<p>"She's a member of the club because she lives in this country & has an inborn right to seek the highest level of opportunity which she & any member of her family can reach."</p>
<p>I don't want to get off topic here...but the irony inthis story is that this woman's D SHOULD have the right to attend public school and get a decent enough education that would get her into a college - maybe a CC - but a college. The sad truth is that this woman had to be quite resourceful in order to get her kid out of the neighborhood and into a private school, where she was lucky to get a tuition break and was willing to plae her daughter in an environment that was probably very different from that in which they lived - a VERY difficult way to live, straddling two worlds and trying to achieve in both, often being accepted in neither. </p>
<p>My point is, it's too bad we, in this country, don't provide children with what they need to achieve this level of success without all of these hoops to jump though. Three cheers to the mom and her D for finding a way - shame on the system for making these cheers necessary!</p>
<p>Moon dust, full of shine, dessicated and alone, together. One of life's little paradoxes, and Orwell saw you coming long ago. Oh, wait a minute, no, you were there with him; that's why you were so recognizable!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Does anyone else feel just a little embarrassed about admitting that their child attends an "elite" school when people ask?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I certainly do and it caught me off guard. S1 attends a very well known private university, but I always felt comfortable talking to other parents about his college admission and experiences. However, when S2 went to Princeton I was surprised how uncomfortable I felt telling other parents when they asked me where he was going. A friend of mine even said to me, " You can't even tell other people where your S goes to school without sounding elitist." We went to my husbands' high school reunion a few weeks ago and people naturally asked what our kids were doing. He would say where S1 was going and people would say, "Oh he must be really smart - that's really hard to get into and where is your other S going?" Later we both commented that people had a weird reaction whenever we said "Princeton" and this was in New Jersey!</p>
<p>Does anyone else feel just a little embarrassed about admitting that their child attends an "elite" school when people ask? </p>
<br>
<p>Funny, my dad stickered the car with each of my sisters' colleges and grad schools -- Wesleyan, Barnard, Chicago, etc. -- great schools, just not the kind that create uncomfortable silences and negative assumptions. When I went to Harvard in 1997, I bought him a sticker, but my dad never put it on the car. So mine is the only school that's missing. I guess it's a spin on embarrassment; he thinks it's in poor taste to put that sticker on your car. (My mom compromised; she bought paraphernalia with the name of my dorm.)</p>
<p>I'm the kind of bleed-the-school-colors alum who'd own everything from a license plate cover to the full set of commemorative dishware if I'd gone to Wesleyan and loved it like my sister did. Instead, I have one shirt, and I wear it to bed.</p>
<p>I thought about letting this thread die a natural death, but I have been bothered by the last few posts.</p>
<p>I am very proud that my D set high goals and was able to work hard enough to be admitted to an "E" school. I tell anyone who asks and I have a bumper sticker. I think working hard and achieving something is a good thing. We need not have some false modesty or be content to be in the middle, average, or mediocre. If you do have some pride that does not mean you are putting down someone else.</p>
<p>edad (admit it! your "e" stands for "elite," doesn't it? -- JK!!!), I'm glad that someone finally said this. I think there's a real difference between exercising good taste & sensitivity, and exercising a self-conscious attitude of apology, or "false modesty." I mean, fine if that's one's personal inclination, but I don't think good taste dictates such a posture. I don't consider myself responsible for any false equation anyone else draws between a college acceptance and actual superiority, or personal worth.</p>
<p>Rarely does anyone even ask me about where my D is going to college. The majority of such rare questions emanate from very close friends & associates, who would be, will be, are interested in her life. In those cases it gives them joy to hear the answer,& they are eager to pass along congratulations & good wishes to her.</p>
<p>Recently I was in the post office mailing a package to my D. The clerk noticed the destination address, & began a conversation with me about college decisions, including her own college results & degree results. I never would have brought it up if she hadn't, but the conversation ended up being very fruitful for both of us, as we exchanged mutually useful information. She actually had been in a professional line of work, but was in transition about to pursue a different professional option.</p>
<p>I don't see what's to hide or be embarrassed about. Plenty of people have incomes, houses, lifestyles that are enviable & superior to mine, including many friends & a few relatives. I don't feel they need to hide their situation just in case I might feel bad about it.</p>
<p>In theory, I agree with you, ephiphany, but I have to admit that I'm kind of like Hanna's Dad. When my d. got into Brown, I bought the sweatshirt, the sticker, the works, and enjoyed all of it. But with my son at Harvard, I can't bring myself to add his sticker under hers (even tho I fantasized about doing just that during the application process!). Likewise, I spent about a half-hour looking at sweatshirts at his school's shop, and came out with nothing because I couldn't find anything suitably unassuming. Whether we like it or not, there are certain things that provoke a negative reaction, and I really like to be liked. I fear that if I drove around our small community with those two stickers on my car, I wouldn't have any friends!---(well, I wouldn't lose my true friends, but still, it's not worth being a turn-off to those who don't know me as well).</p>
<p>But, Donemom, who said anything about decals? or sweatshirts? I mean, obviously you have --here, but voluntary, deliberate display is not the only alternative to deliberate secrecy or coyness, that's all that I think some of us are saying. (And not that display is tasteless, either.) I hardly think that one needs to <em>hide</em> affiliation, or family results, in order to prevent offending people. (I thought that was the real issue that was being discussed.) My own opinion about anyone who's upset or offended by the mere <em>knowledge</em> of a positive result of someone else's S or D needs to get over themselves.</p>
<p>In particular cases where I happen to know that a S or D has not been accepted to a school that my D has been accepted to, I avoid the topic if possible, even when the other party brings it up. That just seems like good manners and common sense.</p>
<p>I found this in a thread on the MIT board from a student talking about his friends who feel uncomfortable telling people they go to Harvard:
[quote]
I have rarely heard of any Harvard student or Harvard graduate going around touting the name of the school. Yes, I've seen it happen, most notably at bars where guys are trying to pick up women, but it's a pretty rare event. It's been far more common to see Harvard alumni actually try to CONCEAL where they went to school. For example, of all the Harvard people I know (and I know quite a few), I have seen all of them do the 'Harvard-dodge' whenever they are asked where they go to school. It goes something like this:</p>
<p>Q:"Where do you go to school?"
A:"I go to a school on the East Coast."
Q:"Oh really, where?"
A:"I go to a school around Boston"</p>
<p>Often times the conversation ends right there, people assuming that he's talking about BC or BU. However, occassionally, the questioner persists:</p>
<p>Q:"Where around Boston? BC? BU?"
A:"No, it' a school across the Charles"</p>
<p>Etc. etc., and after playing catch-me-if-you-can for awhile, the answerer may finally answer with "Harvard". Although I have seen certain of my friends skillfully weasel their way out of doing even that by completely changing the subject.
<p>I don't try to actively try to hide the fact of my son's school (or my daughter's for that matter), but I would not bring it up unless specifically asked. And frankly, that's the policy I've used about both my kids' academic experiences in general. As many on this forum with similar kids certainly know, when your child is excelling and receiving much notoriety for it over the years, its just good social sense to talk of other things. But, I'd be a liar if I denied my pride when I am "forced" to share that information.</p>