’s watching other kids apply to “cooler” schools. Maybe it’s fear of leaving home.</p>
<p>I sometimes wonder if a child SHOULD go off to a “dream” school all super-excited. No school is perfect; coming down from those lofty expectations 4 or 6 weeks into the first semester can be really hard.</p>
<p>Sometimes its just reality setting in. Like, wow, I am going away from home for real. It is a little scary. It’s not a 3 week European vacation. It is a long trip into the unknown. So it can be unsettling.</p>
<p>I know kids who are graduating from college and going through the same lack of enthusiasm, as they are not ready to leave the comfortable setting of college and step into the 50-hours-a week workplace and the responsibilities that go with it.</p>
<p>jjc, I think your son is behaving in the normal range. Getting into and then going off to college is not simply a wagon load of fun; it’s stressful and scary (in addition to being exciting, fun, and a bunch of other good things). </p>
<p>I’m with dbwes: any kid who’s feeling nothing but excitement and anticipation is in for some bumps on the college road. A more realistic outlook will make for a happier kid in the long run.</p>
<p>limner - You’re probably right. D # 1 was somewhat stoic pre-college too, then got into her biggest reach early and decided not to apply elsewhere, then went through big-time buyer’s remorse - two years later she’s a sophomore and loving every minute of it.</p>
<p>My S2 is also a bit apathetic. He is in his first choice school with some scholarship money too. I suspect he is concerned about keeping his grades up the rest of the year? More worried about leaving home than he lets on? His older brother is one of those kids with very high ACT/SAT scores, excellent grades, good athlete, never in trouble,…S2 is much more normal. I worry though, I don’t want him to burn out on school before he even starts college. He still has several years ahead of him in school, I hope.</p>
<p>My son was apathetic when some of his acceptances came in. Finally he received the acceptance he’d been waiting for and became excited. Maybe your son is secretly waiting for his ship to come in. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell you or anyone, in case he doesn’t get accepted to that school. Maybe he’s afraid, because of your excitement, that you’re going to try to talk him into (pressure him into) going to one of those schools that he’s not too thrilled about. I found out later that those “maybe’s” I just listed were what was going on in my son’s head.</p>
<p>I know personally, I don’t get excited for things I expect to happen - regardless of whether the choice is what I really want to happen or not. I however can get very excited when the verdict is subject to much greater uncertainty. I only applied to three state schools that I knew I would be accepted to, so my only excitement came from getting into the Honors Program at my top choice (which, once I was at that school I realized I had been almost a lock for that too). </p>
<p>Also, if it’s someplace a student really does not want to go to, I wouldn’t expect a lot of surprise. My mom made me apply to a 6 year combined BA/MD program…and I knew I didn’t want to go there in any possible situation. When I got in, it was a surprise, but I wasn’t jumping for joy or anything.</p>
<p>Acceptance to ANY college is the ultimate confirmation that a huge change WILL happen in their lives in the near future. Of course, they are worried and stressed and not jumping up and down for joy. (Though some kids might, since they are so ready to leave home.)</p>
<p>It takes time for seniors to accept the fact that they are going to enter another stage in their lives. Only after that will they be excited and looking forward to their journey.</p>
<p>As parents we need to reassure them with support and cheer them on.</p>
<p>He’s probably just not interested in Tulane and his safety, so the admission didn’t excite him. That’s reasonable. Once he gets admitted/rejected from a school he really genuinely cares about, you’ll definitely see some emotion.</p>
<p>Some parents have been posting worrying whether your son is simply afraid of leaving his home, or has some kind of emotional problem rooted beneath this apathy. Speaking as a HS senior, I’ll tell you that there’s probably a 1% chance your son’s lack of interest means anything of the sort. Especially for very high achievers, getting into safeties is not a huge thrill. That doesn’t indicate reluctance to leave parents/friends/gf/HS.</p>
<p>I feel so much better knowing that his behavior is not unusual whatever the reason. After reading all these responses I almost hope that he doesn’t have an actual “dream” school. Wouldn’t it be convienient if we could select the school that gave the most $$, and it didn’t matter to him. Now I’m actually glad he’s apathetic. </p>
