Eating Disorder Issue - advice?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hi all. I don't really know where to start here, but I'm hoping some people can give me advice.</p>

<p>Basically, without delving into too much detail, there is a girl I know (of) who always eats enormous amounts of food at meals, yet is one of the skinniest people I've ever seen. I've tried not to judge at all up until now; I don't know her, and originally thought that maybe she just had a super fast metabolism or was a cross country runner or something. However, it's really hard to ignore when she's sitting (alone) at the table next to me eating 4 or 5 slices of pizza, a stack of 10 or 15 cookies, a full place of pasta smothered with alfredo sauce, and a grilled cheese panini. I work in the dining hall, so I've served her food before and it's pretty noticeable. I know a lot of other people notice as well, but I have a feeling that most people have similar reactions to me - they think something must be wrong, but since they don't know her, they don't want to judge. Especially since, up until now, I haven't actually had any concrete proof of anything aside from seeing her eat enormous amounts.</p>

<p>Today, though, I got up in the middle of lunch to go to the bathroom. As I was leaving the bathroom, I heard the person in the next stall throwing up - a really awful but pretty obvious noise. I thought it might be my friend who's had food poisoning, so I stood outside the bathroom and waited to see if she was okay. Instead, it was the girl I described above, talking on her phone. Without noticing me, she went right back into the dining hall and right back to eating.</p>

<p>I'm really unnerved and worried. These eating habits aren't a new thing and clearly she has a serious problem - especially if she threw up in the middle of a meal, and then went back to eat more (which I presume she didn't actually eat). Bulimia can lead to serious complications - even heart failure. However, I don't know her at all - we've never met - and she's older than me. I know one of her neighbors, but that's it.</p>

<p>She occasionally eats with friends and I've seen her with her boyfriend, so they have to have noticed that something's wrong as well. But is it my place to do anything, or tell anyone? I know it isn't any of my business but it was really disconcerting to see/hear that and to know that it could cause severe health problems in the future. I do know one of her neighbors, so I could mention it to her, but I'm unsure.</p>

<p>Advice?</p>

2

<p>She’s using bulimia to control her weight, her life.
Everyone knows.
Usually they don’t make as much noise because their gag reflex can easily be triggered.
You can’t really snitch on her she’s not doing anything illegal.
You could mention it to her RA indiscreetly.
You can’t be the food police.</p>

3

<p>That’s really sad and it’s good that you want to help, but if you don’t know her, it’ll probably be hard to get through to her. You can try, though. Maybe talk to her friends if you know any of them.</p>

4

<p>Stay out of it.</p>

5

<p>I would ask her RA to speak with her, then send the RA a follow-up email to ask if she is okay overall (which she clearly is not).</p>

<p>If no one appears to be concerned about it, I wouldn’t say you should stay out of it. Maybe my college is the only one with students that actually care about the honor code, but part of it is helping maintain the well-being of one’s peers. She has a serious medical condition and needs professional help; she will die if she does not receive it.</p>

6

<p>Let me clarify, the only reason I say stay out of it is because I have suffered through an ED and when people interfere it has the opposite effect of what you’d want it to. It just makes you hide it better.</p>

7

<p>Since she is a stranger I’d stay out of it… But that’s easier said that done. You could be really bold and just tell her that you know it’s none of your business but you’ve noticed, and it’s concerning you. Maybe offer to be there if she wants to talk? You’re not gonna be any worse off if you do that.</p>

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<p>

And the only reason I disagree is because at one point my sister nearly died from her anorexia. While you are not incorrect, it is better to show concern rather than ignoring it while it continues. If it is as serious as OP believes it is, some outreach should be made.</p>

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<p>Thanks. I talked to her housemate (she lives in an interest house so she doesn’t have an RA), and she said that several people have expressed concerns about the issue. She isn’t sure if the girl is getting help or not, but will keep an eye out since she <em>might</em> be going to the eating disorder support group on campus. I hope that is true.</p>

<p>I feel like at this point I should back out, since it isn’t my business or problem; however it’s still unnerving to know about.</p>

<p>Also - slightly off-topic - but someone I know had a severe eating disorder, and the only thing that helped her was when her friends went directly to the girl’s parents, who confronted her and forced her to get help. Her parents later told my friend that my friend had probably saved their daughter’s life. I think that a personal reaction to an eating disorder is different for each individual, but in general, I also think it’s better to show concern.</p>

