Edit Admissions Essay URGENT!!!

<p>Topic is: explain the impact of an event or activity that has created a change in your life or in your way of thinking.
There's a 500 word limit. I wrote 499 words exactly.</p>

<p>This is what it looks like:</p>

<p>“I’m going to kill you one day.” Imagine that you are in grade one, young and defenseless. A boy is holding scissors dangerously close to your face and says this to you. You can tell from his tone and the determined set of his eyes that he is serious. There are no adults around to protect you, and the students present will only encourage him. How scared would you be? I was so terrified that I couldn’t cry nor scream. I just stood still; paralyzed in fear until my classmates – my tormentors – finished mocking me and walked away. I had once thought that there was nothing wrong with being a bystander, but I was wrong. If someone had stood up for me, they could’ve saved me from being traumatized by this horrible memory.</p>

<p>Sometimes we learn more from the experiences we would rather forget than those that put a smile on our faces. If we are strong enough to not only get past adversity, but to also learn a valuable life lesson from the experience, it will shape us into a better person. I have become much more empathetic and mature not because of success or encouragement, but because of bullying.</p>

<p>I had moved from ---- to ----- at the age of five and a half. It was nerve-wracking moving to a drastically different environment and attending school for the first time with no basis for English. Due to my lack of friends, I tried to join in whenever my classmates were playing together, even though I wasn't invited. I could detect their distaste for me, but I tried not to be affected. Finally, they resorted to bullying to get rid of me. I turned to the teacher for guidance, but that only earned me the title of a 'tattletale'. </p>

<p>After being crowned the class 'tattletale', the bullying became almost unbearable. Every day, I would have to bear multiple threats and constant mocking. My bullies started vicious rumors that spread around the school like wildfire. Before long, nobody wanted to be my friend. I was an outcast who was hated by everyone. </p>

<p>Luckily, I was offered a fresh start when my parents decided to buy a house in ----. I still remembered the horrors I had to face and became extremely sensitive and introverted. Thanks to the cruel remarks about my appearance, I developed a distorted self-image. I was still affected by my experience with bullying up until grade seven, which is when my supportive friends helped me overcome my past. From them, I learned to be supportive and empathetic, and lend an ear to anyone feeling misunderstood.</p>

<p>Because of this experience, I realized that any form of bullying can affect someone for a long time, and it is important to stand up against injustice. I learned to accept others’ differences and be more considerate of others’ feelings. I also began to value justice and equality more strongly because I believe everyone is equal and nobody should be discriminated.</p>

<p>The essay still focus too much on you being bullied, not on how you’ve became a better person because of bullying. Share stories and show/prove to admissions that you are more matured and also empathetic and supportive. </p>

<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck! :)</p>