Essay check

I just practiced for the essay section by analyzing Emmeline Pankhurst’s “Freedom of death” speech. Would anyone care to check it? I’d really appreciate some feedback as I really have no one to ask at my school.

Also, am I allowed to post my essay here or should I DM it? Here’s the prompt, and thank you!: https://books.google.bg/books?id=3nDHCgAAQBAJ&pg=PA1316&lpg=PA1316&dq=sat+essay+freedom+or+death+emmeline+pankhurst&source=bl&ots=UBLrcOQ1Gu&sig=VJF0zEpTDh9_nrPVO86r92eU8MU&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj2rqmvgbHMAhUGWCwKHURCCBMQ6AEIMjAD#v=onepage&q=freedom%20or%20death%20emmeline%20pankhurst&f=false

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