10

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<p>I just wanted to reiterate this because it is absolutely the case. Go to the dean of students or to student services and find out who is in a position to help because she needs to be seeing a counselor. Maybe she already is and if that is the case then you don’t need to do anything further. See if you can ascertain whether she is seeing someone and maybe they can help her.</p>

11

<p>

Let’s be fair now… not everyone with an ED dies if they don’t get treatment. A ton of people do just fine on their own.</p>

<p>(spoken not as someone who has ever had an ED, but has had a lot of friends with ED’s who have since recovered on their own; I do have friends who have gone into treatment as well). </p>

<p>Also, seeking help for someone can certainly help in many cases, but as DrBatman points out, it can be harmful in other cases (especially if you’re not in a position to force them into treatment) for those who aren’t ready to admit they have a problem yet.</p>

<p>As to the op, it seems like you’ve done everything that you can, and I’m glad to hear that others who are probably in a better position to help her are aware.</p>

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<p>Its her decision and she should be free to do as she wants. By the same token if I ever heard her again i would at least yell through the stall that “no one wants to hear that.”</p>

<p>Of course she could also have a medical condition not realated to weight such as certain forms of Muscular Dystrophy which both cause rapid wasting (of fat reserves and muscle) as well as vomiting. Many who suffer (like the pro baseball player Lou Gehrig) try to eat as much as possible to delay the effects of the disease.</p>

13

<p>

Not participating in your disorder does not mean it has been cured. Whether or not they are starving themselves/throwing up their meals anymore is irrelevant once they have sent a full blown disease into effect. It will present itself in other aspects of one’s life. You can ask any psychologist and they will agree.</p>

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<p>in effect*</p>

<p>

There may be negative repercussions at first, but you simply can not say that providing no help and pretending it’s not going on is better than offering some form of help. The logic just isn’t there.</p>

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<p>I don’t think OP can do anything to help, she doesn’t know her or have enough information to get deep enough to this girl. Anything that op does is just going to give the girl motive or just make her find a way to hide it. I have been in that exact place and ended up in therapy with a bunch if other girls exactly the same. Unless you can force recovery down someone’s throat, most of the time it just makes it worse. sad but true.</p>

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<p>OP directly? Of course not. OP does not know the girl at all. That is why I suggested talking to an RA (which she doesn’t have) or a friend of the girl. You argument is that having a friend show genuine concern for this girl’s well-being will make it worse. While that is a possibility, eating disorders have their psychological roots and ignoring serious psychological problems causes retraumatization which makes them worse, and that is a fact. Even if the girl were to find ways to hide it better, OP stated that a number of people already know of her bulimia. I’m assuming she already attempts to hide it and people still know, so hiding it better most likely wouldn’t cause her friends to think it’s magically disappeared.</p>

<p>After disproving that part of your argument, the only options are to offer some sort of outreach (which OP did via the girl’s housemate) or allow the disease to progress. Given those two options, OP made the correct choice.</p>

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<p>You didn’t disprove anything, you shared your opinion. It’s obvious you’ve never dealt with an ED because you seem completely ignorant on the subject. </p>

<p>When you have an eating disorder you will do anything humanly possible to not get better. You will turn on your friends and family and make poor choices just so you can keep your disorder. Having a bunch of people know and confront her is just rude and inconsiderate. And the fact that her friends know (op is not her friend) shows that either people don’t care, or they’ve already tried to help.
If the OP knew the girl it would be different. But playing a game of telephone with this girls disorder, passing her to off to other people to try and fix her is ********.</p>

18

<p>^That isn’t what I am trying to do, at all. I was started and unnerved and I don’t like to think that I was “passing her off to other people to try and fix her.”</p>

<p>I completely understand what you’re saying about people hiding eating disorders, but I cannot agree with you that it is “just rude and inconsiderate” care enough about someone with an ED. What you are saying is, in effect, that when you have an ED you will refuse help even if it causes you serious harm, and that because of this fact, people shouldn’t do anything about it. That, to me, does not sound like a good way to approach the situation.</p>

<p>I talked to the girl’s housemate about it, and I feel like now is my turn to bow out since it isn’t my business. I don’t think this constitutes playing “telephone” with the issue. I was worried and knew that I would feel awful if she ended up seriously ill (or, god forbid, dead) and I had known about it, but hadn’t said anything. </p>

<p>zchryevans, thanks for the advice.</p>